[Nadine]

I just viewed the Gestalt Toolbox Integration Webinar as I was not able to attend. As always, it is so nice to see your smiling faces. Thank you for that!

This was very useful webinar for several reasons. First, hearing the terminology (awareness awareness awareness, interject, projection, retroflection, cycle of experience, contact… to name a few) brought me back into the conversation. Because t feels like the Gestalt introduction by Derrick was eons away, even using Gestalt with my clients, since I have moved to practicing Partswork.

What was also very helpful to me is when Ivy said that Gestalt coaching is not in service of the client’s healing, it is not necessary about completing the cycle of experience, it is not therapy (Super important “nuance” which I am not sure was made very clear during the intensive training). Instead it is client led, the client notices her patterns, realizes that it is not serving her any longer and makes choices accordingly. The question for us as guide is how do we create an experiment around that? Did I understand that correctly Ivy, Mandy?

The term “super hero listening” that Mandy coined really helped me crystallizes the importance of listening to the clients and to ourselves as coaches. Thanks to Kim for bringing that up. Everything that is happening has everything to do with us, we are an inherent part of the equation.

And the reassurance that we do not have to have all the answers. As Mandy said: Live the questions long enough!! Thank you Ivy for this beautiful quote.
“Do not now seek the answers which cannot be given you, because you wouldn’t be able to live them. And the point is to live everything, live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

[Nadine]

I have found myself being stuck on a part that I could not name, and my focus became on naming the part at all cost as opposed to paying attention to how it was limiting me…. So I really like the suggestions you made to your client. To this day and still have a no-name part but I am slowly identifying its characteristics.
In a call with my client, I mentioned the exercise we did in nature when we were at the StarHouse, moving from being a Part talking to the Soul to being the Soul responding to a Part, and how changing position made it more real. I was wondering if that would work in an online session, and it looks like you made it works. Awesome work giddy Sheri!!

[Nadine]

A lot of work has been done on defining my Vision from a Soul’s perspective, allowing it to get defined without worrying yet about how to get there. Defining my vision will be an ongoing process and it will likely change with time, and that is part of the process.
The heart of the coaching is the coach-client relationship. Techniques are important but coaches should not be over-reliant on them. Instead, learning about the techniques is still important in order to determine if and when they apply and when to by-pass them. Among the ways to create a great client coach relationship is for the coach to be aware of the unconscious processes, being real, permission to be ourself, giving and receiving feedback all contribute to healthy relationship so is provocation and humor when done appropriately and humility, and know when it is too far to push.
In the context of professional development, it is important to consider supervision session for continued improvement, and to be able and willing to own up to doubts and mistakes and to receive feedback. In reading the chapter about Reflective Practice in the Coaching Skills Handbook, I see great value in keeping a reflective diaries on a selection of coaching sessions for my own benefit and my own learning. This is a great way to focus on me and on improving my practice. While at EBI, it is important to take advantage of all opportunities that will allow us to reflect on our work, such as online practices, meeting with our coaches and feedback from Michael.

[Nadine]

SUMMARY POST
To summarize my learning, Gestalt’s goal is awareness. Gestalt is an exploration tool that can be used anywhere in the session with our clients to bring awareness to a particular area and to bring focus on the Here and Now (process / what is happening vs. content / what is being discussed). Through my limited practice, our readings and the posts from my cohort, I can already see the opportunities to use Gestalt are endless as long as we go with the flow and let creativity take its course, use techniques toward increasing awareness, and as long as they emerge out of the dialogue. Awareness and dialogue are the two primary tools in Gestalt.
Though at first hand it seems easier to apply Gestalt when being in person with the client (easier to notice body posture, facial expressions, gestures), it can also be applied over the phone, though it might a bit different (now noticing more voice quality and tone, or tapping into baseline and energy shifts, tune in verbal rhythm of the voice, notice when contact is lost…)
I like how Ivy puts it “ As the guide, you are caught in the dance, too, because it’s not always just– what is happening now with my client, but also what is happening now with me? “ The Gestalt coach needs bring her whole self into the session. She seeks to be fully present in her body and aware of her thoughts, emotions, physicality and spirit/ energy. Gestalt coaching requires the coach to be intuitive, self-aware and in touch with her bodily and emotional selves. The coach’s presence is active, excited, healing, honest and direct, and the coach is responsible for the quality and the quantity of her presence, and for keeping her awareness and contact clear and matched to the patient. For this reason it is important to keep a pulse on what is going on for us as coaches, as well and to notice what we bring in the session.
What I learned in this last couple of months is that we no longer have to be confined to the structure on the Severance Process and still be efficient in determining the deeper need, and that opens up new possibilities. I am looking forward to learning more about Gestalt as this approach really appeals to me.

[Nadine]

INITIAL POST
I started my session with my client by asking my client: 1) how do you feel right now? 2) what are you experiencing? 3) do you have any body sensations?
My client went right away into story mode, and wanted to explain why she was feeling what she was feeling. I interrupted her and asked her to just state how she felt. Confusion arose for her, she went directly into her head, she no longer knew what to do, she felt like she was doing it wrong, and she became frustrated, likely with me. Her body language changed, she was in defense mode, I lost contact.
To re-establish contact, I grounded us back with some breathing. As she was tracking her breathing, I asked if any theme or dilemma was present (relationship, work, or what just happened???) and offered her to share with me. What was present for Karen was what just happened. A few themes emerged: “when I am cut off I don’t feel like I am worth their time”, “I get frustrated when people don’t lay the rules clearly”.
I owned up and apologized for interrupting her, maybe too abruptly. And, I brought to her attention that her reaction was very charged. I asked her if that was an isolated moment or if that was a recurring pattern. There may have been some reluctance to admit that there was a pattern, but she slowly found some examples that grabbed her attention to it.
We continued on that theme and I decided to use the empty chair exercise to explore further. I asked Karen to have an open discussion with her friend Angela, and to tell her how she felt. Angela was a pillow sitting on the couch in front of her, and the zebra pattern reminded her of Angela’s boldness. Karen though it was perfect. A few things came out of the discussion, as well as some emotions, but Karen was still censored, and was not able to fully express how she felt. I sense some anger and suggested she expressed to Angela, but “it is not something you do” she said (looks like an intraject we could have explored). Also the fact that she was not understanding where this was taking her, made her doubt every step of the way. I ended up spending a few minutes to demo a different scenario (that I had viewed online) and that seemed to have helped, and that freed her up a bit. I also mentioned and explained the circle of experience and how our mind complete it when it is not complete. Creating a brand new experience to complete the circle of experience was a concept she had experienced before.
Later on she brought up another friend, and the energy was super charged. At that point I realized that person would have been a better person in the empty chair, but I stayed with Angela as we were already 45 mn into the one hour session. Throughout the empty chair exercise with Angela, I stopped Karen a few times to ask her how she felt. Truth came out more readily that way and I then asked Karen to address Angela with those comments.
At the end of the session, we had gone somewhere, not exactly sure where, though Karen thought it was beneficial and she was satisfied. I personally did not think I was successful in completing the cycle of experience.
I shared my experience with Michael and here is his feedback. I am sharing it because I believe it could be useful for others. “I love how you hung in there with your client as she reacted to the interruption, and how you processed with her to where she became aware of the greater pattern in her life. You helped her create awareness (ICF). From what you shared, I do see your engagement with the cycle of experience. I know you were practicing Gestalt, yet coaching is not Gestalt Therapy. Starting a coaching session with a general question of what is arising now will always activate the story, and you will find your self swimming upstream a bit. What question could you ask at the opening of a session that focuses and grounds your client to focus on goal setting and contracting with you? Regardless, I will say that even the best efforts to quickly get to contract with a client can be overridden by the client’s need to stay in the story. When that happens, you need to go with it, but you can reflect in ways that trigger awareness. For example: “I hear how important it is for you to share the back story with me. What else do you know about your goal for this coaching session?” “
When I interviewed that client I really didn’t understand the difference between Gestalt Therapy and Gestalt Coaching. What I am slowly gathering is Gestalt might be a way for us to notice when there is in-congruence, or when the client is losing contact, or the energy is changing. It might just be another awareness tool for us, maybe that’s all we need to know in order to call the client’s attention on what it is happening for them in the Here and Now????

[Nadine]

I have a question for you my dear coaches and guides….

I am meeting with a client to practice Gestalt this Thursday 10/3 and I am wondering is there a better way to start the session. Typically I would spend a few minutes with the client to go over “what was” since the last session. But if my intention is to practice/use Gestalt, hence be in the “here and now” , isn’t that simple practice taking me back into the past and in some ways defeating the purpose? Would it be better to just not do a check-in, or do it at a later time, or skip it, and get into the “here and now” and meet the client wherever s/he is at the time we start the session?

Thanks all!

Keep the Fire Roaring and Be Hippy!

[Nadine]

As first stressed in Chapter 5 Coaching Skills, coaching begins with an assessment of where the client, and beginning the self-discovery journey starts with a well-rounded examination of where the client is now. In this chapter 5, several tools and techniques are described, among them autobiography, 360-feedback, psychometrics, all of which are best to be used in the very first stages of the coaching process. At the beginning of each session though, it will be important to take a pulse on where the client is prior to starting the session. Chapter 9 of Coyotes’ guide describes the Nature Cycle that could be used to provide a sense of direction and orientation for designing a facilitating learning experience.

Another takeaway for me was to realize how crucial it will be for me as a coach to be efficient at guiding clients through changes and transitions. Change is complex, so it is important to fully acknowledge from the start that the process may be difficult for the clients and or for the coach. It is also primordial to acknowledge that the desire for transformation is not the same as making it happen. The two frameworks, Kubler-Ross change cycle, for working with clients dealing with any kind of lost or changes, and William Bridge’s model to deal with transition, are important to understand and to teach the clients so that they understand their own processes better, but there are not rigid processes.

[Nadine]

Great job Melody following where the client is going and need in the moment!!
You always find a way to bring Nature, even on an online call, that is awesome. I cannot say the same for me. 🙁 I find it hard on a call.

[Nadine]

Hey Kim, Explaining Partswork to a client that has not yet been exposed to it still feels like a daunting experience to me as I would wish my client to throw herself into it with all her being. That said, I like to idea of prepping the client in advance, with just enough information to get them started to identify their key parts. As I saw all of us diving into Partworks with much enthusiasm, and really not a lot of teaching, I believe there is a simple way to describe it that would talk to the client. I am trying to craft something!! 😉

[Nadine]

First of all, as I am currently exploring combining coaching and motorcycle and in the process of defining a service around it, I am totally enrolled with the idea of coaching on the water! How cool is that?!! And so perfect for where you live. I definitely want to schedule a session with you. 🙂

The situation with your client reminded me very much of a coaching session I recently had, with a new client I had never met. That session left me question my ability to coach that client as I felt there was no opening for me to work from. I brought the situation up to Michael as I had apprehension going into the next session, and he reminded me that trust is a 2-way process and it has to be established first. What a good reminder! I let go of my worries, went into the second session with a lighter heart, my client started the session by apologizing for not being open on the first session… and we had a great session. You did know your friend well beforehand, but I wonder if trust still had to be established with Kim in her new role as a coach?

[Nadine]

Thank you for your post Sheri and for sharing your experience with bringing Gestalt into a video call session. I had not gotten that far in my head, but your and Mandy’s feedback are preparing me for it. The part of Gestalt that is interesting to me is the awareness of what is going on for us as coaches. When you say “I struggled with pushing her deeper” I am wondering if you had noticed what was going on for you at that moment? What were you bringing to the table?? Your own deflection, introjection, projection, confluence, retroflection??????

[Nadine]

I enjoyed reading your session and I followed it as if I had been there in person. I sensed flow throughout. What I am understanding more and more now is that we have to relinquish the need to go somewhere. I like how you have brought up your “hunches” to her attention and it may, or may not, have gone further and that is OK. And what I find amazing is that we always seem to get to the deeper need in a roundabout way. Now I realize there are different ways to get to the deeper need and strictly following the severance process isn’t a must.

[Nadine]

Thank you Mandy.

[Nadine]

Helo Sheri, In reading your post, I am discovering a theme that I have not yet encountered in my google search, and I find it super powerful. Helping the clients (parents, caregivers) connect or reconnect with Nature would have many benefits. You stated… reconnecting the parents to the gift youth has (that awe and wonder), but also it would mold the kids at an early age to appreciate the wonder of Nature. You even go further than that by envisioning the parents’ heightened acceptance and appreciation of the gift the children have. (at least that is what I got from it 🙂 and I like it!) This is so lofty!!! WoW!! I am enrolled!!!

[Nadine]

Hello Kim, Struggle there is in every step of the way!! For me defining on paper what my audience is not the hardest, but what I question the most is the implementation or my ability to do so. At the core, I want to build this new career around my ikigai, and that is where “what I love, what I am good at, what I can be paid for, and what the world needs” intersect. I had to do an inventory of my life to reconnect with the juicy moments in my life where I was fully alive and fulfilled. This was my start, and the process was very much done from a soul connection. Now I have a very lofty goal in front of me, and this is where my questioning happen. I am freaking out to be honest and any steps forward are harder and harder to take. It would be so much easier to retreat at this point.
Let the fire roar!