[Lauren Lucek]

Since the intensive training in September about Parts work and Gestalt, I have noticed a lot about myself. All these ‘hidden’ parts of me sitting under the surface for so many years, limiting me in so many ways!!! Mostly I am thankful for the introduction to this concept, not only for myself, but the new tools I have to work with my clients.
Continuing to work with my client Nicole has been a bit of a challenge. Sometimes I think she is not ready to put in the work, and other times I think she has not had someone to actually listen to her. So I remain patient. I watch her small successes and more consistent set-backs, but I remind myself that I just need to hold space for her. I continue to use my Gestalt awareness concepts and gently remind her of the Parts she has identified (and that Rome wasn’t built in a day), and change can be slow, but putting in the work is worth it.
The last training we had around Trauma has also helped with different Parts work and given me some excellent tools/exercises to work with my clients in a more effective way.

[Lauren Lucek]

This was my second session with Nicole. She had to cancel the one that we had scheduled the week before. This time, we grabbed a coffee and headed to the park! As we entered the park, I told her to pick a spot, ‘whatever space was calling to her’. She headed to a spot in the park that was on a cliff’s edge with a nice view. She chose to sit at a picnic bench (which I didn’t love, as it’s concrete and forces you to face each other but with a good amount of distance)…but then again, it’s not about me. I established the coaching agreement and reminded her that this was confidential, except to use in my training.
She dove right in when I asked her how she was feeling and what she wanted to talk about. She started describing a guy she had been on a few dates with and how unsatisfied she was with him and the situation. She stated feeling empowered a few nights ago, when she decided to go home instead of stay with him for the night. She said she felt happy and not lonely (like usual), but then she said that she started questioning herself and wondering if she has ‘given up on finding love’.
Quick backstory and some things she stated in the session:
Nicole has believed for years that being married and having kids equals love. Since moving to San Diego and her father dying, she states that she wants to be happy and proud of herself in her career and as a person, and not get so wrapped up in the pressure to marry and have kids (that she puts on herself). However, she has been questioning herself, as to if she has changed or if she has just given up. She also disclosed that she was kicked out of her mother’s house by her step-father at the age of 15 and was forced to stay with whomever would take her in. Her stepfather said he didn’t want to have kids, and her mother (drug addict), allowed this to happen because ‘she had a horrible upbringing and she was doing the best she could’.
This traumatic experience has created a very important mindset in how Nicole sees herself and what she believes she deserves and what people expect of her.
Some key statements that Nicole made that brought me to talking about Parts Work were: ‘I need to figure out the bad things about myself so that I can change/fix them so people will like me more.’ ‘The natural me is not attractive.’ ‘If they don’t NEED me, they won’t LOVE me.’ ‘Pleasing others makes me feel whole. But it’s not reciprocated ever. And I blame myself because I created this situation. I become a need over a want for people.’
I started talking about the theory of Parts Work and talked about Soul, and how different parts are always fighting to take the drivers seat. I also stated that we all have these different parts, and they are not good or bad, they just ARE. So, given that short introduction, I asked her to describe the parts of her that were in conflict. She immediately came up with Pleaser and Critic, and these two being a massive struggle for her. At this point, I thought about doing the exercise where the ‘part’ talks to the Soul. I’m not sure she is ready for that, but definitely will use it in the future!
We talked about how these two parts can be helpful in certain situations, and also how they can be debilitating in others. I invited her to start observing how and when these parts start trying to take control, and how that makes her feel. I told her not to focus on getting upset with herself, but to simply observe. She said she thinks she will like doing that because ‘it will make me more aware of how I treat myself.’
We continued our conversation with her expressing her need for personal goals/direction. She stated that if she didn’t have goals then she was ‘a loser’. She described her life in Tacoma before she moved down here, and said that she was very successful in her career as a mortgage broker and was ‘surprised but proud’. Then one day she had these overwhelming feelings that she had made the ‘wrong choice’, (following a career path) and that she wouldn’t be able to get married if she was a serious businesswoman. She decided that she was going to quit her job and move to San Diego because she wanted a different life and her new ‘goal’ was a relationship. And so far, she states that this is a failure (another reason she is really hard on herself). At this point I wish I had been recording the session, because I honestly feel if she had listened to it back, she may feel that these statements sound a bit sad and ridiculous and it’s frustrating to hear and see women get so wrapped up in society’s expectations…this was a challenge for me. I wanted to shake her and say, ‘you are a great person and just because you do well at your job doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship!’ Side note: this makes me think about my business plan and the type of clients that I want to work with. But somehow I’m going to have to understand how to deal with women that struggle with these choices.
Towards the end of the session, we talked about journaling again. She said she had used her journal to write about all the deep dark stuff she felt she couldn’t tell anyone else. I offered the journal as a place to write down goals, to explore her different parts, and maybe some affirmations. Nicole said that she needed a bit of direction with that and it would help her stay more accountable. I sent her the following email after our session:

Nikki,
Great job today being open and honest. I know sometimes it is hard to be vulnerable, but in the long run, it is worth it. So thank you for allowing me to hold space for you.
We talked about the benefit of journaling today, and while I believe it is a great outlet to unload your feelings and fears, it is also a great place to write down what you want and need in this life.

What we discussed about journaling this week was:
*What is your idea of happiness?
*What makes you happy? And what does that ‘feeling’ of happiness look like to you?
*How do YOU define success?
*What are your goals?

I don’t want this to be overwhelming, but more of talking points. Don’t feel like you need to write paragraphs about each question. Just write down your initial GUT feelings about the questions. Remember, this is for you. And the most important thing you can do, is OBSERVE what you are writing. Notice that ‘voice’ or ‘part’ of you that may want to change your answers. Just NOTICE. Remember that these are all just voices. Voices that are trying to tell your soul what is right or wrong. But you already know what is right or wrong.

See if this exercise works for you. We can discuss it next week in our session.

“True personal growth is about transcending the part of you that is not okay and needs protection. This is done by constantly remembering that you are the one inside that notices the voice talking. That is the way out. The one inside who is aware that you are always talking to yourself about yourself is always silent. To be aware that you are watching the voice talk is to stand on the threshold of a fantastic inner journey.” – Michael A. Singer The Untethered Soul

Take care,
Lauren

I had brought a sage bundle and a piece of Palo Santo wood with me, and pulled it out of my bag as we were closing our session. I talked about the uses for both and expressed how she had spoken pretty negatively about herself throughout the session, but had ended on a positive note. I invited her to clear that negative energy with the sage and then invite positive energy and love for self with the palo santo. She grabbed it right out of my hand and stood up and started dancing around and bathing herself with the smoke! She said ‘clear that shit out!’ with the sage, and when I gave her the palo santo, I invited her to state something positive about herself. She said, ‘I am happy and I am beautiful!’ This was really cool to watch, especially since most of our session was filled with tears and had a lot of dark moments. She gave me a hug at the end of the session and said she felt so much better. I’m looking forward to our next session this coming Sunday and to hear what she has been observing and noticing about herself and her Parts.

[Lauren Lucek]

Summary for Gestalt:
Awareness, Awareness, Awareness!! This is the key to what I’m taking away from this toolbox. What I have noticed over the last month, is my awareness of myself. I’m aware of what I’m feeling (good or bad), and accepting either as a true and fair feeling. Sometimes it sends me down the rabbit hole of overanalyzing, to which I try to take a step back and focus on the ‘here and now’. It is definitely a challenge, but also has created a lot of growth for me as an individual and now, as a practicing coach. With that being said, my self-awareness has created more confidence as a coach, because I’m really focusing on my client’s body language and how they are saying things, before I start paying attention to WHAT they are saying. It’s really easy to get lost in the ‘stories’ that our clients are telling us, and generally they can be really fascinating in how they create rationale for their behaviors. Becoming more self-aware myself, has really helped me create opportunities for my client to be more self-aware. With these observations and focusing on deep listening skills, I believe that I have asked some really powerful questions. It’s amazing to see what comes from those questions, and to notice that ‘ah-ha’ moment in your client.
I’m really happy to have had the gestalt training. I learned a lot and I believe it will help me in the future growth of myself as Lauren, and also as a coach.

[Lauren Lucek]

Initial Gestalt Post:

This was my first official session with my practice client Nicole M. She initially came to me about two months ago when she heard that I was doing this training. She is a 32 year old single woman, mortgage broker, and moved to San Diego 9 months ago. Issues that she had said she wanted to work on were, identifying her self-worth at her job and finding a company that would pay her appropriately for her experience, dedication and sales. On a personal level, she struggles with finding a man that is looking for the same thing that she wants in a relationship: marriage, commitment, family, similar interests, respect. She is fairly new to the area and doesn’t have many, if any female friends because she says like-minded women are too hard to find and it’s easier to meet men (though dating apps), but then that usually results in a sexual relationship (where she feels immediately validated), but then fizzles out and makes her question ‘what is wrong with her’.
This first session was very impromptu, as she showed up at my house (planned), in tears. She had just spoken with her mother on the phone, and was told that her sister wanted to talk to her. Nicole and her sister have not spoken in a year. Specifics regarding the details behind that were not entirely clear, except that she has a very tumultuous relationship with her sister and they often fight over the phone, which results in them not talking for extended periods of time. This, however, was the longest they had gone without speaking. That evening was also the day before the anniversary of her father passing, 6 years earlier. So, this impromptu session started with a lot of emotion.
As we sat down to talk, I suggested this be our first coach/client session, to which she agreed. I focused on the gestalt therapy principles as we started and really tried to listen and become aware of what my client was feeling and expressing through her body language and how she was describing her feelings and thoughts through her words.
Nicole started with expressing how upset she was about the anniversary of her father’s death and how much she missed him. She was crying a lot, balled herself up in my chair (holding herself), and struggled to make eye contact with me. What I noticed about her was how uncomfortable she was in being emotional (she stated this), and as a coach, how this was a major trigger for me (as my father has passed as well). This made me think of Confluence as one of the Contact Boundary Disturbances, and how I needed to focus on her experience and remind myself that I was not having the experience. I stated that I was here for her and that I could relate to how she was feeling, which I felt continued to build the trust that she has in me her coach. She told a lot of stories about growing up with her father and how he was her favorite parent (her mother struggles with drug addiction). She also talked a lot about how she harnessed a lot of guilt around not being there for her father when he was dying (from cancer), because she couldn’t ‘sit around and watch him die. When he actually passed, she spoke of having to be the person in the family that had to take care of everything and make everyone around her feel better. This did not allow her to grieve herself. This made me think of gestalt’s idea of Introjection. When she spoke about what an amazing man her father was, she started hinting at how she wanted to meet a man and have a relationship with someone like her dad. I asked her if her dating on Tinder was bringing her any closer to finding someone like that, to which she started to cry more. (This is a topic I plan to dive deeper into in our next session, as she switched topics quickly after). I told her that I appreciated the back-stories of her father (as it was a way for me to understand some history and also how that history is effecting her current life). I suggested that we focus on the here and now and asked her about why she was upset about her sister. As a coach I felt that I needed to steer her in the direction of focusing on what was going on in the present moment. I wasn’t trying to dismiss or not validate all the feelings that she was having about her father, but instead tried to bring some focus to the session. I’m sure this topic will come up again.
As we segued to the topic of her sister, she expressed how upset she was that they weren’t talking and how scared she was to have a conversation with her, in fear of another fight and potentially another extended amount of time not talking to her. Nicole stated not being able to ever find common ground with her sister. He sister wants her to go to counseling about her father’s death. She also stated that her sister thinks she has low self-esteem because of the pictures she posts of herself on social media and the validation she needs. Nicole stated that she wants a normal relationship with her sister, as she is her only sibling, but that their relationship has not been serving her for several years. She also stated that she is not yet ready to give up. This made me think about Retroflection, and how Nicole is allowing this relationship to continue as is, because she somehow thinks she deserves it. I reminded her that she stated that ‘the relationship wasn’t serving her’, and ‘she wasn’t ready to give up yet’. I asked her if she ever used a journal to write down her feelings, and she said yes, but it was usually about men she was dating. I asked her what she wanted and needed from her sister, and suggested that she used her journal to write down these needs and wants, but to also write down what she wasn’t willing to deal with moving forward with her sister. She stated that she thought that would be a good exercise in preparation for contacting her sister, so that she could keep the conversation focused. We ended the session soon thereafter (as we had been talking for two hours). She stated feeling better about being able to talk about all of this in a safe environment and feeling validated about her feelings good and bad. I felt at this point we were moving toward Homeostasis, and she had a plan to move forward. I have a session set up with her this week. I plan to ask her how the journaling went and if she has called her sister.

[Lauren Lucek]

Foundation 4 Kick off Question:

When I think about coaching/guiding others, I think about working with women. Specifically executive women and mothers, struggling with self-identity, sense of self, and who want to overcome adversity, assumptions and expectations of women in the workplace and at home. At my current place of work, I am surrounded by executive women that are killing it at work, but really struggle in their personal lives. Through conversations that I have had with several women there, they express how proud they are of themselves in where they are in their careers, but have given up a lot to get there. Many of these women are still single because they don’t have time to date, can’t meet men that live up to their expectations, or constantly meet men that are intimidated by them. In my personal life, I have a lot of friends that are mothers. Many of them have left their careers or changed careers to accommodate their life as a parent. It’s not they are unhappy being a mother, but I hear so many stories like, ‘if I hadn’t had my baby, I would be doing this or that with my career.’ It’s really interesting to have such vast differences with women in my life, but it has also peaked my interest in working with them as a coach.
Common categories of goals of my ideal clients would be: Embrace their strengths, purpose and value. Love what they are doing in their life. Increase self-expression and self-worth. Use grounding and breathing techniques. Improving communication.
Ideally, when I think about working with these women, I think about taking a broad holistic approach. My main goal is to empower these women to love the life they are living, whether that is continuing on their career path and/or having another child, as long as they feel confident and content in their decisions. I want to coach, guide, inspire and empower women to embrace their strengths, purpose and value, to live passionate lives doing what they love, while standing strong with a better sense of self and confidence.
In the big picture, I want to start a company that is all about women empowering women. (I already bought the domain: Women Empowering Women Alliance). My idea is to gather other women that I know are excellent in their field and have the same ideas and goals as I do. I mentioned a broad, holistic approach in my last paragraph, because women (and all people), have a wealth of things that they struggle with and want to work on. I also know that I do not have all the answers, knowledge and training to work with every client. When I reflect back to one of the webinars and through reading the Coaching Skills book, I am reminded of ethical boundaries and when it may be necessary to refer clients out. For example, I may have a client that recently had a baby and is struggling with feeling comfortable and confident in their body. I’m not a health or wellness coach, but I know an excellent one. So, as I continue my coaching, I refer my client out to the wellness coach to perhaps create a new meal plan/exercise routine that works for her body and new time constraints. In this moment, I am EMPOWERING my female client and also EMPOWERING my wellness coach friend, also a woman, by referring her a new client to continue to grow her business. Or for example, I have an executive client that is struggling with stress at work, and this is starting to manifest health issues. She may not be an advocate of pharmaceuticals and wants a more holistic approach. I know an amazing Herbalist that can work with my client to create herbal teas and tinctures that will help with her stress and related health issues. Working with an Herbalist as part of the coaching process is a great way to connect with Nature as well. I have a bunch of examples similar to this, but for this exercise, I will keep it brief.
Things that I would like to do with my clients, and also with professional women working under the umbrella of WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN ALLIANCE is: Nature connected coaching, client-specific programs, and retreats.
• 1-1 coaching
• Small group outings in nature with a specific theme, i.e.:
What kind of leader are you?
What is your communication style and how is that an advantage/disadvantage?
Finding your strengths.
Facing your fears.
• Holistic all-women retreats (Quarterly)
Healthy Eating and Body Image
Yoga, Meditation, Grounding/Breathing Techniques
Outdoor Challenges/Team Building/Leadership
Communication/Self-Expression/Self-Worth
Herbal Alchemy, Education and Energy Healing

Traditional therapy doesn’t work for many people. It’s too sterile. People often want a quick fix to their problems or limitations without taking ownership for their actions, behaviors and decisions. The real work starts with you. Immersion in nature connects you to something bigger than yourself. You are able to develop a deeper understanding of how you relate to others, yourself and your life, by reflecting on symbols and metaphors through nature connection. You challenge perceived notions of self and others, to develop awareness of your own strengths by using the environment. You are given the ability to process your new understanding through sharing thoughts and experiences in a relaxed, safe, supportive, constructive and respectful environment.
I researched some companies online that were working with women specifically. As far as with working with executive women specifically, I didn’t find much that wasn’t directly related to getting ahead professionally, and that is not the population I’m trying to work with. I did find a company, http://www.namasteworksyoga.com, that talked a lot about how nature plays a huge role in our life and how connecting with the natural rhythms of nature can calm us all down and ground us, finding solace in our crazy lives. This company specifically uses Yoga as their tool for coaching, and I believe yoga is an excellent practice for calming the mind and many other things, which is why I would want that to be a retreat focus in my business. I also found another company called Women’s Empowerment Workshop. They work exclusively with women and girls, and their mission statement is as follows: …programs empower women and girls to nourish mind, body and spirit by connecting to the natural world in a profoundly enriching, compelling, and transformational way. By reconnecting in a receptive way to the gifts of nature, women and girls discover and build their feminine power, confidence and purpose. They also run 3-6 day camps with girls where they can be immersed in nature, discover, connect, build confidence and find their authentic voice. I think that is so cool! I struggled for a bit deciding what population I wanted to work with because so much of my past experience has been with youth, but for financial reasons and what we do as coaches, I picked adults. However, I really love what this company is doing for young girls and feel that those kinds of experiences are very important in creating and supporting strong young women. Finally, I found a business that worked with mothers called Flourishingmothers.com/au . These coaches seem to be doing a great job working with women that are struggling at the crossroads of becoming a parent and working and/or leaving their job, and loving their life without compromising everything. This company does not do nature-connected coaching. So, all in all, there are some good programs out there, but I feel like I have found a special little niche in my approach and specific client needs. I’m excited!

[Lauren Lucek]

Where does Ecopsychology and Coaching come together? How does this blend add foundation to your interests as a Nature-Connected Coach? How might it fall short? What skills are needed?

I will start with agreeing with Wendy, that this was a lot of reading to do prior to an initial response! However, I was really curious about Ecopsychology, as I keep seeing books I want to read that are written by Ecotherapists. That being said, I feel like I learned a lot and have a better understanding of what this approach entails. I couldn’t help but think of you Amanda, as your love for the environment and connection to the Earth seems so strong!
One of the first quotes that stood out to me was by Theodore Roszak when he said; ‘We are living in a time when both the Earth and the human species seem to be crying out for a radical readjustment in the scale of our political thought.’ Which also brought me back to the Starhouse when Michael said, ‘What better time than now, to become a Nature Connected Coach?!’ This world is in such turmoil on an environmental, political and social level, that now IS the time to begin bringing people back to their deep connection to the earth. Another quote that made me think of this was from the 1990 Harvard Conference: Psychology as if the Whole Earth Mattered; ‘if the self is expanded to include the natural world, behavior leading to destruction of this world will be experienced as self-destruction.’ That was something to ponder for a minute, and would be a really interesting icebreaker at a dinner party with people you didn’t know!
I really enjoyed John Scull’s article Ecopsychology: Where does it fit in psychology? I like his statement about Ecopsychology’s goal being to discover how people can connect with the natural world in ways that are healthy and sustainable for both the people and the planet. I agree with this and see this as an important piece to my work as a coach. To me, the environment and Mother Nature (or Gaia, if you will), is an important part my life, and my experiences in it have been transformative. I want my clients to understand this and experience it for themselves. I resonated with Mary Gomes quote (1998), when she wrote that ‘ecopsychology…seeks to understand and heal our relationship with the Earth. It examines the psychological processes that bond us to the natural world or that alienate us from it.’ It is very apparent to me that many people in our human species, over thousands of years, have moved away from their connection and even dependency on the earth. People have lost their emotional bond with the earth, and with this disconnect have been destroying the environment and losing their sense of self. In T. Roszak’s Epilogue: Ecopsychology- The Principles, he writes, ‘If ecopsychology has anything to add to the Socratic-Freudian project of self-knowledge, it is to remind us that there is more self to know.’ We are and always have been a part of this Earth. ‘It has created from Nothing the Everything that includes us.’
Something else that really stood out for me from the readings was the use of experiential learning/education as a focus of Ecopsychologists. In my past I have been involved with experiential learning as a student and as a teacher. What happens in these experiences are exciting, challenging and can be life-changing! John Scull writes, ‘Experiential learning aimed at helping people form a spiritual and emotional connection to the Earth. Wilderness experiences create non-verbal experiences that are therapeutic.’ There is nothing quite like being caught in a lighting drill for an hour on the banks of alligator filled rivers in Florida with a bunch of teenage boys, who presented a big front, only to be reduced to crying in their rain gear, because the power of Nature instilled the fear of God in them. Or watching young girls choose the horse they want to work with during Equine Therapy sessions, and seeing how much the horse reflects the outward personality of the child. Maybe it’s the joy you see when a kid creates sparks or ‘busts a coal’ when bow drilling a fire, because they spent time picking the perfect wood for spindles or Nature providing them with the perfectly curved branch to make a bow with.
These are the moments where the environment and nature have shown me beautiful experiences. The growth that comes out of these experiences is how I see ecopsychology playing a major part in my work as a coach. The only way I see this falling short for me is if my client is incredibly resistant and can’t see their connection to the Earth. But then again, maybe I won’t choose to work with them.

[Lauren Lucek]

SUMMARY POST:
Throughout our face-to-face intensive, and the last few weeks of readings, the webinar and responses from my cohort, my understanding and belief in Nature-connection has become clearer. I have been able to explore my connection with nature and begin to define it. Practicing Nature-Awareness, both in Colorado and at home, has taught me to trust in nature, perhaps more than I did before. Working on my sensory awareness, wide-angle vision, and attuning to the environment around me and staying in the present moment, was a challenge, but has really helped. Spending time in my Sit Spot and going through my Sacred Questions brought a higher level of awareness of what was really going on in my head. I feel safe knowing that everything we need to know is out there and the answers are already there, we just need to trust the process.
Core Routines, which the authors of Coyote’s Guide write about, have really helped me connect with nature on a different level. The standout routines for me have been establishing a Sit Spot, the Wander, and using my Vision Council to help guide me. It was interesting for me to reflect on my connection to nature as a child, and realize that I did in fact have a sit spot for several years; my ‘house’ in the woods. How exciting and privileged I feel! I believe with consistent practice of these routines, it will help me in my coaching presence as well as help my client to start tuning into a deeper connection with themself.
For those of us involved with EBI, the feelings that we have in Nature and our connection to it, seems obvious. This is how we got here right? I feel like the challenge of finding clients to work with, will be in finding open and like-minded individuals. So many people are wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of their life, social media and screens, and following a path that isn’t necessarily what they may choose in order to live a happy healthy life because of outside pressure and expectations. As stated in Chapter 2 of the Coyote’s Guide, ‘we need to turn back and reconnect with our natural roots, in order to recover and restore. And that means shifting our routines.’ For me, the important piece is establishing my own new routines, practicing them and then noting the changes that happen. So much has changed for me in the last month, it’s hard to wrap my mind around it. But it’s also incredibly exciting! Again, trusting in nature and that the answers are out there, opens the door to so much growth and understanding. Establishing this connection and being able to speak about it in a way that creates excitement and the belief in the possibility of change (if you are willing to put in the work) will be my hook to start pulling in clients. I’m super excited to continue this journey!

[Lauren Lucek]

Amanda,
I love your passion and love for the Earth! It pours out of you constantly. I really liked your citing of Roszak in your post. It makes a lot of sense that you would choose that quote based on your beliefs and the struggles that you have with people around you not necessarily sharing the same beliefs or being seemingly uneducated. I feel like you hold these beliefs close to your heart, and I think that you should keep this in the forefront of your coaching. You may be surprised with how many people you can connect with and/or shift their perspective/beliefs so that we continue to be able to live on this Earth.

[Lauren Lucek]

Kaity,
I really loved how you were able to help Mandy identify her different parts of the adolescent Mandy, and her future/wise woman Mandy. Very interesting observation of the language she used when talking about these parts! The exercise you did with her to change her language was excellent. It seemed to really help her identify what was holding her back. Great job! I think discussing the idea/concept of Parts work makes a lot of sense to clients because it is common language when people talk about themselves. “A part of me feels like…A part of me wants to do this or that, but…” Through the intensive and learning about these different parts and being able to identify them, it helped me to understand why I do/think some of the things that I do. But it’s easy to use them as excuses as well. The key is getting your client to identify these parts, and then take ownership for their ‘behavior’. The ability to make changes then becomes a bit easier (at least in my experience). Keep up the good work and keep exploring how to incorporate Parts work into your practice!

[Lauren Lucek]

Response to Wendy:
Wendy, I can see how posting about gestalt without having a client can be challenging, but you made several great observations from our time in Colorado with Derek and your session with Katie.
I loved how you brought up the observance of the use of Nature (pinecone) and how it brought focus, grounding and yourself into the ‘here and now’. I need to use this technique, especially when I feel like my client is all over the place! You seemed to have done a great job with observing yourself, and noticing your ‘aboutism’ and use of humor in recounting your bear experience. You also stated that you noticed how you overcome obstacles in life by avoidance and ‘getting on with your life’. Even if you haven’t landed a client yet, you are doing some really great work observing yourself. You notice your body language and what you are verbalizing very well, and this is really going to help you as a coach.
In stating what your ‘challenge’ was with Katie, you said you were missing key issues in her language and the constant statement of ‘I don’t know’. You said you felt like you added to her anxiety. That is a valid feeling and one that I think as coaches, we teeter on the razors edge with constantly. But don’t be so hard on yourself. Remember, we are learning Wendy, and we do not have all the answers. Keep focusing on body language and verbal cues instead of going directly to fixer mode (which is what we innately want to do, lol). With practice, we find success.
It sounds like the take away from that session was that it was a learning experience, and you learned a lot! Even remembering what Michael said and the ‘power of partnership’ with your client and not feeling like we need to be everything to our client, is a huge piece to take away. I also feel like you made a great connection with the likeness of ‘threshold’ and gestalt’s ‘experiment’, helping to create homeostasis, building client awareness and trust with your client.
I’m excited to hear about how your session goes when you do get a client. You have the tools, and that confidence in yourself is in there, let it shine!

[Lauren Lucek]

Hi Ivy! Thanks for your feedback. I am curious how the journaling for her is going. I ran into her the other day and mentioned it in passing, and she said putting all the things down into words was a little scary. This makes sense to me. I think when you start to realize how much control you have over your circumstances and future, and start to own your behaviors, you can’t really blame others or the past for the direction your life is going. Maybe that sounds a bit blunt, but if you WANT something in your life to be different or change, you can’t continue the same patterns that aren’t working for you and wonder why nothing is changing.
My next session with her is on Sunday. In this session, I want to invite her to really start thinking and talking about what she wants in her life, and hopefully move closer to her deeper need. I think the journal will be an excellent tool for Nicole, as her peer circle is not one where she discusses her feelings. Hopefully this is a good outlet for her.

[Lauren Lucek]

Hey Wendy! Thanks for your kind words. 🙂 I thought about the how much time we were talking, and I think moving forward, I will try to get this down to 1 hour. However, in the moment, there was a lot that I didn’t know about her history, and even though a lot of it was ‘story’, it was helpful to get an understanding of what was going on for her and gave me some glimpse of ‘parts work’ that I will be doing in the future. It was definitely a challenge to get her back on track, but mostly I think it was because she was so sad and really needed to release a bit. I look forward to meeting with her weekly and keep this work going!

[Lauren Lucek]

Wendy: Interesting insights to the readings! I too felt that through all the papers, there were several definitions of ecopsychology, with many approaches, and yet almost this sense of ‘hoping’ that people would get on board, instead of defining it as an actual practice. Ecopsychology makes complete sense to me, but until it becomes something that is commonly talked about and practiced, I believe we will keep reading ‘papers’ by people that understand our connection to the earth and want others to see the light. Proud of you for getting through all the readings!

[Lauren Lucek]

Wendy, sista from another mister! 🙂 I feel like we have a lot in common with our childhoods, and how we connect to Nature in a way that grounds us and allows us to be vulnerable and not worry about how we express ourselves when we are there. How we want to work with our clients is coming from a very authentic place, and our past experiences will shine through. With some major moves in your near future, how do you feel like you will implement this in your coaching practices based on where you will be living? Sending love and good vibes with your decision making!

[Lauren Lucek]

Amanda, I loved what you had to say in your response. It reminds me our chats to and from the Star House and how your love for the environment is a stand out trait of yours. By placing people in Nature and separating them from the social norms of their daily grind, you can really get some good work done! Keep up the good work!