[Michelle Pruden]

Summary Post-

Jumping back in the last week or so and reviewing all our notes and all your post and wow I am so excited to see what everyone ends up doing. You all are so passionate about this work and it really is inspiring for me. I know all the post you all are about to receive are months late on my end but finishing this is a big deal for me and I hope to get some feed back or responses from you all.

Talking about trauma, I procrastinate and it has been something I keep learning about myself and working on. If I procrastinate than it’s not there, I don’t have to think about it… till the last minute. I don’t have to stress about finishing things because I literally ignore it and don’t think about it till the last minute. When did this first become a habit I ask myself? When did this at one point in my life, serve a purpose? I have gotten to a point where it isn’t serving me a purpose anymore, and it’s something that every time the occasion arises and I do follow through or finish something on time I remind myself to celebrate. This is a good reminder. That braking these habits and recreating new habits that creating some sort of celebration is important.

Something that I will always carry with me is, I said it in my initial post- “You can’t be in gratitude and trauma at the same time) I recently got a new job for a wilderness therapy program, I start in September! When I got the phone call that I got the job I went into the state of being scared of doing this work. I was so beyond excited that my time has come to step forward and do the work that means the most to me but that same feeling of shutting down and feeling not qualified or nervous that I wouldn’t be able to show up for others came over my whole body. I was driving when I received this phone call, tears came to my eyes, I can’t explain the feeling that came over me. I noticed and realized what was happening and why I was feeling this way. I am aware of my own trauma and the way it effects me in the NOW. I said to myself this is how I heal, being aware and working through it anyways. I am beyond thankful to continue down this road and I know moving forward that each experience while doing this work will also help me heal certain parts of me that were created during the trauma in my life.

Trauma is a subject that I feel needs to be well studied. I feel there is so many different types of trauma and it may look different in every person. Developmental Trauma is (I feel) the hardest to become aware of or at least the hardest to overcome. During the times when nurturing and support was most important we are passed down from others negative beliefs, perceptions about self and the world around us. Something I have realized, when I am away from home and away from the negative beliefs around me I am able to see what is actually mine and was passed down to me. This is so hard to see and realize when your’e in it. Reminds me to return to soul.

Another question that really opened up my eyes, and I am not sure who asked this. “Is it ok to feel ok when things are ok?” My answer was no. I feel we live in a world where we are always trying to fix something, or change something in our lives. We live in a state of worry and concern rather than in a state of gratitude. Again, a reminder to while working with clients talk about 2/3 of what works, create a container that is positive and affirming. Stop focusing on strengthening their weakness, focus on their strengths and what they do know and what IS working.

Regulating is a huge gift you can teach someone. Giving them tools to balance their nervous system during any chaotic time. Listen to how they already regulate themselves and have them make an agreement to use it to help themselves.

A question that I do have, is when to bring in a therapist and how to know it is beyond your ability to help guide them to move past/through it. I guess I will find out!!

[Michelle Pruden]

Initial Post- Tauma.

Trauma-

What doesn’t set well with me is that our bodies physically receives the trauma and it stay with us, that is unless we heal from it. Usually these traumatic experiences show up in our present moments without us even realizing it. For example why some are scared of letting people in, feeling like we can’t express ourselves, fear of change, etc. For most some of these traumatic experiences are projections from others, and as I see it and experience it, it happens during childhood where we are experiencing everything for the first time. I am not sure who said this but it sit well with me and it is what I believe for us all. “Your wound is probably not your fault, But your healing is your responsibility.”

Traumatic experiences aren’t easy for most to dig up, or to even talk about. We are taught to be strong, that being emotional these days is a sign of weakness. I truly honor others when they are open to healing, and are able to talk about things that aren’t easy… Yes, it is easier to lock our emotions up, put them away in a box and act like they don’t need to be brought out again. NO. Unless we heal from our wounds they will never go away. They will keep affect us in our present moments.

I have ALWAYS been curious to find out why people are the way they are. I loved hearing about people’s pasts and experiences. For me it helped me understand people, but for the longest time it served as an excuse for others. OH it’s ok because this happened to them and that is why they are like this…this brought a very unhealthy bond between me and many people in my life. Now the way I look at it is… SO now what? What are you doing do about this? Use it as an excuse and ignore the root of the issue? Of course I don’t want to go about it in such a harsh way, but to be there in the present moment with them and celebrate that YES now that you have discovered this, what now?! Lets do this and move forward! Be excited for them. Having these realizations are not easy to discover. They aren’t east to dig up.

I understand as a coach it is not our job to drag out others traumatic experiences but it is our job to notice when there is something in our clients way, something blocking them from growing and moving forward. It is our job to be in the most present moment while working with others so we can recognize any harm that has been done.

I can notice my own blockages and my own trauma a lot clearer. I can see the bigger picture. Yeah, it made me mad at first that the only thing that was in my way was myself, and my own trauma, and yes it was easier for me to ignore it, till now.

Mindfulness, and grounding ourselves when these occasions arise is one of the biggest tools we have. When a client comes to a blockage in their path, and they recognize their own trauma, this is HUGE. Bringing everything to the surface give us an opportunity to heal and learn how to move past it. Learning what to do from HERE on out is what we’re after. Like what we learned, “it is about bringing people into a state of greater connectedness, presence, safety, and ease.” and another repeat that was said that is a great reminder to us all is that…”You can’t be in the state of gratitude and trauma at the same time, and that’s where resourcing comes in to help regulate and ground us.”

To sum it up, I believe recognizing trauma is a huge skill to practice because it will arise in every client at some point. One huge thing that I remind myself is, is to not feed into it as well. Our job is keep our client moving forward towards their goals and their healing.

[Michelle Pruden]

Summary Post-

For me this is one of my favorite and hardest lessons to apply. It has help me and pushed me in so many ways. The “Now and How” I think since I have been in a state of the past and future for so long that it has been hard for me to switch over to look at the now. I believe being in this state of the harm the past and the fear of the future that it has stopped me from fulfilling my potential. My potential as a coach and as a person in general. When I talk about coaching and guiding others there is no doubt in my mind. When I am in my most present self I have no doubts. This present awareness has brought to surface so much for myself.

I believe when we show up for others it is important to be aware of ourselves. Going into each session without and judgments or preconceived idea of what they may need. Something I am working on is “maintaining my separateness while they maintain their separateness” I believe if I stay in the present moment with clients Ill be able to stay on their page and out of my own head. I want to be able to dance in the moment, shake up homeostasis, do something different with my clients so they can experience something different. I believe being fully present will allow us to do so.

For now its constant work, I remind myself to take note of what happening around me while its happening. To take note of how I am responding while I am responding or how I am showing up for others while im doing so. This allows me to see what is, to see the bigger picture. I truly believe this allows us to make changes.

Why is it tho so hard to do so? Because its making us look at ourselves and reevaluate ourselves thats why. BUT it allows us to move forward!

[Michelle Pruden]

I apologize for such late responses to everyone. I am getting back in mind set of coaching and practicing since the holidays and I have had the chance to go through and reread everyones posts. I feel so replenished after reading what you all have to say.

Megan I wanted to respond to your summary post and say I think you did an awesome job with being aware with you client knowing when you felt scattered and than to ask for a moment to reevaluate. I find it easy for myself to allow the client to run on and on and going from topic to topic and than coming to the end of a session feeling like you haven’t gotten anywhere. I do feel that if a session is coming to an end or if you feel you need to recap what is actually happening it is important that us as coaches are aware when we need a moment. So great reminder megan!

The one thing that I foresee having a hard time with is knowing when a good time is to take that pause. I am nervous about interrupting where they are or coming off as wanting to change the subject. I do believe pausing, restating the situation, and starting again with “what would you like to see happen?” or “what would you like out of this session?” creates dialog with a goal. Although every client is different and that is where gestalt comes into play. Be aware of where you are just as much and where you client is. It is all about being able to dance in the moment isn’t it!

[Michelle Pruden]

I had a new client this week and new I needed some refreshing of Gestalt. I had a hard time starting the session as my client got in my car and we drove to our destination. She just started the session on her own, throwing everything at me all at once. My client was very aware of actions and what she needed to do, I listened while she argued with herself. This is where Gestalt would have been great to use.

Brad, I love how you planned on starting your session with asking where he/she is at in her own life, and what their short and long term goals were. Showing sincere interest for your client is what they are coming to us for. This is a great way to invite our client to hone in on seeing where they are now in this present moment and than to have them share what it is they are trying to accomplish. This should invite great awareness.

If I could go back to my session this week I would have asked her to start with exactly this. Where are you NOW and where is it you are wanting to go? The contrast of the two will be out there in the open for her to examine. I find it hard to stop or interrupt a client when they are wanting to talk and talk. This is where I can use Gestalt and have my client stop, take a deep breath, and ask “what is coming for you?” Creating awareness during the whole session is necessary.

[Michelle Pruden]

Summary-
I am sorry for my absence lately. I sat down today and reread everyones posts and responses. I feel so blessed every time I hone back into EBI and feel that connection we all share. Lately something I have been working on is taking responsibility for my own connection. I am working on having the inspiration I need without the need to seek it elsewhere. I tend to blame it on the people in my life, my job or co-workers, I even blame it on things like money…well everybody turns out I have been deflecting a lot in my life. We all do it, it feels better right? Not to take action for how we feel or how we react.

I have been getting to know this part of me lately that’s the “Avoider” This avoider that has don’t get me wrong, served a purpose in the past, but it is no longer serving me well. It is MY life and MY connection.

I had a session with Ryan within the last month. This really shook things up for me. During our session I was getting to know where the avodier was born. I was asked questions like “how old are you?” and “how are you feeling right now?”(Gestalt Therapy) As I got to know this part of me, helped me understand other parts of me as well. It all blows my mind really! TO understand where each part of us was born, and the roll these parts play in the present day is where the healing begins.

For me my urge to help, love, and connect with others has always been apart of who I am. I have a twin brother for those who didn’t know. I have discovered that being a twin has always been one of my biggest parts, even before I was even born. As soon as I came into this world I was comforting another human. Literally the biggest connection I have ever shared. Don’t get me wrong I was lucky enough to be born a twin and to share this connection. Getting to know this part of me has made me realize a lot about my wanting to connect on a deeper level, the urge to comfort and love for others. BUT at some point in the last 27 years I have made a habbit of putting others first and not taking care of myself. I realize this fear of coaching and helping others that I have developed in the last few years is me fearing of loosing myself and all the work I have done for myself. I am learning the balance of being there for others but knowing where my boundaries are. This is the biggest lesson I have faced in a long time. It is such a deep part of my that I am now trying to work on so I can show up for others, be a life-coach, and still manage to take care of myself.

I know this post isn’t about coaching others but I felt this is what I needed to conclude on, what it has done for me and what I am going though. I am working on finding clients and feeling confident enough to show up as a coach. I feel the healing and the shift inside of me and that excited me more than I can explain.

I also want to say that I feel we can do so much experimenting with parts-work and I am searching for way to do so and I am exited to become more familiar of how to use it with clients.

Michelle

[Michelle Pruden]

Initial post-
I had my first session with my client that I discussed in Gesalt. His issues was that he has been infatuated with one of his girl friends since he was a teenager. He had this whole story he had told himself for over a decade of what it would be like to fall in love with her. My client did a lot of going back and forth an rambling on what he has thought was his reality and to him now realizing was a story he became attached to. This client is very aware so I let him ramble on and while doing so he was making all of these realizations on his own. This was a good reminder, the client has all their answers they are searching for. I know this is true for me. When we meet another person, the story we have created from past relationships or friendships of what we want and what the relationship already looks like before we even step into this new relationship. I believe this is a form of partswork. We are taking parts of us from our past relationships and connections and we take this with us every time we make a new connection or form new relationships. Every time something arises that we are familiar with, we refer to what has happened in the past, what their responses will be and what the outcome will be as well. I believe by making these realizations of our parts and understanding them more is when the healing begins and we are able to create a new story or a new “part” that we will than live by and take with us.

For this session most of our time was spent letting him ramble and talk through the last decade of connection and relationship with this friend. I used Gasalt to keep him him in the present moment since he kept returning to the past. I used questions like…whats your connection like with her today? how does this make you feel now? Pointing out his current relationship with her verses what was a story helped him realize that his current connection with her wasn’t what he thought it had been. .

I am helping my client do something similar to what we did while learning partswork. I am having him write down all his parts for our next session. I am looking to use partswork to help him in this situation but I am not 100% sure how to do so. I feel Gesalt therapy will be more helpful for this client. Any recommendations? I am trying to understand partswork more and how to use it and when. I feel practice will help and I feel comfortable diving into it. One thing that pops into mind is when he is talking about the relationship to ask him how old is he? my guess would be that he is younger, possibly a teenager. I would than experiment with him and have him sit in this role of a teenager or however age he feels. We will see how it goes!

Any recommendations?

[Michelle Pruden]

Initial Post- 10-30-2017

I felt a blockage since I got home. This seems to be a reoccurrence for me and I have chosen to be present with it, and work in these times to change what it is that is that is happening for me. It is interesting Gesalt therapy is so relevant at all times. To be present and to work through any present struggles you or anyone is having is the key for change. I apologize for being late.

I have my first practice client this week, a really good friend of mine who has been struggling for awhile. BACKSTORY. He has told himself this story since he was in middle school,(He is 28 now) of being in love with a really good friend of his. He is super aware of what is and what isn’t. He is also super aware and able to realize whats good for him and what isn’t but is super easily influenced. He has come to me to help him become aware of what it is he is holding on to, and to see the story he has told himself for years and years and to see the reality of it all. I am choosing to help this good friend of mine even though I have my own thoughts and feelings on this situation. I feel like this is a good way to to practice sitting in this session with HIM and how HE feels. This will be a good way to practice dancing in the moment with my client and not get emotionally involved in HIS story. While working with him, Gesalt thearapy will be very present, I feel that I will be guiding him back to the present moment quite a bit since this story has been around for over ten years. I will be prepared with questions to bring him into the now. I feel like we might sit in the past for awhile unless he comes willing and really to except what is.I am super excited to work with him on this, and to use these skills we have learned. I think the hardest thing to do is get over these expectation we have from these stories we tell ourselves. These stories become our reality, or so we think it is our reality. Bringing ourselves and our clients to the present moment is the best way to except our realities and it hopefully allows us to than move on. Move on or create a new reality for ourselves.

Another thing that I see as a struggle for this client is the connection between his mind and body. I think him becoming more aware of his physical body and where these emotions lye will help him be able to work through it more clearly. I think I will start our session out by having him sit for a good 5-10 minutes and describe what he is feeling and where. I think starting the session out being aware of where we are when starting theses sessions and doing this same exercise at the end of our session is a good way to become aware of our most present moments and emotions.

Any good powerful questions or activities to experiment with this more?

Over all I think since learning Gesalt it has allowed me to be more in the present, to analyze things as it is happening. I think it definitely will take practice. I seem to want to understand the past to understand the present so I will have to make sure while working with clients I don’t do this, or realize when to bring them back to the NOW.

Using nature will be one of our biggest tools to bring our clients to the NOW. Nature is a constant tool that I use to be able to get a clearer picture of where I am and how I am feeling. Nature always gives us the space to make these connections and will always be a place for healing. For most it happens without even seeking. Nature is our setting and our teacher while coaching.

I will follow up after my session to tell how Gesalt therapy showed up for me.

[Michelle Pruden]

Megan! Everything I have learned through EBI has made me look a lot closer at myself and my habits or patterns, my own trauma, etc. I believe there is stages of what happens next for us, or at least for myself.

Once I have had realizations of what has happened in my life, including trauma it seems I go though a series of emotions. First it seems to be emotional, things that I have dug up that I didn’t want to remember or admit, things that I thought weren’t affecting me but were, etc. Than it is an emotion of relief, I feel that it creates a space for healing. I feel that allowing it all to come to the surface has allowed me to look it dead in the eyes and it has given me the power to heal and move on. I havent quite figured out how to completely heal from some things. Especially things that are still happening in my life today. But it has given me the upper hand knowing what isn’t right, and than it really puts the ball in our court you know? I have realized I can’t put the blame on other people for something I have allowed. It allows me/us to feel like we have more of the control of the situation. I think that is HUGE. If we can give our clients the feeling of having control over how they are being treated, or how they need to respond to something that isn’t healthy for them than that is a big step in the right direction.

So to answer your question about once I have realized my own trauma an I able to release it. The answer is yes, I believe it creates the space to than heal but I do believe there series of emotions and different steps for everyone….

[Michelle Pruden]

Thanks elizabeth! I agree that it is easy to hang around too long on the clients “problem” rather than help them move through it and to move on. I believe for me it is because I want to understand their back round and I want to understand why they are the way they are. BUT this doesn’t matter. That is not our job. Like you said, its our job to brake their cycle, to shake up homeostasis. Hopefully, most of our clients are coming to us to move on from an issue/bad habit or a repeating cycle.

TO answer your question about if I see myself helping my clients release their trauma the answer is most definitely. I would love to learn more ways to do so, or practice with myself first. I love all the grounding exercises, and would love to brainstorm more ways to physically release it from our body. I also believe that helping our clients focus more on what does work and what is going well in their life will create that positive container for them to focus on more.

I also wanted to add that I agree with you 100% percent about clarifying their goal from the beginning to make sure you stay on track and to prevent yourself from having road blocks as you said… I think that is a good way to stop when things are getting off track and from going too far down the wrong road. You may ask, “so how is this effecting you from your original goal, or what is the relationship to your goals.” This is a great reminder to stay on track to your clients goals and not have any attachments to your clients outcome. So THANK YOU!

[Michelle Pruden]

Elysa something you said caught my eye rereading one of your posts.

“I see and hear the various parts speaking and flipping and simultaneously feel the parts of me listening and responding when they feel they can relate more or understand more what a client is going through.”

I find this is be so accurate when I am coaching. It is easier to respond when parts of you can relate to your clients story/issue. I find it easier to mirror my client when I can relate and feel what they are saying. At times this makes it hard for me because I am empathizing and I don’t want to take their story personal. But hey, we’re human and we can all relate at some point. This is where I hope the practice of gestalt comes into play. Being aware of myself during a session as much as my clients.

[Michelle Pruden]

Erica- I am sorry for the late response! I think you were 100% accurate about your observation of my client. It took us awhile to get anywhere because he was so stuck on this story that he couldn’t see what was happening in his present self. When I asked him what part of him fell in love with her and than proceeded to ask what part of him is falling out of love with her he was able to see the contrast of what was and what is. I think I could have gone deeper on partswork with him but I we stopped after two coaching sessions. When time went on I asked him about this situation and how it was going. He said once he was able to observe the situation for what it was he realized what he was holding on to was how he felt when he originally fell in love with her. He was in love with the feeling she once gave him, and wasn’t in love with the feelings she gave him in the present day. This helped except and move forward.

I think I have mostly used partswork for myself. I seem to always ask myself who is talking, who is it that feels this way, etc. This has helped me get to know my parts and work on each of them. I believe we could do partswork with every client. I am looking forward to becoming more comfortable in finding ways to do so.

[Michelle Pruden]

Elisabeth- I think you did more than you think! If the client walked away being more aware of their situation than that the first step! I also wonder what to do when the client rambles on, from subject to subject. I think it’s great the you felt comfortable to ask to pause to check in, a good reminder that we are all human. It is also a good time to have your client check in. This is a tool that I plan on using. We might need a moment to catch up with their words, body language, energy etc. but im sure asking them to pause and take a moment, check in with how their feeling. Bringing awareness to the present moment is key, I must agree! I think giving them the option to come up with tasks is a great idea as well! Good job!
Michelle