[Sheri]

INITIAL POST:
Finding it so ironic that this last module we are posting on is grief. Noticing I am grieving the end of this program. Fear affects my actions, uncovering what’s next, feeling pushed from the nest, uncertain of my ability to fly on my own… feel this fear has paralyzed me as I’m not taking steps at a familiar pace. I’m open to ideas, brainstorming, but holding action at arms length. After pondering this for a few days I woke this morning realizing how important movement is in our life, yet the next thought was there’s also “a time for everything” and stillness/pause is also important. Like a butterfly in a chrysalis seems still, while certainly there is much happening, moving, dissolving in there during what seems calm. Yet when it’s ready to transform it comes out struggling in movement that is crucial for its survival. Shortly after this all floated through my thoughts I happened upon a video from Katie Asmus on movement and its importance in both up and down states! Gotta love the timing of flow!

So back to guiding through grief, I have held two grief sessions with this client. The first on July 2nd, shortly following our intensive. The second session, just hours ago. The first, we knew was going to be a grief session. My client, upon hearing that we did a module in our intensive on grief, immediately said “We need to have a session.” She had recently had a major loss with the passing of her father-in-law, who was a very supportive person in her life. Tip: when knowing you will be talking about grief have a tissue box at the ready – duh! We were able to meet in person, spacing appropriately outdoors for safe distancing, and with her permission I remembered to record the session. (That is a win!) Once we established the coaching contract, including the confidentiality statement, her first comment in our session was “Yes, I want to talk about grief.” Just saying the word opened up the emotions and the tissue box was required, for both of us.

She came with the realization that her grief was different than expected. We talked about how that is ok. We discussed how grief is cumulative. New grief brings up all the past losses. She shared this is the “first time I have cried about Dad.” She had a hurtful moment during the celebration of life service and shared the story of “When you’re an In-law…you’re nothing…as the priest prayed for her Father-in-law’s kids and grandkids,” she felt left out. However, when I asked her how Dad saw her, she was able to see that from a different perspective, knowing she was his kid, not an “in-law.” We had lots of tears. We had some laughs.

She thanked me for being safe, and not needing her to be strong. It was the first time she’d cried about him because she was afraid that if she cried at home she wouldn’t be able to stop. It felt like “grasping at frayed rope.” She’d been feeling a sense of relief, that he was out of pain. Yet struggling that she was not feeling what she was “meant to feel,” be that sadness. It was a gift to be able to share with her that there’s no right or wrong, as well as, the Dimensions of Grief from our training. She related to many emotions on the list like feeling “really scattered, tired, bitchy (not on the list but several similar) – not normal.” How it hits you whenever, wherever it does. “It’s the unexpected things,” she shared a story of “walking into the kitchen after the memorial and getting hit with a wave of memories and realizations that she would never have his gravy again.” I was honored to just provide space when the tears came.

Grateful that I have my clients complete a pre-session form as it gave me some insights for asking questions during the session. She had mentioned on the form that she is doing a lot for others, her mother-in-law was one of them. So I asked her how Mom is doing. Listening back to the recording now I am hearing the pendulum of how that question brought her out of a tearful state, sharing in some humor and stories but still connected to the grief.

Nature – Wow, so we were aware during the session of the butterfly, and bees, that kept visiting. We had gotten together at my front yard garden with a fountain. Listening back to the recording I could hear the fountain and realized that the flow of water may have actually played a role in her ability to bring forth the tears she had been holding back.

Towards the end there was a silence, I asked, “What are you noticing?” “I am breathing. I feel a little light headed, honestly, in a good way, like the pressure is off…
I asked, “What is that telling you?” “Crying is good. Feeling is important. Necessary.”
“I needed to get out of my house and be able to feel. This was perfect, absolutely perfect. Wish we could hug…but so good to see your face.”

Today’s session was also grief based, but maybe more heavy on anxiety. Although the conversation had more to do with the unknowns of our world right now. Loss of her health as she battled COVID-19 back in March and is still struggling with her breathing and sleeping. Loss of a relationship with her little boy, who is now 16 and battling her on many levels, who is also grieving. Loss of control of planning her life due to all the unknowns and so much fear about the back to school situation as her husband is a teacher and everyone in her house going back to that exposure. Loss of “me.” She is no longer someone who loves people but rather sees them as the enemy. So while this session was rooted in loss, we were also able to get to some deeper needs and realizations. Her realizations: “I need to be me.” What does that mean? What’s missing? “I need to go for a walk everyday.” What does that look like? She described a wander. So we discussed ways she can incorporate Nature Connection for grounding herself. At the point in the session when she mentioned the anxiety I asked her if she was a barefoot person and kicked off my sandals and planted my feet solid on the ground. She followed along and commented later in the session how much that helped. I mentioned 5-4-3-2-1 and she was familiar with helping others calm down with it but didn’t realize she could do it for herself. I suggested that she start her walks with that to just help her get grounded at the start.
Another need: “I need to not see people as the enemy.” How? “Take wise risks.” What does wise mean? So we talked through defining some of what made her feel safe in our community right now. We practiced establishing her comfort zone, or bubble, by playing with the energy work we learned at Foundations. It felt insightful. Talked about how she could tell where my presence was even behind her, helping her establish trust in herself. “Face my fears.” Tell me more. She was referring to leaning into her comfort zone and pushing it or expanding it a bit each day. Finding “work arounds” for those times she doesn’t feel safe.

Her goal is to spend time in her creative space, take a wander and sit outside daily. When I asked if that was possible, as I was concerned of the EVERY day aspect but she said “yes, or I’m out of control.” I have been given permission to check in on her with these goals to see how she is doing. Accountability! We see each other a couple times a week for other activities. Another step is she plans to record 5 things in a goodness journal daily, this she will be texting me.

The walk/wander was her way to address needing to move more. I was able to share Katie’s wisdom sharing on the importance of movement in up and down states! We sat there and moved our joints, starting with our fingers and toes and up our arms to shoulders. It felt so good!

It is such an honor to hold her stories and laugh and cry with her. I do love this path I am on! Feels so right when doing it, just gotta do it more.

[Sheri]

SUMMARY POST: What have I learned in this module? I am just scraping the surface of what there is to learn regarding the brain and change. My biggest take away is that we are incredibly, miraculously made. Our bodies have the ability to heal and our mind does too! Nothing is so set in stone that it cannot be overcome, or rerouted, with proper awareness, consistent effort, and time. With the understanding I now have from this module I feel much more confident in guiding a client through a change process. Whether I am using this education for my awareness in guiding others or taking the time to share the knowledge, educating them to better understand what is happening will depend upon the client. As Taylor mentioned above, some clients will benefit from the understanding of why this is working, others will just want to see results. My comfort in being able to explain that there is a reason for why things are happening, patterns, grand canyon pathways, etc. and hope for change based in science is exciting! I have so much more to learn and am intrigued to keep at it. This is such a key aspect of coaching, I believe change is the main purpose for which my clients will seek me out. I can provide them with more than support, belief in them, and encouragement that they can change, but also an understanding of the how, why, and even why it maybe hasn’t worked in the past. Honored to provide this guidance and walk along their journey to the new them!

[Sheri]

SUMMARY: My takeaway from this Parts Work 2 module is based in self-awareness. I see parts work as an out of the box free-form tool (Gestalt!) that guides us, ourselves and our clients, into the ability to dig deeper into who we are and even some of the why if they desire to look there too. A tool we are empowered through, where we can enter into discussion with our parts to uncover who we are in the present, study the why to how we became who we are, and guide our future self into who we desire to become. The study of why or how we got to where we are can show us patterns for change.

Are you, or your client, struggling with the idea of Parts Work? Explore if there is a hurdle around the need to do it right or be right. I have found the lack of guidelines in creating the list difficult as I want to get it “right.” Reassure them, or yourself, that there is no right or wrong as it is this same lack of guidelines that provides the freedom to be unique, unique to you and only you know your truth. Kim also brought up in our ToolBox discussion on Parts Work that a client struggled around identifying or accepting “Soul” and seemed to have discomfort with using that term. I’ve been pondering on that since the call. I feel the need to be very simple and open when guiding others in using Parts Work so it is not limiting or defining for them. What sets Parts Work apart from other personality typing (or similar concepts) is that others tend to put labels, or boxes, for individuals to fit themselves into. They are dictating who we are. Parts Work gives a freedom to identify who you are uniquely. That even goes for the Soul, someone’s perception of this term may change as a person grows and develops especially on their spiritual journey. The concept that Michael even brings forth with using the term “CEO of the Board” or another leadership term to guide their parts being the the leader in essence of the system of themselves so that there’s a comfort and an embracing of Parts Work as a whole as a tool to become more self-aware, self-confident.

Patience, curiosity, and openness to what comes up during the process of Parts Work is key. The importance of discovery and familiarization of our parts may be even more important than the conversations we can have between the Parts once we identify them. I am realizing that this process is truly helping me uncover who I am. The insight I am gaining from this curiosity and work digging into my Parts identification is leading to great self-awareness.

[Sheri]

Kim, I think sometimes being on video is more distracting to me than the phone. Probably could do some parts work around that one.

Our definitions were different enough I would not have used the terms she did. I see resilience as more of a “bounce-back” ability, picking yourself back up or bouncing things off instead of them taking you down. Her description was steady, open and flexible. Not that there is a right or wrong, and in some ways these work together, but it felt quite different to what I expected in the moment and caused me to shift in my thoughts and questions. When I asked about when she feels more resilient it was in these descriptions that the energy shift was clear. She felt resilient when she is doing the self care steps she knows she needs and gets good sleep. Non-resilient feeling comes in when she gets overly busy, stressed and closed off. When I mentioned feeling the shift in energy when she shared these two descriptions it caused her to go back and consider her energy state in each as well. She described them as her energetic cords spiraling up and outward and colorful when resilient versus folding in on themselves when non-resilient. This awareness helped reinforce her desire to work on the prioritizing of her self care. She is already clear of the importance of doing these steps for herself but I think the visual and tapping in to the energy level helped to strengthen that need and clarify her visions. It is such an honor to witness someone’s shift in awareness and to support them in rerouting to the future they desire!

[Sheri]

Kim – LOVE! Love that you did this on a ride. It just really feels like your passions are coming together. The natural pauses for thinking that the trail provided feels like nature stepping in to participate. How exciting that he is seeing such immediate success from the awareness you helped him find. Including his sharing that success, and sounds like amazement, with you. I did have the thought/concern for snap back / relapse, as you also referenced, in this just being the beginning. He is fortunate to have you on this journey with him, helping him stay on, and get back on, the right trail! Way to go.

[Sheri]

I am sitting here pondering the question how Parts Work fits into nature connected coaching and it dawns on me: Parts are the very nature of our internal system. From day one (or so it seems) Michael discussed with us how nature does not just refer to just the green outside world, but can be whatever environment we find ourselves in or even find within us. Parts Work is very much nature connection in self awareness and self acceptance. Parts Works is the tool for discovery of the nature of who we are.

[Sheri]

Working on Parts Work this week, both as a client and a coach, has brought more insight to this process for me. I know Michael mentions how important it is to MOVE with PW. I really do feel the importance myself. Changing seats seems to change perspective as well, and really helps me settle in to that part from the other. It aids in a full body connection with that part. I am struck by how much the body can hold with that part’s character. I did also connect with holding a prop representation of the part but not quite to the same depth as I could get into the role of the part through physically moving. Another ah-ha for me was feeling the push back from the client when they were not wanting to step in to that part. Curious if there was more to it, the resistance that is. It was clear though, that we weren’t going there then. Maybe next time.

[Sheri]

INITIAL POST: This coaching session was held by phone. After confirming her acceptance of my guiding her through the session and reiterating the confidentiality statement, we started the session with a 54321 resourcing technique to help center and bring us into the present. I am proud of myself for not asking but rather suggesting, “Let’s start with a centering or connection practice.” Often I will simply ask how they are feeling and often they state that they “feel good and ready,” so we just move on into the session. I had a realization after watching some of our recordings that the nature connection piece is part of what makes working with me(us) unique from other coaches and there is importance in doing that, so I will set the intention that with clients from here on out the first step of our coaching session ceremony is connection. After introducing them to a few practices I will ask them what works for them or which they prefer. I did ask her if she had a preference on breathing or another option? I really didn’t know where this was going but she was open and willing and the 54321 idea came to me in the moment. It really did seem to bring her to a different state, that I could even feel over the phone! In fact, now that I think about it, since we were on the phone her description of the things she saw around her that brought her joy brought me some insight to what she had around her. Which I did reference later in the session.

When stepping into severance I asked what she felt would be a good use of our time today that would move her forward. She has a tendency to story and I knew she had a lot of things happening recently, in fact, we haven’t met in several weeks due to many events in her life, as well as, the intensive on my side. As much as I was interested in hearing how things were going for her I wanted to respect her time and not fall into a trap of chatting our time away getting caught up, so I was intentional in naming that with her. This seemed to really help her narrow her thoughts. While we still processed through a handful of things figuring it out, we came around to her saying “I want to become more resilient.” After clarifying what resilient meant to her, which I was glad I asked because her description and what I would have worked off were different enough it could have been an issue, because I see her as resilient (in my definition) but obviously she didn’t (in her own). Then we got clear on when and how she felt when resilient, as well as, when she did not feel resilient. The difference in her energies between the two was noticeable. We went deeper into that. How does her energy feel in this state and not? Then we were able to get to what she needed to do and how she needed to be to become more resilient. Finding us at the threshold, and quickly running out of time for our session (we did end up going over) we discussed how she needed to approach some upcoming events differently than she would have in the past to help her maintain that sense of resilience. We established some ideas and it required me to educate her around this concept of changing our pathways, patterns to how we want to be. Including the “Grand Canyon” and how it can take time and that practicing helps us to establish that new pathway before we are in the predicament of being faced with going with the old flow pattern. There was an ah-ha around how “we can heal those patterns” (her words) and she was even able to relate to how she has done that in the past by overcoming other obstacles. We decided to work on this concept of threshold more in the next session, in addition to the steps she plans to include in her daily self care practices she currently has.

Looking back on this session, that happened only about 3 hours ago now, I am excited that my understanding of change theory and awareness of her pattern was able to help me guide her to discovery for herself around the potential for change by rerouting this grand canyon. In addition to the 54321 resourcing practice nature was used elsewhere in our session. We used several nature metaphors and analogies as we talked through her current flow and the desired new flow. Plus, being a phone call I was able to wander around in my backyard during! In hindsight, I wish I had been more attuned to the nature around me as now I wonder if there were things I missed. I was connected and felt supported in my nature bubble but I was not looking to nature for guidance in relation to the coaching session. Next time! Also looking back over my notes I am wishing I had held her longer in those moments when she was describing how it felt when she was resilient, to help her connect with those feelings in a stronger way. Maybe bring them back later, too, in the threshold. There’s a couple other moments when she was in touch with her vision and stated it, I wish I had slowed us down a bit there to sit with that more and feel it, not just stay it. I don’t want to second guess the moment because sometimes things just move through quickly and on to another important piece, or down a different path. Glad I have the notes though, so I might bring us back to that in the future, if it fits.

[Sheri]

INITIAL POST:
Rewatching the Parts Work recordings from the Intensive has been incredibly helpful for me. I am eager to find clients who will embrace self awareness and self acceptance through Parts Work. I am clearly seeing the offering of Parts Work through a retreat / workshop format for the initial identification, introductions and interview process. Where the clients have intentional time to spend processing this information and getting familiar with their parts. I see this as laying the foundation for Parts Work within individual sessions. In fact, I have been roughing out a format for an online retreat day and will incorporate Parts Work along with Nature Connection. Slowing down and spending earth time, dirt time and sit spot experiences, meditations like 7 steps or 7 breaths, help us to go within and I can see how practicing these with a focus on identifying parts could really help the clients get clear on their parts once educated to the concept.

I am certain that the more I embrace the work on my own mandala, clients will too. The more familiar I get with moving/shifting my parts from a Soul directed perspective, as well as, having guided conversations within my mandala the easier the flow will come to guide others. Tapping into the curiosity of what makes them tick, who are they and what role they play is exciting. I have been spending time this evening writing out descriptions of my parts on another page of my jamboard. Somewhat through the interview questions, mostly “What do I bring to the system?” I have identified another part for my mandala and have a couple that I feel are so similar they really may be one. I am eager to set more time aside to keep working and will certainly be reaching out Mel and Amber, Taylor, too? For some Parts Work swapping! Seeing the value in the intentional time for it. I am also getting curious about what the Part’s motive is.

I found myself watching a video by Dr. Joe Dispensa this afternoon titled: You are the Placebo. Through the Trauma & Mind Body Super Conference, which is free this week at traumasuperconference.com. I am realizing the more I am exposed to this information the more it is clicking for me. Hmmm, just use it or lose it! He shared how we want to “change the brain from a record of the past to a roadmap of the future.” I see Parts Work and the mandala being such a strong tool for this transition. Establishing our snapshot of the moment but then taking the time to rearrange how we want the day to be, what parts need to show up, how and when, is creating the new dynamic of the “quantum model – causing an effect. Instead of the old model of cause and effect.”

Lastly, I also sense a benefit to rerouting the Grand Canyon of neurons, if we can isolate which Part(s) are resisting the change. Having conversation around the why and through self awareness providing the Soul the task of directing the system to what is best for the client.

[Sheri]

Summary Post – I had an ah-ha moment the other morning around LTC. It was a bit like a flash of realization and I am still working through the processing of this image so bear with me a bit here. The clients I have worked with thus far have all been scheduling one session at a time. Several of those I have coached over multiple months. What is the difference between a long term client and LTC? All of these sessions thus far have had a singular focus. An issue or topic discussed during the session, a plan made and worked on, accountability held till the next session. The next session was just assumed, often scheduled on the spot and sometimes held or possibly postponed. The big difference is we didn’t have a big overarching goal. A purpose for our sessions beyond they felt a need to meet, got something out of it and wanted to meet again. So while we are tracking our steps along the path we are not clear on where we are ultimately heading. We don’t have an X marked on the map to strive towards and we don’t have a timeline with it. So right now we are exploring, wandering, which is all well and good but moving without a why does not provide the motivation to keep at it when something else comes up. It is very easy to postpone because we don’t have a deadline or timeframe keeping us working towards that big goal. It is easy to postpone when money is tight and they don’t have a strong purpose or see the benefit of these sessions moving them to the X marking the spot. Without establishing that why or big goal with the client I have nothing to motivate or guide them towards. I think the idea has been avoided by me because having a big goal, their why, stated and a timeframe established puts an end date to our sessions. Leaving it open means they may never end, of course, they may not book the next one either. This has me really thinking about the big picture, the clients why, what’s in it for them, not just me getting “practice.” I always feel like our sessions have take-aways and ah-ha’s for them, but it often feels like a one and done. Feels like this is slowly clicking in. I will approach clients with establishing a map, co-creating intention and a timeline. The milestones that provide us with landmarks of growth along the way. My hope is that as one big goal is achieved the next map can be formed and we can climb the next mountain together too!

[Sheri]

Initial Post – Shaping a long term plan during training to pitch to my practice client I was able to see how taking – just like in mirroring their words back to them during a coaching session – I found that to be powerful in the pitch, using their words. Introducing her to the models we were using and showing where I see her, along with getting her agreement or adjustment to where she is along the path, the cycle or on the model; I think helps plant the seed that they are on a path and have a distance to go which helps them in seeing how a long term plan fits. When they see, or agree, they are only half way through the cycle, for example.

I had a recent session with an existing client and I found the conversation went naturally into Parts Work. Due to the initial work and use of Parts Work I feel it lends itself easily to long term coaching. With this client it came up initially around the idea of a possible tool to work through some issues, we had worked with some generic parts work for a few sessions awhile back but at the time did not take it deeper. I revisited this option when she was sharing another internal struggle and since we had success prior it seemed a natural plug, she said possibly but at this time wished to focus on something else. Then again at the end of the session, as we discussed self awareness, I revisited parts work as a great self awareness tool. Planting seeds to establish more of a long term commitment possibility.

My plans for using long term coaching will be based on a HARMONY model I am creating from combining and over-laying models we have been exposed to in training; including the life balance wheel, the concentric rings and the compass/four shields. These along with my own personal view of flow into harmony, which has been groomed for me recently through the HARMONY Challenge I posed to potential clients. The challenge included the following themes or daily topics: H = Health, A = Area, R = Release, M = Motive, O = Oneness, N = Now, Y = You; as areas of self-awareness and when providing the energy to these topics as needed, harmony is more likely to flow.

I am seeing the Challenge as an entry point to this plan/program. I see flexibility in the plan based on where the client is currently, the goals they have, and the pace they want to travel at all being moving pieces of the plan. As I write this, I am noticing this has a feel like a personal trainer? What am I thinking about that? What is this telling me? Or mean to me? OK, yes. Similar but not just focusing on health/fitness or even life goals, but finding HARMONY! The flow, the sense that you are on the right path. That the universe/God etc., are working in your favor. Energy is flowing in the right direction. On track. Connected.

As a portion of this plan I see offering HARMONY retreats that focus on self-awareness to include Parts Work, which mentioned earlier, leads very nicely into long term work with a client. An important aspect of my model is to keep it flexible / customizable. It is not a fix, not a magic formula. It is not a guarantee that if you do all these things you will get harmony, but I have certainly found that by working on these areas in my own life I am more apt to find myself in that flow and when harmony is found your goals, dreams – soul direction really are accessible to you.

I also really clicked with the idea of front loading the sessions of the long term plan. I realize this puts a stronger commitment on me as the guide up front financially. If payments are spread out more over the long term and in person sessions are heavier as we start the plan. So there may need to be clear expectations around payments up front. What I currently sense is weekly or more often if desired, then moving to a monthly session based on the client’s ability to do the work with accountability coming in more of a hands off manner, texting or quick calls.

Some of this accountability I see happening in support groups or accountability teams. I am starting my first one of these teams up next week with the first group of my challenge achievers. Time will tell how this will play out and what power there will be in it, again I expect that this concept will work for some clients and not for all. Nature is woven in throughout, through introduction of sit-spot routines, time in nature, meditation and practice of presence using wide angle and 360 growing awareness to the world around us through nature connection. One-on-One sessions occur in nature and wanders being open to nature and the lessons or messages it holds for us. This is critical not just for my clients but I realize how much more so it is for me. The necessity of taking the time I need for nature connection and soul direction to show up as my clients need me to, in my own flow.

[Sheri]

Nadine – “a shell of a program” – ding ding!!! That is what I was trying to come up with. The shell is what we bring. The guidance. The structure. They fill it with the “guts” – the need – the answers. We co-create it.

[Sheri]

Yes, Mel! I like the idea of planting that seed of long term coaching in your initial paperwork. Will be taking a look at mine too!

[Sheri]

Nadine -You opened my eyes to this “opt to renew with another 6-month coaching maintenance contract or explore other options such as a more intensive coaching program with weekly or bi-weekly calls”. I had been struggling with how do you decide how long to set up LTC for. But this takes the pressure off because you can simply introduce the idea of what would happen if you want or need to continue when the time is up. Especially as you point out that things change, COVID, etc. Plus the fact that you bring up the idea of the sessions not only decreasing but the possibility of picking up the pace if need and getting more intense if the situation calls for it.

I am liking the idea of an initial 3 mo LTC contract with the idea of adding a month, or more, as you go. So the initial commitment financially does not seem so steep and overwhelming. I think I would roll the added month, so not really waiting until the end of the contract but rather after 2 months offer the month extension so you can keep them on your books at the rate you offer and keep the flow going. If they decide to wait until the end of the 3 months then extend, it may incur a price increase or schedule change based on other patients filling your calendar.

[Sheri]

Wow. So glad you both, Nadine & Matt, got something from my comment. Although what you got was not what I was actually saying. Funny. I was not referring to getting payment up front but am certainly now thinking I may need to consider that since you both seemed to see the importance of it. LOL! I was just acknowledging that if I plan to offer more work up front yet spread payments out over the full time of the contract I need to be aware, or am thinking of having some kind of cancellation policy where they pay the difference of time spent. Will need to keep this all in mind. I just don’t see someone paying up front for the entire contract but rather a benefit they would see is that the payments stay the same monthly even if they get more value up front. Again, I realize that puts more on me from an investment standpoint and therefore should be discussed in advance with the client. Going to have to process on this one some more.