Joshua Maze
Forum Replies Created
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**Initial Post**
I do not have any clients yet, so I will write on my personal experience with this intensive and how I hope to utilize this in the future.This was the intensive I’ve been waiting for. Grief work is really interesting to me. The uniqueness of how it affects people. Reminiscing past adventures, retelling stories, longing for life to go back to how it was before. I find all of that really moving. And so important. What this course reminded me was that not all grief is related to death. People grieve the loss of a job, a loss of relationships, a grieving a decision made that can no longer be undone. Grief is what binds us because it affects us all in so many ways.
During my coaching session, I talked through a grief that involved a past choice that cannot be changed and the heartache it caused then and continues to cause now. Though I did not necessarily need coaching or resourcing, what I needed was someone to listen to my story. That’s all. And sometimes, that’s what grief work is—just being there and holding space. When the bereaved is ready to share, the story will come out, it is our job to be there when it is time. I am grateful that my coaching partner held that space for me. What could have been a challenge, the fact that I was new to the group, did not seem to affect the session at all.
As I grow into my new work as a postpartum doula, I am certain to encounter parents experiencing grief. Mourning the loss of their childless days and the freedoms they had. Mourning the loss of friends who drift away after a birth. Mourning the loss of opportunities at work, as your focus shifts to your child. I hope to be able to utilize the trainings I have received here and elsewhere to help facilitate parents’ grief.
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**Summary Post**
After reading through everyone’s posts, what I am finding is this Gestalt isn’t nearly as complicated as I was making it seem. What that tells me though, is that you have to be in the right head space for Gestalt to work. So long ago, when we were together at the Starhouse, I was not mentally ready to accept the gifts we were being given. I am seeing from other’s comments and posts that I might have missed the lesson. And that’s ok. Everything takes as long as it’s meant to take
I am forever grateful that I was able to experience Gestalt (and all of the other intensives) with you fine folks.
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*Initial Post*
During Gestalt and in the time since then, I have been confused on the topic. All of it felt so different, with so many new (made up?) words: Introjection, Retroflection, etc. How could I possibly understand this? And, furthermore, I could I possibly apply it to my personal life and my coaching practice? After reading through the notes and everyone’s responses on here though, I think I was making this concept harder than it needed to be. If I understand correctly, Gestalt, at its essence, is just what is happening NOW. No deflecting, no changing the subject, no BS. What is real right now?It’s interesting to come to this conclusion over a year after the course, having had time to fully process and grow as an individual. During this intensive, I was not in a good place mentally or emotionally. I was not ready to fully absorb the concepts being taught to us. As I look back through the notes though, I am able now to see what I was missing then. That’s not to say that I am fully there, but I am on my way.
The more I learn and study about Gestalt, I think I might be able to use it with future clients. Maybe. My focus is shifting away from life coaching and on to doula work and family system dynamics. I can see this maybe working if a doula client is interested in diving deeper into coaching, to perhaps work though emotional blockages. But coaching is only one aspect of my future endeavor, so that is still yet to be seen. It is at least good to have this as one of my tools when I work with new families.
A better use of Gestalt, for me, might be a way to check in with myself and use it to help shape my mandala. How am I today? What am I feeling right now that needs to be addressed?
It will be interesting to see how much of this I actually wind up using.
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Morgana,
Timing is certainly a thing, isn’t it? When you wrote this, quarantine and the pandemic were just winding up. I wonder how you have faired since then. Hopefully in the months since then, you have been able to gain clients and begin guiding people.Our experiences together as a group and individually since the last intensive are very similar. I also do not have any clients, but I am continuing to work on myself so I can fully show up for those wanting to work with me. Let me tell you, you CAN actually do this. I have faith that you’ll get there. Due to the pandemic and other circumstances, how we serve and who we reach might look different that we originally planned, but I know you’ll make your mark.
I love the idea of using the tools learned through this program to start a Celtic Shamanism spiritual practice.
I also really love what you said about this work being sacred. We are asking clients to be very vulnerable with us and we must hold that space very intentionally.
Good Luck with everything my friend!
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Ben,
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I can definitely relate to feeling like the Friend part tries to come out and relate to the client and bringing your own experiences into the session. As I reflect back on our cohort and my time with EBI, I recognize that I did that a lot. I wanted to be friends and “fix” the issues. Taking that approach was neither helpful to the client or to my own progress through the program. It was good that you were able to quickly recognize that and found another tool to use to bring you both back to the coaching session.I have often struggled to understand the concepts of Gestalt and its practicality, but your example helps to make it clearer. It’s about bringing the client to the forefront and having them reflect on what is happening for them right now.
I like how you were able to also incorporate some Partswork into the session. I can definitely see how this method could help build trust and set up a longer-term coaching arrangement.
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**Final Post**
In looking at everyone’s post and listening to the recordings, I can tell that Partswork is something that excites and intrigues most of the cohort. I find the whole process fascinating and I love that it can be used in so many different settings, whether its out in nature, in a clinical office setting, in a board room, or in a client’s home.
One of the most powerful lessons that I learned though partswork was to honor each part for what the offer. There are no bad parts. And your soul doesn’t lie to you or try to shame you. For a long time, I felt like all of my parts were against me. Partswork has been a useful tool in checking in with himself and remembering that my parts are not against me. They may just need to be retooled and repurposed.
Partswork was my favorite topic, and I am glad that I got to experience it with this cohort.
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**Initial Post**
As I write this, I very far behind in my course work. I wonder which of my parts contributed to such procrastination. My soul though knows the importance of completing this course and the certification.
As I reflect on Partswork 2, I am reminded of my overall mental state. Which parts were coming to the forefront, if you will. I was not in a good head space. It is interesting though to look back and remember how my coach facilitated the session. It was helpful to see my parts in 3 dimensions, out on the land. I remember there were trees marked for removal that I used as parts that needed to be repurposed, tall strong trees used for my family centered parts, and a heavy stone as my soul—immovable and everlasting.
The challenge I felt as the client was allowing all the parts, as well as the soul, a chance to speak. Many of the “bad” parts were angry and wanted to have the focus on them. (I later understood that there are no bad parts, only parts that needed to be repurposed). The soul (and my coach) gave those parts ample time to speak and helped facilitate a conversation around finding new ways to contribute to my life. The angry and anxious parts, for example, were protectors at their core. My coach helped find protector roles that were more aligned with the soul’s vision.Partswork is by far my favorite tool used in coaching. Even though my career path has shifted, I still see an opportunity to use partswork as I work with new families. I could see this as a tool to help coach parents through the anxiety and apprehension around bringing a little one into the world.
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Sandy,
I wonder how the experience of Partswork via Zoom went for you. Sadly, many people right now are having to find their best method of coaching during the pandemic. Is it Zoom, phone, masked up and socially distant? This seems to be a challenging time for many. But I’m glad that it seems you were able to make it work.Inviting her to use objects in her kitchen was a good idea. Not only did this exercise work in the moment, but she may be able to reflect back to this session later when she passes those salt and pepper shakers.
If anyone could make partswork work via Zoom with an 8-hour time difference, it would be you. You are a well skilled practitioner, and any client is fortunate to have you guiding them.
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Kevin,
Partswork is also one of my favorites. While it can be used anywhere, I find that this method works best outdoors. The coach and client need to have the space to move about and interact with the various parts and the soul. For me, having trees that were marked for removal, sturdy heavy rocks and strong healthy trees all representing different.
Like you, I find that I use Partswork to sort through my own internal conflicts. Which part of me is feeling this way? What does that tell me? I have a mandala up in my kitchen that reminds me of the relationship between my parts and my soul.
I hope that in the time since writing these, you have been able to practice Partswork both in your own life and with clients. -
SUMMARY
From re-reading all of these posts and reflecting back on the intensive, I am reminded that trauma takes on many forms. For some, it is in response to a tragic accident, for others a devastating end to a relationship, and for some, it is generational. Whatever the root cause, trauma can affect anyone and everyone.
It is appropriate that Trauma is paired with Brain Change in this intensive. So much of one’s response to trauma is learned behaviors and coping techniques. If we are able to help re-route those neural pathways and offer an alternative to trauma, the client might be able to come to terms with their past and move on to a healthier outlook.
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MJ,
What I find interesting about this is that despite having no self-worth, she knew deep within her that she needed help, which is how she sought out a life coach. To me, that small act is powerful. That says that she recognizes there is trauma and needs help to move past it. I would count that as a win.Offering the 7 breaths as an exercise when she wakes up is a good idea. It should help to re-ground her and help her fall back to sleep. I think it is really encouraging that she wanted to show you her homework. It sounds like she was proud of her work. That is showing self-worth and confidence in herself. It’s amazing what some good coaching and breath work can accomplish.
I hope that in the time since you originally met with your client, you have been able to help her process the trauma of her past relationship and have brought calm to her life.
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SUMMARY:
I wrote my initial post over a year ago. I wonder why I didn’t follow up with myself and honor the commitment I have made to this cohort and to myself. What neural pathways exist that are so deeply engrained that I have fallen into the old habit of being non-committal and unable to complete tasks that are important to me. As I re-read my post, detailing the relationship the client Tom, I am embarrassed. Tom is a fictional character based on myself. It is embarrassing that 1) I didn’t have a client to write about and 2) the story I told about myself was a lie to complete this assignment. If I believed the coaching suggestions I was telling myself, I wouldn’t have needed to fabricate the story.
Now, a year later, some things are very much the same, while others have improved. I still struggle with my mental health, job dissatisfaction, and relationship concerns. But, to harken back to this assignment, I am working to reroute those neural pathways that are comfortable in the uncomfortable. I have made a commitment to complete my NCC and have started down the path of establishing a new career for myself. Slowly but surely, that river is forming a new canyon. I just wish it wouldn’t take so damn long.
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Cory,
I love that you were able to get to her why. Since it sounds like she has an important motivator—her grandkids—hopefully, she has been able to tap into that and has found the power within herself to become healthier.
Changing one’s lifestyle, such as an overall goal of eating healthier and becoming fit is a perfect topic for long-term coaching. It is not only about the act of eating healthier but finding the reason to be healthy and uncovering the reasons why she has chosen to remain unhealthy.
As a Nature Connected Coach, I wonder if you were able to incorporate hikes or other outdoor fitness into her health plan. Perhaps something she could do with her grandkids? Having the positive reinforcement of her family by her side might be a stronger motivator that going it alone.
It has been several months since you originally wrote this post. I hope that despite the pandemic and other negative factors, you were able to use your skills as a coach and help guide her to a healthier lifestyle. -
Adriana,
“What does it mean to be burnt out?” Great question to invite self-reflection and begin a dive into the deeper need. It sounds like guiding her through the stages of change were helpful in seeing where she was at on her journey toward retirement and where some of the barriers were. Retirement is a big step for people, and it is a good reminder that work has become their identity. I would encourage both you and your client to hold these sessions with grace. This is a big change that will take a lot of planning and coordination. As I write this, it was over a year since your original post, hopefully with your support and guidance, your client has been able to retire. And hopefully, she has continued to see you as a coach to continue working through the stages of change in other aspects of her life.
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Ben, having you client re-focus her attention to a time she felt pride and accomplishment was a good idea and definitely what this intensive is about. It’s all about beginning to reroute those old ways of thinking. You mention in your post that you don’t think this is a tool she will be able to take with her. I wonder if there are other tools we have learned that will equally build her self-esteem and help to provide that neural change.
It sounds like meditation is a practice that she is comfortable with. It was good that you recognized that and offered the 7-breath exercise. Not only is this a good way to begin a session, but it also an adaption of a practice that she already has, and she can take with her