[Sheri]

SUMMARY POST – Realizing I had not posted my summary on this toolbox feed I began to dig back into the Trauma posts to refresh my understanding. Then it hit me – I just had an incredible experience myself as Client that led me into an ah-ha moment for my coaching, too, and that is what I should share with you all! The realization came to me, likely because I was experiencing this first hand as the client, while also observing through my coaching glasses. (Can’t really help it now, can ya?)

I was somewhat timidly approaching a topic with my (amazing!) coach, who was so gentle and supportive, reassuring and encouraging with NO pressure. Allowing me the control of the pace and direction, knowing I did not have to enter into anything I did not wish to do. After grounding and touching base with several resources, which she invited me to return to throughout the session, we proceeded down this path ever so cautiously. Looking back on it now I am aware my fears were so much bigger than needed (that’s hindsight for you, too) of something I was anticipating, yet no clue what it really could be. I had certainly built this up in my mind! Ultimately, I was anticipating the need to share the stories. Walk, once again down the path of hurt, the traumas, re-living them, sharing with her so she would know my pains and be able to help me move through and beyond it. Fix it, right? Tell me what I needed to do to move on. She never invited me to share them, I would have. I didn’t go there, it wasn’t necessary. When the time came, I asked myself what was my intention? It was not to go back there but rather to move into what’s next. So, cautiously we did and will continue to do so. A new story has begun.

My big takeaway: Healing can happen without telling the stories, without re-living the pain again. She didn’t need to know the details and I didn’t have to experience it all again. I already had (many times, right?) It was not necessary for me to bring her into my story, in order for her to guide me through questions about what I was feeling, noticing, needing. Being true to my heart and being soul-directed I didn’t have to go there either. I could focus on how I could write the rest of the story. How I could move on, stepping through the fear and moving beyond it.

Shortly after this experience as Client, I had a session with a client of my own. After having just held this ah-ha moment, I was determined to enter the session with the “end in mind” focusing on the outcome and keeping her in a more comfortable place. I opened with a bit of a new twist, inviting a moment of “visioning the outcome of the session” while taking some deep breaths to center. Asking what a good use of our time would be, she shared about a dynamic that was troubling her and into the story we went. As much as I tried not to go there, I got drawn in to her story. I spent quite a bit of brain power during and after trying to rethink how I opened that session and how I could have done it differently to have not led her back down the path of re-living the struggles she was beginning to loop. Then, I realized that she was not at the same place I had been. She was still in her story. While I had been ready to move beyond, seeking the next steps. She was still processing it. One day she will get there, too. I look forward to walking cautiously, gently, supporting her if and when that time arrives. When we’ve processed and learned all we have to learn from the story and she decides she is ready to grow beyond.

All this to say, we are each unique individuals. Processing and exploring at our pace. Except others where they are. Don’t expect to fix them. There is nothing to fix. They are perfectly where they are meant to be in that moment. Hold a space for them to grow in. We don’t have their answers. We can only provide nutrients to the soil and encourage them to grow and go at their pace, reassuring them they are safe and not alone.

[Sheri]

Matt – Thanks for sharing your story. It felt very gestalt-like to step into the conversation and claim your concerns with your practice client. Then for that to open him to a realization of his own needs. Sounds like your vulnerability really gave him permission to go there too, and quickly.

“taught me the value of how our presence as a guide (or as a client) is all the nature that there needs to be in nature-connected coaching” – YES! I so agree our presence is crucial and am learning to invest the time to be there, at the level I need to show up. What your story has taught me is if I am not where I need to be, claim it and work it through, even with the client to get there. They likely feel it and maybe that conversation is just what they need too. Thanks!

[Sheri]

This! “If the word “trauma” gets you caught up a bit, it can be helpful to remember that we are working with a nervous system that is sitting across from us or walking with us. We all have “trauma” in our bodies and nervous systems somewhere. One thing we are looking for and listening for is where our client’s nervous system is in that moment–are they within a window of tolerance/in a coachable space? Or is there opportunity to invite grounding and resourcing to help bring their nervous system back into that learning, creative, curious window of tolerance.”

Mandy, thanks for bringing this visual to mind. Embracing my client as a nervous system and where they are in their ability to process in that state is very helpful! Removing that concept of “trauma” almost feels like it is removing the kid gloves. It’s almost like when I think of them in trauma I immediately go into this “step with caution, they are fragile” mode, or even don’t want to go there, to avoid bringing them pain BUT looking at it as a system we can bring back into harmony by sequencing through and knowing that resourcing is the first step for that really feels do-able. Not to say we should ignore the need for caring steps but rather realizing that resourcing is caring! Plus helping them heal through the resourcing and processing through. Very helpful visual for me.

[Sheri]

INITIAL POST: I have added a new step to my the beginning of a session. Following the clarification of accepting my guidance/coaching and statement regarding confidentiality I ask for how they resource, what that looks like for them and/or things that bring them centered or into connection. Then we practice one of those options or I bring one myself to introduce them to. This time for dropping into connection is helpful not only to bring the client to the state of mind for clarity but brings me there too.

I think an important first step of the discussion at the intensive was defining Trauma. The definition I have come to, based upon several stated ones within our readings and time with Katie has evolved to: Trauma is the individual’s response to a perceived life threatening situation that overwhelms their coping mechanisms and does not sequence through the body.

It was eye opening to me to realize that trauma is in the nervous system not in the event. So we need to complete the sequence through from that where it’s stuck.

Complete the sequence – experienced this first hand myself during the week of the intensive. I was laying in bed Thursday morning and found myself bumming up against a stuck spot when remembering a traumatic life event. I could feel where I started to freeze and want to turn away, set aside the feelings or shut them down. I realized this is the sequence I was stopping. So I took a deep breath, resourced myself and told myself to feel it through. I am safe, see where this goes. Feel the feels. Giving it permission to wash over me. This allowed it to complete, or at the least go further than I had in the past. It was almost like a wave washing over me. It certainly did not take all the pain and memories away but brought it to something I could cope with. Something I could open to, acknowledge, and move through. It was a powerful experience. I spoke with Katie about it later that day and she was very encouraging. This experience has me eager to bring this gift to others, when they are ready.

I am grateful for understanding the “how” because it provides a way to share the knowledge because “knowing is half the battle.” Understanding the science behind what is occurring, somewhat demystifying it, bringing it into the realm of something I can process through.

My biggest take away from the training was resourcing. My job is to provide a safe place for the client to explore, discover, uncover what they have to work with. My ability to know and guide them to their resources bringing them back to that safe grounded space makes the work they have, which may be very painful and difficult, a chance to come to the forefront and be worked through, whatever that means for the client. I don’t have their answers. I don’t have their memories. I do have the ability to support them and provide that safe space and loving presence.

[Sheri]

An ah-ha is hitting me… it is ok to work with each client in the manner I feel individually lead to. It’s almost like I have been trying to create this box for coaching and fit everyone in there. These are the steps and this is the order and I want a specific set formula to step through. Then when it doesn’t feel right I wonder how I need to recreate the box for all moving forward. I see how this is focusing on me and not them. Time to rewrite my approach. Be open to how I am directed, with each individual client. If my intuition is telling me they need more time to share or if they are stuck and need to move on, into the action. Guide them as it feels right. Asking permission/invitation along the way. Yes, there are specifics that need to be agreed upon prior to each session but even the “forms” I have may come in a different order to me. Moving forward I trust the manner in which things unfold for my relationships with clients because I do not know all the details, I do not know their needs and answers. I will hold healthy boundaries that protect me in my coaching presence and liabilities that come with but I will allow them to steer the wheel and step on the gas or break as they are so directed to do. Maybe I like the visual of they are holding the map and setting the pace. I lean in to the nudges that come, sharing, inviting and yet, allowing the decisions to be theirs. Trusting my own soul-direction.

[Sheri]

SUMMARY POST: I just listened to the Brain and Change 1 Toolbox webinar that happened on 1/2/2020. You all had great conversation and really chewed on some of these topics. There really is so much here, as stated in the video, and thankfully, over time while working with, living with, observing more of it will settle in. The refresher helped me sit back and see where I am personally with my own journey, as well as, analyze where my clients are falling on the stages of change chart. One question that came up for me was in regards to this chart. Several of the clients I am working with are contemplating life changes / transitions; college to the real world and entering empty nest hood. It only hit me part way in that the stages of change we were studying were meant for brain change, in the sense of how we react or respond to a situation/trigger (think habits) and not necessarily change in the sense of making a life change (think career). However, when I then considered it could be both in that the life change your client may be contemplating could be based on/due to the need for a brain change it started to hurt my brain. An example; they are not happy with the current Grand Canyon path their life is taking and desire a new path. I realize this is not necessarily the same neurological pathways we are talking about, yet, I relate to this, very much. Coaching has been showing up for me in many ways over the years and I have looked, been swayed but then gone back to the routine, the current canyon. Until EBI. Now I am gradually digging out that new pathway. One of my steps was to start to see myself as, or refer to myself as, a nature connected coach-in-training. That was certainly a brain change that was a step on the path leading to my life change. I am not sure if that is the intention and I certainly don’t bring this up to cause confusion but I was just noting the similarities. There was also discussion around the Termination stage and if it ever really happens. I thought of young children who go through potty training. (Having spent time with each of you, I think it is safe to assume we all did this successfully.) Now, I realize that something could trigger someone or a dis-ease might lead to difficulty in maintaining that skill/pathway BUT I think we would all say that how we react to this bodily function is now more unconsciously and appropriately handled than before we learned that new skill of using the toilet. So I would agree with the discussion in the call that we learn a new pathway and choose it over the old because it is more comfortable or acceptable to us but I would state that I have achieved the termination stage of creating this new path way and I imagine many more than we realize, because it has just become natural for us.

A realization for myself, although not the first time I have had this realization, but rather the first time maybe it will stick. I need to keep this new information in front of me. Reviewing it, processing it and working with it intentionally. Literally chewing on it, is helping me digest it so it becomes a part of me. Hmmm, sounds like those stages of change. I so appreciate the push to write my thoughts and hold discussion with you all in this manner as it does certainly help me to grasp, realize and implement these new understandings. Thanks for your involvement in this process.

[Sheri]

Nadine your comment: “… I am not yet able to eloquently dive into a scientific explanations.” Relative to the Grand Canyon explanation. I very much relate and also agree that it is an easy way to describe it for clients to understand. It is like they can visualize this image of the Grand Canyon and how you could reroute but that it would take work. I love the Grand Canyon reference. I used it during an Intake Interview yesterday while trying to help this prospective client see how we can make changes to our habits or routines but that it may take a lot of work, especially if the pattern has been a long time in process. Yet, a new tributary, a new direction can be intentionally carved out it just takes effort and being in a different state of mind. Then our conversation went into her resources for being present or grounded, finding that different state of mind. We discussed how she is not so much anxious in a doomsday type sense but gets sucked into what she could be missing out on. Still very much in future thought but concerned that if she is here what is she missing out on that could be happening there? Or she is enjoying participating in something, like a class, but she is focused on how much she will miss it when it is over rather just enjoying it in the present moment. It was a good visit and I look forward to getting into some coaching sessions with her. This was a young lady I knew from before but not to this extent and now having had this time to connect and explain what NCC is and how we go about it, plus discussing practice client rates, I feel like I will be more able to focus on the ceremony of an actual coaching session. We will see how it goes. Plus I am so excited that she is local and really embracing what messages nature has for her!

[Sheri]

INITIAL POST: Practice Coaching Session occurred Friday 1/10/19. This was my first session with this client. I had her complete an Intake Form, in advance, which provided me with some background for guiding the conversation. This was a face-to-face session and we were able to walk over to a nearby park and enjoy being in nature for our session, even though it was COLD. On the walk to the park I established the coaching relationship and confidentiality. We also discussed what practices she has or when she feels grounded or centered most. This is a new question I have added to my intake interview since the intensive. Having her answer it in advance allowed me to dig deeper in conversation, for instance, how or when do you feel connected in yoga, music, etc.? We were able to bring the answers she provided into the session. For example, we did some yoga breathing, poses, etc. during the session, led by her!

I am not sure if I felt this more because this was a first time session but I felt I was educating a lot and frankly, talking too much. The information did tie into what we were discussing but I didn’t feel on track with the ceremony of a true n.c. coaching session as I am seeing them being. I am wondering if maybe I should hold an initial meeting with prospective clients where 1.) I can explain what a session would look/feel like, in essence provide that educational piece – also wondering why I feel this is an important step? – and 2.) give them the opportunity to tell their story – again wondering why I feel this is an important step? – without that setting a precedence for a coaching session.

In some ways this session felt more like someone looking for advice, my explaining the answers are within her and how we need to be in that alpha/theta state to discover them, providing her opportunities to experience those states but also providing some of that advice (errr). For example, to ground us upon arrival at the park I asked her if she would like to give the 5-4-3-2-1 tool a try. She was open and I found that by having her name aloud those items I was able to bring her back to those throughout the session. For instance, there was a flock of geese and she mentioned the sight of them as one of her items that brought her joy, as well as the fluffy she would imagine touching (we decided it would probably be better not to touch them). So then as I felt the pull to bring her back to center during her story I mentioned the items she had stated, for instance “let’s take a deep breath and smile at the trees, geese, etc.” She was grateful for learning this tool as she deals with some anxiety and feels it will be something to take with her to use at those times as well. We did discuss how she perceives that chaos in the high Beta state like a tornado and discussed using the awareness to engage her resources and bring her present. We practiced a few of those pendulum swings, as well as, experimenting with following the pull. I do see where guidance did come through these moments and she did seem to ultimately land with a reasonable action and accountability plan. I did not however, feel we followed the ceremony. While we did some experiential movements we did not set intention to a threshold. However, looking back on it now I do note a couple of her ah-ha moments.

Honestly, bringing what we learned in this toolbox was not on my mind specifically. In hindsight, I think it would have been helpful had I been more intentional with it, however, I am pleased to see where I used some of the tools naturally! I am also feeling better about this session having the opportunity to process it more through this lens than I did immediately following it when I was harder on myself for letting the story take over and for talking too much.

[Sheri]

My apologies to all. I totally missed that the initial post was due 12/30. For some reason I was thinking this Friday was the initial not the summary. I will be getting a post up ASAP by Thursday/Friday.

[Sheri]

SUMMARY POST – Realizing I didn’t post this or close out this section yet, oops. After additional sessions on PartsWork with my practice client, as well as, more personal work, I am feeling more comfortable with being flexible in the level of knowledge regarding PartsWork. I do not feel clients need to have their parts identified or even understand this work as PartsWork. It reminds me of the Pros and Cons lists my Mom taught me to make when facing a decision when growing up. Granted there is a deeper level a client may choose to go into and certainly more we can uncover when, if, they embrace this path of self-awareness. Which then would include digging deeper into identifying their parts and interviewing, etc.

I have found working with the client in PartsWork that is more Gestalt in it’s flow, versus planned, following a general conversational setting with Parts and Soul, that I am more in a guide or Director seat about to suggest this Part share and now the Soul reflects, now this part…what are you noticing? – when I notice a shift in energy or an awareness come through in their voice, almost like an ah-ha type moment. It has been easier for me to be removed from the conversation and be more of an observer which feels more guide like than I have in some coaching situations. I still struggle with the fix it more and desire to give advice. This practice has provided me with more insight and first hand experience to see the answers within them come to realization. I look forward to continue holding this tool as a resource for me in my coaching/guiding practice. I am also continuing self PartsWork practice as I work through my own parts through interviewing and asking where or who is feeling this way or who is taking charge in this setting, or who do I need to step up here. I have not found myself working with the snapshot on a daily basis but as I think through my day and set intention I am starting to see what Parts I need to have show up for different tasks along my day.

[Sheri]

Ivy,
I guess that moment of intervention came when I decided to get serious, dig deep to really, listen to my soul. Maybe I was tired of questioning it/myself? I wanted to know. Something told me that if I went within consistently I would get clear and I certainly did. Committing to the intentional time twice daily for about a 3 week period brought me clarity, confidence – the knowing. Ironically, after acknowledging the step to move forward was the right one and announcing it to everyone – I then had vulnerability hangover! (launched back to contemplation?) but pulled myself back through leaning into the knowing. Because, of course, I had made the announcement, committed to moving forward, I couldn’t turn back now. I overcame that with baby steps to keep going and really even now when the doubts creep up I lean into the knowing I had then, this is my path. Trust it.

Lessons I take from my experience, everyone is working on their time through their discovery of their answers. Consistent intentional nature connection/soul direction work is powerfully life changing! I suppose I could be sorry I didn’t take the leap sooner, upset with myself that I “dragged my feet,” but I trust that the timing happens when it is meant to. Something(one) wasn’t ready for some reason or other. I don’t have to know what, why or when. Just trust that now is the time to be here.

[Sheri]

Amber, I felt like a director (or guide) during the process. I directed her to which part she would step into and what she was telling the Soul. I did use some of the interview questions while she was in the part to go deeper or help her understand the motive of the part. Then would guide her to the Soul and have the Soul reflect back to the part what was heard and how it was received, always in a loving and accepting manner. Typically this was done with the other part in the space but not engaged with discussion until prompted. This way they were aware of what was shared and how the Soul responded. Then the Soul would turn to the other part and ask what it wanted to share. I guided here on each of these steps so she just had to be in connection with the part and answer the questions from that place. Hope this makes sense. It has been really powerful. In fact the next time we did the parts work she was intentionally in a different space where she could move around better and I could tell had somewhat of a plan to embrace the work even more. She also found the same as I have with my own PartsWork, that it is difficult to stick to doing it yourself, even though the practice provides for that. Maybe it is that we are early in the process but having someone hold you accountable was helpful, especially a guide during the process.

[Sheri]

Hey Mel! Your comment: “The need for dropping into a soul level to do partswork fits great into NCC because it encourages connection at that level.” Made me wonder if my client is doing so well with PartsWork because she is so good with her SitSpot routine and familiar with “dropping in to the Soul level connection.” I will be curious if that is a first step for clients unfamiliar with connection, before being able to move into PartsWork at this level? I guess time will tell. Maybe I will be surprised that PartsWork may help someone connect too. What do you think?

Your comment: “I feel nature’s metaphors bring a gentle side to what can seem scary to some clients.” Yes! When I mentioned connecting our Parts to animals she really connected to that idea. Helped to embody the part and have a feel to it, however, it really surprised me when she picked the animals she did! Until she explained why, then they made sense!

Lastly I also connected to your statement: “I noticed too that sharing my experience in working with parts work can help explain it well and show how it works.” Totally agree!!! Using my own experiences, not to give her answers but to give examples has helped with her understanding the concept. Plus it shows our grasp of the process too.

I am grateful to be working with practice clients from EBI. It has made it easier for me to step into the “I’m still learning too” and “thanks for helping me explore these tools” especially with someone who is interested in this path as well.

[Sheri]

Yes Nadine, I do believe the video is helpful over a call. Seeing their expressions helps and the connection feels different, however I noticed that it was difficult for my client to speak in the first person to the other part/Soul, when my face was there to address. I had to encourage her to speak to them not me. That may still be an issue with a phone call but I am curious if it may be easier. Also probably really depends upon the individual. I was also very aware how the emotions can play in deeper and the importance of the first person direct conversation to the “empty chair” instead of explaining the answer the parts is saying to me (if that makes sense?)

[Sheri]

Thanks for bringing up the Cycle of Experience, Kim! I need to revisit this. So far, I have been primarily using the Parts work in a way to assess two (or more) sides to a decision. We are not really even getting to naming Parts or we may label them in the moment (does have a bit of a Gestalt feel)… “Who is opposed to this and who is pushing this? – Are there others with an opinion?” Then we break it down to each of these parts, maybe referred to as Non-Conformist and Conformist. And have a conversation with the Soul, each part, voicing their concerns or desires. Then the Soul reflecting back what is being heard and affirming that part for it’s role. Has been very insightful but I was wondering if we are missing more, I think revisiting the Cycle of Experience may help me there.