[Sul]

Summary

I’m taking away the loss line we were taught. I thought that was brilliant and can be ritualized in transformational work. Also to treat my limbic system with self-honoring care. The more awareness and presence I bring to myself and my quest the more grounded and resourced I can be for my clients. I think now I feel more confident to address this in professional work as we all have some burden we carry we all have wounds and have experienced loss and there is a big conversation needing to happen around how to support in a healthy way that needs collective imput. I think the brain science will help people put into context what has been their experience with grief and loss. I think the trauma resourcing and nervous system regulation will pair well with offering hope for personal and collective change but I do see this is small intimate groups where safety is established first. The wounded inner child is calling for help I “feel” as an undercurrent to our adult lives. Let’s nourish our little one within.

[Sul]

Initial

The client I’ve worked with experienced the loss of her sister. Her sister’s death was anticipatory loss but brought her into the the cycle of grief nonetheless. I witnessed her experience of loss consume her with shock. I noticed it in her body and energy. Her facial expression. Her silence. Protest was presenting but in a subtle way as in her message to me that she couldn’t believe her sister was gone. What came up in her process later on was guilt. My client was a healer and was trying to sort out all the things that were not resolved or healed in her sister’s life that contributed to her death. After arranging all of the end of life responsibilities my client took charge of I didn’t notice obvious disorganization. She kept a lot to herself. She came from a family and culture that didn’t outwardly express strong emotions. My client actually quickly reorganized and maintained a baseline of character throughout my time with her. She did express extremely heavy sensations in her body in her heart but that had lifted with time. She kept her self busy by being engaged in a yoga community one that was even more valuable as a healing sanctuary/resource. In assessing where she might have been with this lens of The Cycle of Grief by Mary Kathleen Rose, I was able to track, assess and show up and navigate my role as coach more clearly. In the beginning of our relationship I had to lean into the competencies of coaching presence and establishing safety and deep listening. Instead of longer reflection and severence work I would add short concise questions to help her move through her life like “what’s next”. Then offer presence and listen for what she needed help with and tuned into who could support her what her network was like. I checked in with her about resourcing later on. She told me she had fallen away from her ritual of mourning which is what she wanted to get back to as a goal. I walked with her severence listening to what she named as distraction and how nature could support her through this. She wanted a sense of ease. Things had become so hard suddenly and she lost her focus in work and life. After the session she made her way to the beach her nature connection and back in flow with her mourning ritual of writing to her sister. This all taught me to deeply listen, try to see or learn what their environ is like and explore safe nourishing places in nature for support and processing loss and to identify mourning rituals that spontaneously arise and be present with all of that.

[Sul]

Summary

I see myself in the role of NCC as a guide who is a teacher, educator, facilitator, magic mirror holder upper with great awareness and presence. Serving in these frames with my co-guide Nature is a unique experience thus far. What I am reminded of is how do I hold all of what I’ve learned at EBI. I see a steady baseline of foundational know how but also I see the ability to adapt and shape-shift to the need of the moment. To approach holistically because we are whole are clients are whole. I also wanted to mention the teachings on grief a bit. I learned that everyone has a relationship to grief. Everyone has a relationship with loss. Every relationship has a story.

Personally – my relationship with loss is sacred and complex mythic initiation into the mysteries of life . I see through a mytho-poetic lens. The realm of the dark goddess the midwife of death and gatekeeper of threshold for souls. It is part of being human of being alive and it has shaped my beliefs attitudes behaviors that have many stories linked to them.

Professionally – Doing my own grief inventory has been critical for my role as guide. I will continue to keep that taken care of so I can be a clear channel for the work. But also for the people who I do work with I see more clearly after this intensive each client will arrive with their relationship with loss and a story or stories that are woven into who they are today. I’ll be more prepared to guide through it.

[Sul]

Summary:

When I reflect on all the wisdom in everyone’s posts I think a little more about my personal path with trauma. I remember telling my therapist once that growing up in a home of domestic violence and other extreme abuse literally stunned me to the point of a constant freeze mode. The resolution and integration was like a jagged piece of broken glass shattered reflections of myself trying to see to make sense of what happened to me. I told her that this journey resulted in me dropping out of school because I simply could not learn anything. I just needed to be safe and figure out what that meant for my mind body spirit identity and so forth. When my therapist told me that was not my fault that my brain was doing what it is mean to do which is to make me survive the other cognitive functions were just not something I could access. It was a brain thing. This helped me see my journey much more clearly. It shifted my perspective and my choices. It lifted the burden of shame and I should have mentality. It brought a sense of presence into my process that I could honor and grasp. So much of my ability to lead and serve others comes from a great wound as I’m sure many of us can relate to. I feel presence is the gift we can bring to ourselves as we continue the healing quest and presence is the gift we can bring to our clients for their learning and growth. Keep teaching the brain science EBI!

[Sul]

In group coaching women I lay down principles of support in the beginning of the circle. Some are grounded in embodied experiences from other groups I’ve studied in that were guided by facilitators who are trauma informed and I adapted my approach to include them in my services. Some of them are the following.

There are no rules everything is a choice

Confidentiality

Release judgment about yourself and about others

Radical Inquiry explore embodied experience of yes and no having theses choices welcomed celebrated by the group and within oneself

Pause

Mutual support and cooperation

Confidentiality

respect for differences,

non-violent communication (ahimsa)

option to pass

honoring the pause – not reacting if triggered.

I will ask for support when I need it

I will place my attention on my wholeness rather than my fractures

When another woman is expressing emotion I will breathe fully into my body and track my sensations

Listen and witness

Place tissues within her reach

Sit shoulder to shoulder with her if called

Connect with empathy

I will not touch her

I will not Hand her tissues

I will not Provide sympathy or offer unsolicited advice or commentary at any time

An emoting woman can ask for otuch and you can ask if she’d like touch or a hug if that feels right

Acknowledge you are stepping into Mystery all is well you are guided and held deeply

I also invite participants to add or change anything to fit the group. I found this boundary set a tone for self responsibility. Coming from some idea of working in groups of women and knowing all of us are in different places in our journey with our personal and collective trauma I was relieved to receive this training with Katie to get more of a grasp on what trauma is and how to as a guide lead and serve professionally. I feel like I am better able to identify, listen, support and understand trauma in general when I coach. I noticed a simple but profound principle not directly stated on my list is to help bring self to th represent moment to re-engage there again.

I have taught my clients about nervous system regulation from the resources I gathered through my own self discovery and healing journey/studies. I find this is empowering by offering practical ways of recognizing when oneself is dysregulated and how to resource if need be. What I feel I integrated more in this intensive was how to resource better for myself as a leader.

The neural pathways stuff has been missing from my past guiding coaching even though I addressed it in subtle ways I now feel more confident in directly explaining this which I have to all my clients. In my last client experience I used orienting which I have done prior to EBI but with a fresh lens. I noticed my client was a little confused about what that was doing for them in which I explained the purpose of it. I used gestalt methods with simple questions of what are you aware of now in the orienting at the start of their session and at the end of their session. Orienting out of session or grounding what occurred in the session is key. What I used that I didn’t have the words for in the past was Katie’s “look at something that pleases you” I also used her establishing safety and to welcome what is coming up approach. I have done this before but in this fresh articulation I invited the client to write down their resources.

A great tool “shaking” was really helpful in the session when client expressed stagnant energy mixed with old wounds surfacing in their life. I explained the shaking and invited them to experiment. They did and I did with them. They came back to the zoom meeting invigorated. I wonder though if this is only the right thing to experiment with in certain moments. Like is it as effective if someone is in fight as much as freeze? What I noticed was how involved and present I needed to be to assess what may be happening in their embodiment in that moment which is harder through a computer screen. Taking this slow and trusting myself was critical as the guide for my client.

Assess clients to help stay in a regulated state is a key component in my practice.

[Sul]

Summary post

What I’ve been wondering is if a neural pathway is forged then that doesn’t always mean the person is in a specific stage of change does it? I can’t find it in my notes if it suddenly launches you into let’s say contemplation. Would it be that stage following a new neural path? What I’m taking away from this intensive is tremendous. I see this paticular part of NCC as a walk in the labrynth. I see my role as guide with patience and the presence needed to show up in this coaching role. I am going to make a fun playful not intimidating slide show presentation for clients so they can grasp the basics. I see this as a valuable creation for my practice. I also see the important of researching the brain on nature for clients who may want to bridge a bit more science into the spiritual reflective aspects of coaching. I see our group leans into the low road high road thinking as a teaching tool and I see the value in offering that to a client too. The mythic image journey is really interesting to me. I love archetype and myth and find it beneficial to use in my personal practice so bridging the concepts here with storytelling or finding a guiding myth for clients to work with can be a deeper layer into symbols for their learning and growth. It can be an additional way to access insight. This was really great learning thank everyone!

[Sul]

Initial response

This is the part of the training that felt like sorcery to me. There isn’t much difference between a magical practice and the science of the brain. So I’m having fun exploring this in a personal way. But for my coaching summary here is what I’ve gathered.

The client I worked with had an ideal trait which was they have deep connection to the natural world. I enjoyed this man noticed his receptivity to my approach. I brought him immediately into the vision council which he loved. It was as if his inner child excited his body into a perked up readiness to explore with a sense of fun. He offered a photo of a red tailed hawk he saw the day before his session with me. So I worked with that image and symbol and the meaning of it for a while. There were some other allies in his council which offered wise words that guided our session. Thank you vision council! What this client wanted was to be confident. The pandemic had triggered lots of anxiety and loss of work so this person wanted to grasp his new uncertain life somehow but fellt distracted. WAsn’t sure how to be confident. I introduced some concepts from the neuroscience principles about how the brain responds when in a stress response. Which made sense to him as he expressed needing some grounding and desire to un-numb parts of his body that felt shut down. I offered a way into discovering motivation through breath embodiment practice and awareness of shifting out of limbic and memories associated with his overall anxiety and uncomfortableness into the intention setting power of the prefrontal cortex. We worked on attitude shifts as he was feeling low vibing and negative and hopeless paired with embodiment practice. I noticed his ferocity was dimmed like a lion who couldn’t’ roar. So I invited him to push the energy I felt he was stagnant with into the wall because he said he just wanted to push this away from his life. So I said do it. Push it away right now. I offered for him to have privacy to turn off video if needed to make sound to express this frustration of his life right now. I believe this was the threshold. HE came back with more color in his face and a smile with wider eyes. HE told me he felt better. That it actually helped. Then he said he needed to shake off his fear as I asked what the was noticing. His fear I told him was also part of the stress response keeping him safe and may have painful memories attached which os the limbic system responding but that redirecting reframing his fear into focusing on what he wants instead of what he doesn’t want he started to shake off fear. SO I then invited him to shake off his fear literally at that moment. HE chuckled and felt a little awkward but I told him I would shake it off with him and that I would hold space exploration without judgment to see what this experiment yielded. He loved it. And his expressions and gestures were brighter and lighter. I then asked if what he wanted was still the right word and sentence of I want to be confident. And he said yeah but there is more. So I asked how he felt at that moment and he said he had a better grasp on things. SO I invited an I am statement to express this and he said I am capable. Which felt like a manageable step toward his confidence he concluded. To integrate and hold accountability I inquired what this meant for his life right now bringing it back to conscious intention forming and he said this could be part of his morning routine to remind himself like a mantra. I thought this was a good first session. I then checked on him later in the week about what exploring his I AM statement was revealing in his life. He reported a change in his outlook for the better. In consecutive sessions I invited the principle of choice and self responsibility into his sessions. We got to a place of choices he wanted to make around discipline to reach his goals. He found challenges along the way as some old childhood traumas surfaced which he was seeing a therapist for. I found by the last session we agreed on he wasn’t so interested in deeper core issue work. He admitted he had a rough week emotionally and psychologically and what he discovered with his therapist was that he needed to take one day at a time. So I honored and respected that boundary and the professional therapy he was integrating. I thought about his brain and how he may have had a glimpse of the planning and action he wanted to take but that it wasn’t immediately attainable made him retract into the pre-contemplation stage of change. I just wondered this and privately assessed this as to not add pressure to his vulnerable state as I thought he may be in a limbic state as we spoke. I offered a gentle way into more nature connection which was a wander that brought him into the present moment. He grabbed a coffee mug and told me it represented being in the present moment as it brought him back to his morning routine he took pleasure in.

I felt like this was a quest item in a mythical sense and wondered about his mythic image but kept that to myself as it was not the right time to explore that. But I saw the gears turning in him as he reflected what being present in his life meant. These simple things can be utterly profound and re-directive. Anyway that’s what I’ve gathered. I remind myself coaching someone is a journey and one may have enthusiasm entering a session initially then feel into how their journey is not always fun and it is work. I reflected on my role as his guide and thought about what I could’ve done differently or more or less. Sometimes as a guide I see my impulse to provide answers but that if I am to respect the clients I work with I can not get in the way of their deeper work which may look like holding a coffee mug to symbolize being present for their life. I reflect on being a sorceress and what teaches me or shows me something sacred in a wander which may produce a simple coffee mug and how that tells a client how to be more present in their journey. I consider how this may be a deeper need that comes through the mystery.

[Sul]

Response 2 @Leslie

Hi Leslie,

The stages of change is a key guiding model to assess with. I was wondering just what stage a coach may perceive a client in that may not be where they are. For example you mentioned “You would think that someone who signs up for an app for weight loss is at least in the contemplation stage, but that’s not always the case. Some people sign up due to pressures from family, or other external and non-autonomous motivators.” This is very insightful. I was wondering what happens when a neural pathway is forged where a client may be in the process of change? Suppose the neural pathway is now present in the brain, can the person be in any stage of change at this point? Or once this is formed are they in the latter half of the stages of change? It seems like this is where maintenance comes in and the encouragement of the coach to recognize this shift and reassess the stages of change. I really appreciate the coaching questions you use to checkin like “Why are these changes important to you? What are the benefits of changing versus not changing? How might your life be different after this change? What is it you’re doing right now that’s not working for you? What has worked well in the past?” This also puts the power to change in the hands of the client and not in some outward external force or circumstance but truly in providing opportunity for the client to take responsibility for their change. I find the low road vs high road can be taught in a way that is scientific. For example teaching the low road reactionary behavior is the part of our brain that ensures our survival FFF response. In teaching the high road response behavior can simply be primed in a session by asking “how do you want to respond to this?” Which introduces the word respond. Or another coaching question “what outcome do you imagine happening?” In conversation this can open up emotions and potential patterns of reactionary behavior that can be explored and then invited to shift toward a high road response way of needing to be. It is a great way to clear the path for the client’s journey. Thanks for the rich discussion post Leslie. There is a lot here for me to reflect on in learning from you and how you coach.

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Response 1 @ambermccormick

Reflecting on experiences from a brain perspective

Amber, your story demonstrates your ability in knowing your audience. When teaching, opening up space to teach about how the brain functions you used visual aid and basic terms and parts keeping it relateable – what happens when the brain has stress normalizing human responses. Thisis fantastic! Great idea practicing explaining brain science to someone before presenting. Love how trusting nature shows up in this story that almost everyone’s resourcing included nature. What was that like for you to see nature come through in that moment? I see you had an opportunity to collaborate with nature in that recognition for your workshop with the science behind nature and the nervous system. Reminding people that nature is everywhere accessible for all, not just a path in the wilderness is very moving. I love how that supports peoples nature-connection. I feel you when you reflect on trusting yourself when guiding and creating as a NCC. You’ve got this! Yes, educating about the brain is incredibly empowering. Key stuff you included was present moment and prefrontal cortex, how to partner with your own brain, being kinder, more self compassionate and when you understand the science but have the consciousness raising tools to make changes. These folks got a lot from you wonderful wise guide you are! 🙂 I think this could become a two part workshop as you mention not to overwhelm your people. Sounds fantastic though great discussion post

I wonder if you worked in any way with people’s goals. It sounds like you laid the foundation with the neuroscience principles and nature came in on its own. Was there an opportunity to perhaps write up a pdf download with prompts like a guided journey book to accompany the theme and topics you discussed? This really sounded like an insightful and practical offering and I sincerely wish you the blossoming of a fulfilling career!

[Sul]

Response 2 @sophie-turner

Sophie, in some ways I can relate to your attitude around other’s grief. I had a parent who never sought help for their grief and growing up with that made me cynical and less able to empathize. I would roll my eyes and have that inner dialogue about just move on or take care of your shit already..It is okay to feel how you feel. Grief is complex. I’ve also be in cycles of despair mourning loss discovering more layers to it all. As a doula I’ve been in a hospital setting and have encountered long hours and unbearable challenging scenarios pushing me to my depths of preseverence. The grief or loss I witnessed during some births was in the form of the outcome the laboring mom wanted. Some outcomes of some clients was not what they wanted or imagined. For example a mom who wanted a natural vaginal birth instead had a cesearean birth. My role as guide advocate continouous compassionate care taught me how to be present in a sudden loss. I had no choice I agreed to be with them until the baby was born. Although I knew going into a birth that anything can happen the client didn’t expect the outcome and from a brain perspective any release of hormones that flow with birth are reduced with medication and possible stress response in a laboring woman. There is much notion of loss in maternity care and birth so I try to offer realistic direct frank scenarios to program the expecting parents brains for resourcing and empowered choices within a small scope of personal control. I think these tools and guidance can translate to non-birth clients who are grieving. I find when someone can consciously choose something in their life it supports them but also give them the self-autonomy even in challenging life events.

[Sul]

Response 1 @ Jen

Jen,

I love your example you introduced about different “feelings”. This is a very important distinction. It reminds me of when Michael taught us about the breath to surrender and to identify what feeling or sensation is occurring not emotion. Great insight about an introject in society around grief! Permission to fully feel is key it is something I feel weird about saying I give you permission to feel but somehow we need to hear it. We need validation for permission. It is complex and to add a trauma response with cycle of grief its takes a patient life coach to discern and uncover what may actually be happening in the clients brain. Thanks for the insight.

[Sul]

Response 2 @jenniferlecompte

Hi Jen, awareness is key! But it is great to teach about it from a brain perspective and how it can benefit you. I wonder with the distraction of social media and false idea of social identity what are people especially younger generations aware of? Awareness makes me think of presence. They seem almost the same. What do you think? Do you think the mind is trying to sort out the confusion from technology overwhelm? I appreciate how you state “change is a challenging process”. I would even have the audacity to tell my clients that so that can open a door for chatting about resources when things get harder during their process of change. Empathy is like a magic mirror. Literally mirror neurons are linked to empathy. I feel as guides we hold this invisible quest item for their transformation. Great insight as always Jen!

[Sul]

Response 2 @ Sophie

Hi Sophie,

your post reminded me of the importance of coaching presence. Present with trauma that is subjective. Present with what that is teaching you in the moment. Present with being uncomfortable with someone else’s trauma when it surfaces. Present with validating someone’s deep internal process. I agree with the value of the simple question you used is it ok to be ok? When I have experienced intense trauma trigger I can’t handle anything except a simple question like this. I imagine this was a guiding light for this client/patient. I also see the value is repeating this question as it may be more of the guide than anything else. Ok to be ok is foundational. I also hear the depth of caring for someone through a dark passage. Amazing healing story thanks for teaching us!

[Sul]

Response 1 @ Sarah

Hi Sarah,

I appreciate you highlighting the brain functions to keep us safe in survival mode and with that leading function there is no focus on learning and self-relizaiton as you wrote. I agree and see that assessment in working with clients about who we as the coach are talking to at that moment. It very well may be their wounded child. This is where our deep listening skills come in as guides. So thankful to EBI for cultivation this deeper. Great awareness and use of Gestalt. What did you do when you noticed the first client you wrote about deflecting. How did you re-direct? I love hearing about you using tarot cards in a session. I’m a divination practitioner and use them and oracle cards. I see your client loved them and perhaps it was a door to establishing trust and safety? This makes me wonder about creative ways in which we as coaches meet that criteria for professional coaching. Very cool !

[Sul]

Amazing! Claim it! ! ! 🙂 !