Lauren Lucek
Forum Replies Created
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Summary Post:
It’s interesting to go back to this section of Brain 1 and reflect on how learning about the ability to create new neuropathways can be so incredibly helpful! At times it almost seems like it can create hope in myself and my clients that there is an ability to change. All it takes is some new tools and ways of thinking. For me personally, I have been working with Ivy and noticing some ways of thinking that are not serving me, ie: i can fix everything and i’m responsible for everything and everyone around me. Wow…that’s overwhelming! For me, this creates a lot of frustration and resentment, and that’s not how I want to function. I have been practicing figuring out ways to find time and space to be creative and healthy, getting into my flow, and being clear about what I want and then looking to the future to make that happen. It is definitely difficult, but the more I practice it, visualize doing it, setting boundaries and then making it happen, it works! And it feels really good. It’s so exciting that I am able to re-train my brain in a way that I can get myself out a particular way of thinking (and assuming it’s how my life is supposed to be), to functioning in a different way. A way that brings me joy and fulfillment! This is experience is one that I will take with me in my ‘toolbox’ to use with clients. -
Initial Post:
I worked with a client for one session, that was a practice client from EBI. At first I would have said that maybe I did something wrong and that’s why she didn’t want another session. However, upon reflection and experiencing this Intensive, I’m aware that she just wasn’t ready.
She definitely had a lot going on in her life, and because I had never met her before, I spent a good chunk of our session listening to her ‘story’. She was starting her own Coaching and retreat/guiding business, she had a contract to write a book, she was looking to start at EBI, she was overwhelmed, depressed, blocked/stuck, frustrated and avoidant (her own words). She described being ‘stuck with the responsibilities of someone she was 10 years ago’ and who she wanted to be now. A major shift happened 5 years ago when she went through a divorce. She all of a sudden became ‘anxious and depressed’.
I tried really hard to not get sucked into her story and listen for her goal/want/need. I remember talking about Words, Feelings and Themes, and how we should focus on words in relation to what the feeling they are not trying to have. What really stood out for me with this client, is that it was nearly impossible for her to say one good thing about herself or if any thing made her feel (good, happy, passionate). We spent a lot of time trying to chunk down some of her responsibilities so that she could experience small successes. I asked her what it would feel like for her to meet some small goals for herself and even what she may need to get her there. It was a real struggle with this client. I actually got off the phone wondering what I had just spent the hour doing, besides exhausting myself.
My question to you guys is, how do you navigate working with a client like that. (Not that she gave me the opportunity to do so). -
Initial Post:
I continue to work with a client from San Diego that is pretty challenging, Nikki. She is the type of client that wants to unload all of her problems on you, but doesn’t want to make many changes for herself, because it is much easier to blame other people for her problems and issues. Even hearing about her dieting is confusing to me. One day she is on a Keto diet and the next week Vegan, and telling people they are killing the Earth for eating meat. WTF? One thing that has been a constant frustration for her is your job/career. She is a Mortgage lender and in her opinion, she doesn’t make enough money and everyone she works with is awful and San Diego is too competitive and filled with unqualified people. I was really interested in the Brain 1 section of this intensive, because not only did it help me personally, but gave me some new ideas and education for ways to work with my clients.
Something that stood out for me from the reading was from Prochaska’s Changing For Good. I actually sent this PDF to Nikki and guided her to a few paragraphs that were relevant to her. We have talked at length about what it would look like if she took control of making positive changes for herself and her career. Part of her feels like she doesn’t have any control and another part of her is scared to act/change. I highlighted the section in the PDF entitled Commitment. ‘Once you choose to change, you accept responsibility for changing. This responsibility is the burden of commitment, sometimes called self-liberation.’ It is the acknowledgment that you are the only one who is able to respond, speak and act for yourself. I would like to think that some of that hit home, as she eventually hit a breaking point at her job and accepted another job, that actually has a very high earning potential. By making the decision to make a change, it opened up some doors for her that is getting her what she wanted. At least in some aspects of her life.
In some of our later sessions, I focused a lot on reflecting back to her what she was saying when she went off on her long tangents of ‘story’. I had her write down what she was hearing me reflect back, and then look over it and tell me if I was accurately reflecting back what she said. Interestingly, she was surprised that ‘she had said all that’. She said ‘I must be really annoying to listen to.’ (Inside i chuckled a bit). We talked about Awareness and what she is putting out into the Universe, how that makes her feel, what others see in her and what she wants people to see in her (sometimes very different things).
It is definitely going to be a long road with this client. But even though my sessions can be challenging, I do feel that she takes a little something away each time. -
Summary Post:
Wendy, you make a really good point when you say it was hard to imagine how such a structured process could work. I think that is what I found so intimidating with the whole threshold process. I was so confused as to how I was going to get my client to that point. Later I finally realized that I wasn’t the one GETTING my client to that point. It was them. And, when I didn’t overanalyze the whole process, was when my client seemed to have the best experiences in threshold. I also realized that no two thresholds are ever the same, and with the guidance of nature, it can be so beautiful to watch. -
Response: Amanda, great personal reflection in your initial post! I didn’t see you after our initial intensive until December, and some of the things you talk about in your post I noticed. But most importantly, once you trusted yourself and let go, you eased in and rocked the sessions out! After going through this whole year, I started to realize that not every client is the same, we may miss some pieces along the way, but if we relax a bit and take in what we are hearing, as opposed to listening to every work verbatim, we do a lot better at asking those powerful questions and connecting with our clients. There isn’t a ‘right way’ to do anything. It’s this dance that we have with our clients and hopefully we don’t step on each other’s toes too much. š As long as we are being professional and sharing our gifts, we are doing our job. Keep it up!
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Response:
Wendy, a few things that you said really stood out: One being that you ‘started somewhere and ended somewhere very different’ in your experience of threshold. It is interesting how much a session can shift from what your client first presents, to what comes out when they get to the meat of what’s going on for them. That being said, you starting with ‘living an inauthentic life’ and being upset that you weren’t given/or giving your self permission to live how you want without disappointing others, is what came up through severance and your eventual threshold…my how life has changed! š I appreciated your comments of the core competencies being a ‘work in progress. I agree. It’s spending time practicing and honing our skills, because we do have them. Finally, your comment of ‘Iām not there to provide the answer but to guide the client to actions for which they are responsible and over which they have a sense of ownership.’ I am totally on board with. You and I are fixers, but this is definitely a quote for us to keep in the back of our minds. -
Initial Post:
I still remember my ‘threshold’ experience as a client with Wendy guiding, mostly because it was a catalyst to how my relationship with my mother changed. Which, is a pretty big deal. Prior to coming to our first intensive, I was pretty shut-off from expressing my feelings, and then Pandora’s box opened, and so did I!
The focus of our session was to work through a way to express to my mom how I have felt in the past, and without placing blame, making her see my point of view. Huge challenge! I was brought to my deeper need and severance built and then we decided to go up the path towards the parking lot, to that swinging bench and statue. It seemed like a great place, because I didn’t need to face my coach, and she suggested that I speak directly to the statue (fittingly a woman). It was emotional, heart-felt, and really came from my core. This was skillfully guided by my coach, and yet, now I understand how important the word ‘guide’ is. Because your client really does that work (hopefully), you as a coach, are guiding them to these big realizations. In my case, it was feeling safe to even have that conversation. Fast forward about a month, and I did have a very good conversation with my mom when she was visiting me. I felt like I could express my feelings in a way that was forward, focused and yet not abrasive or mean (my fear). My mom responded incredibly well.
As a coach, I feel that it’s important to focus on powerful questions, deep and active listening and establishing trust and intimacy with my client. -
Summary:
The Foundations Module set the tone for understanding what our connections to Nature look like, what our ideas are for the population of clients we want to work with, and to begin brainstorming about our potential businesses. There was a lot of reading and information to process, but I believe that the readings will be great resources in the future.
I’m excited to continue my work as a coach and add new awareness, exercises and understanding as i attend future intensives. -
Wendy,
I love your ideas of the population you want to work with, and way to challenge yourself with focusing on picking clients that you know have experienced a ‘life altering event’ from the start! I think the work we did at the intensive in December around Brain and Trauma will serve you and really help you work with your specific client population. When you say ‘life altering event’, I immediately think of some time of trauma (or traumatic), some perhaps on a larger scale than others. We learned some excellent grounding techniques to work with your clients, and the reading and what I learned at the intensive around how the Brain functions. In order for change to occur in someones life, their brain must change. When you become aware of what is going on in your brain, you begin to control how it processes. I find this to be important to understand, and for your client as well.
I thought your ‘ways to collaborate with nature’ were awesome! I may ‘borrow’ some of these š
Keep up the good work! -
Summary:
Ecopsychology and nature connected coaching go hand in hand. The world is a beautiful place and how it functions, grows, changes, dies, is all part of life. We are one with the Earth and function in similar ways. Being able to observe these phases is important as a human living on this planet, but we can use these observations to connect with nature and our clients. Not everyone will be on the same page as those of us that are nature lovers and involved in this program, but I truly believe that ecopsychology and nature connection makes our lives richer. To me, the two together make sense in the most beautiful way. But then again, I suppose that’s why I started this course! -
Wendy:
It’s very interesting to relive that intensive through your words! As I read your post, I literally could physically feel in my body, how I felt during that week. I had some serious fear, stress and self-doubt going on, and it’s crazy how different I feel now. And I must say, as my coach, you really helped me get to a place where I felt like I could take the leap of faith. Some things that really hit home for me from your coaching and our focus on partswork, were your ability to really pull those different parts to the surface, to address them individually and respectfully, to come up with a plan, and to follow through with me as your client.
I remember the night before I gave my notice, and I had gone over my ‘speech’ to myself several times. I called you that night to tell you I was resigning the next day, and you reminded me to set boundaries, not assume any particular reaction, and remind myself that, ‘any decision i make with my heart is the right one.’
As we all know, the conversation with my boss was the total opposite of what I thought was going to happen (and I had consumed myself with that for months), she cried, but congratulated me, and now we are friends. Life is funny how your environment reacts to authenticity and positive decisions. š
I think Partswork is a really easy way to work with clients and a great way to relate to your client on several levels. I believe if the coach can embrace Partswork and it’s potential, then the client buys into it, and the session can have a great flow working in and out of that. I remember the first time I experienced Partswork with Michael and I thought it made sense, but that theory and coaching, require a certain sense of open-mindedness, that could result in a total train wreck. I was so resistant to it, but maybe I just felt totally uncomfortable with how real things were getting. Wendy, when you said, ‘I believe that once you are able to say the words, something inside shifts and hopefully gives that person the confidence to believe that, at the minimum, a conversation/change might be possible’. That is what you gave me, and I really appreciate it! -
Kent – what an amazing breakthrough for your client!! I loved how she was able to see the benefit of your coaching and guidance, but also her connection to Nature and her sit spot and perfect Mantra. How exciting for you as a coach! And it sounded like you were really listening to her and guiding her with your powerful questions. Great job! I also resonated with the section of your summary post where you reflected on the movie The Secret. With our new understanding of how the brain works, you are right when you point out that it’s not the universe giving us what we want, it’s us deciding what we want, putting it out there, and then keeping our eyes peeled for the signs.
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Amanda, this was definitely an intense Intensive! I notice that you used your ‘Darkness’ as almost a descriptive Part of you, in your initial post. I don’t recall you using that description when we were there. Have you explored this further? And for the record, your Darkness is still a beautiful part of you. I am glad that through that week you were able to become more aware of this part of you and start to deal with it. You came a long way that week, from how you showed up on Monday to how you left on Friday. Great job being open and vulnerable!
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Oh Wow Elizabeth! So many awesome things happening in that session! First, I love how you grounded her upon arrival and set the tone for the session (something I watched you do with Amanda in April). I also found her pulling the oracle card before she came to be very significant. Is that something you had her do or she did on her own? I also liked how you brought it full circle at the end of the session by reminding her of the card, and then noticed how she would use it as her integration moving forward. Some really cool Nature connection! I’m on the same page as you as far as not recognizing ‘grief’ in other ways besides death, prior to that intensive. It was really helpful, and understanding that we experience grief in so many different ways and so often, is somewhat overwhelming, but our new awareness of it will be so helpful to many of our clients. Your use of sacred questions and more than likely POWERFUL questions, opened up a doorway to many feelings and a sense of awareness that perhaps she had packed away for several years! You appeared to do a great job of holding space for her, recognizing the grief and loss of PARTS of herself, and slowing things down for your client by allowing her to focus on all these things that are blockages for her. Awesome Elizabeth!
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Hey Amanda! Even though you said this wasn’t an established coaching session, you brought this conversation with your friend up for a good reason. First off, you tapped into your awareness of how your client was feeling by noticing her body language and you asked her to notice it, and describe it. Even when she laughed at your question and was visibly uncomfortable, you stood your ground and asked her again. Great job! Your client/friend stated that she ‘wanted her dad to be a father figure’. This is tricky, because she has no control over what he decides to do or how he decides to be. However, you tapped into noticing that she doesn’t grieve for the absence of her father because she is always trying to be strong. Now how can you get HER to notice that and allow herself to ‘surrender’? I think you on the right track with holding space for her and allowing her to feel all the feelings and emotions that may come up for her. From my personal experience, it’s having that safe supportive space to really start breaking down some walls. Great job! What’s next?