[Kim Gilchrist]

Initial Post –
My parts work coaching session didn’t start as a coaching session. I was talking with a friend, as a friend, when he started talking to me about coming to grips on where he is with his career. He has made a decision to stay at his current high level executive position but was having a hard time coming to accept this. It became a natural segue to talk about the parts within him that got to this decision and what parts were stopping his full acceptance. I asked him if he’d like to do a coaching session on this and there we went.

What worked really well with this session is that the parts work felt like a clear cut path to follow vs. feeling forced.

One of the biggest challenges I faced when doing this with him was having to step back and explain parts work which interrupted the flow of our conversation. It made me want to come up with an assignment before doing the coaching session(s) of having my clients identify their parts. Basically a simplified version of the work we did. Maybe even a worksheet to follow through this. Especially so with clients like this person who are curious about the process as well as the actual guiding through the issues.

Once we got through this, I found with this client that he kept wanting to stay in the story. Every time as we moved into the deeper need behind this, he’d jump back into the story. I also observed that he was staying between Contact and Satisfaction in the Cycle of Experience. And while he acknowledged that different parts of him that are driving his unease, I’m not sure that he completely bought into the idea of reconciling these parts with the soul. It made me realize I need to learn more on how to guide really bringing these together to tie it back in with the soul.

I’m finding that it’s hard to stay with just one tool in the toolbox. There is a blurred line with what we know how to do to this point as coaches and then practice just one part of it. But then we are all about being connected so it makes sense that everything we have to work with and do is all connected. Admittedly I’m only partway through the readings at this time and am more relying on what we learned at the intensive to figure my way through this!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Summary Post
Echoing what everyone is saying – Gestalt is about awareness. Awareness of our selves and awareness of our client in the now. Actively listening and actively contributing while staying focused on the verbal and non verbal cues. There is a lot going on!

One of my biggest learnings is to stay in the present and not over-anticipate what experiment(s) to do with the client. In the few times I’ve tried this I found myself drifting in to ‘what am I going to do?’ mode. And then if I do this, ‘what will I do next?’ In that way, I was getting away from the curiosity/creativity for the client and more trying to check the box of I’m supposed to do this.

It is really driving home for me the need to practice, practice, practice. Not just Gestalt but everything we are doing. And for me, I need to get away from what I think a session should go like and let it flow. Trusting that by holding the space needed for my client will allow what is supposed to happen will happen.

[Kim Gilchrist]

My practice client is a friend of mine and I’m quite familiar with her and the story she’s been in that she wanted to address. That was a pro in that we didn’t need to spend too much time on the story side. Although, she did very much want to spell it out again in the context of what she wanted to address so I held that space for her to let her talk through it with the gentle reminder of what her goal was/is. But it was also a bit of con for me as a guide as I had to backup and separate myself out of what I already know and how I want to help my friend.

We talked through our session while we were out on the water – her on her kayak, me on my paddle board. She has let me know many times that she is most relaxed and feels freest when she’s out on the water. This gal is very reserved, concerned about being ‘judged’ and very analytical so for her to be open to coaching, I thought this would be a great place to be.

What most came to mind as we were talking through her session was she is stuck in the cycle of experience between mobilization and action. As we kept creeping up to the difference between the thoughts of moving past the identified issue and creating another action than going back into the loop, she would start re-analyzing and going back to the story. It was easier for her to deflect back into the logic of how ‘it should be’ versus allowing the feelings to come through to move past this.

Her issue has to do with being secure that she has the power to make her own decisions vs. letting circumstance making her stay in the same place. So we tried an experiment where I had her paddle through several coves without a plan, just wherever the whim took her. I encouraged her to not follow a set pattern. And I followed along. When she asked where we were going, I just held the silence to let her decide. There were some very tense moments and fear that came out as anger at first, but after a while there was also the joy of just going along. I let her take it further by being the decider of what way we went back to shore and I could tell that was a confidence builder. She never did let go enough though to express a deeper need but I noticed she was more comfortable when we were packing up.

We are meeting again soon as she wasn’t ready to take any steps on this on her own. It will be interesting to see how she feels now that there’s been some time to digest the feelings that came up.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Reflecting back on what we’ve learned in this module, I agree with Melody that it’s been about learning who we want our ideal client(s) to be and hows, whats and whens of what this may look like. It required all of us to look, and look again, and go deep into what our visions are for our coaching and/or programs will be. Then start to incorporate this vision into the journey we are continuing to make through this learning. As Michael told us in the latest video call, it is about the journey but also keeping sight of the end.

The readings in this module, specifically the Coyote reading, really gave me a foundation of how I see the structure of my programs unfolding. This is exciting as I start to take the idea of my vision and sit with it, grow with it and flush it out.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Such amazing reflections from all of you! Wow!

For me, the learnings here really stood out in the Flow of Learning. Designing the Flow and then orienting to the natural needs of the group – scaling up and scaling down as needed. Which is all about understanding each experience and each client’s session will be unique as Melody stated. And as Sheri put it flow learning reminds us to recognize that we are part of something larger. Expanding and embracing feels like my mantra after this module.

And even though it is obvious Rogers states that “…clients bring a whole range of issues to coaching…” It is a good reminder. And we will bring a whole range of issues with us to coaching so it is so important that we do hold that space for them to become more self-aware and learn. We can only be there as their guide, not their solver or their rescuer. I keep telling myself this as it was brought up in the Rogers book in an earlier module. I know I want to be a rescuer, a solver, a superhero but that’s not what we as coaches are. We are guiders. And the Rogers book gives us these great tools to work with from a more practical standpoint whereas the Coyote book addresses it from more of an inspirational and, sometimes, playful view. All in ways that are applicable to what we will be doing.

[Kim Gilchrist]

This is a really difficult question for me to answer – who am I going to coach/guide. I’ve been having a real struggle with this as I’m not seeing myself as a coach the more we move through the program. That said, what we are learning is very important for me in order to become what I’m becoming. And the like-minded folks in this program are a wonderful family to be part of that is just as important to me to become what I am becoming. I just don’t have a clear vision of what that is yet.

For me, the idea that is starting to spark would be working from a more physical side of things. Using the skills we are learning to guide people through their challenges while embracing nature sports defined as “… those sports in which a particular natural feature, or combination of natural features, plays at least one of the primary roles that human competitors or partners play in traditional or standard sports.” (Krein, K. ‘Nature Sports’, Journal of the Philosophy of Sport v.41, 2014). I see using these physical accomplishments in conjunction with the ritual and skills we’re mastering (or will master) to bring about the realizations/changes/needs in their lives. These don’t have to be major sports feats – it could be as simple hitting that 2 ft drop on the mountain bike trail to taking a night paddle on a full moon to something more. In this way I’m being a guide that is a combination of coaching and teaching.

The Natural Cycle of Learning from the Coyote Book really has me attention of all the things we’ve read so far. I keep going back to it and referring to the visual on page 211. The natural flow of learning tied into the directions of the earth gives me a tremendous sense of grounding. I see using this as an essential tool for developing programs with my clients – scaling it up and/or scaling it down as needed. And, then taking the 50/50 adaptation principle into effect so that going with the natural flow is really ‘going with the flow.’ There is growth and movement throughout as you adapt to where and what your clients need. This fluidity and naturalness feels more in tune with where I see my coaching/teaching business potentially going. Within all of this, there are so many tools we are learning that drop in naturally as well – from the 360 degree view to understanding your critical space to surrender breath and so on.

I’ll be honest, since I’m still figuring this out. I don’t really even know how to look for similar organizations to compare/critique against. And, I’m not sure this is even the right direction yet. It wasn’t until I started typing this out did the idea start to really take on shape. I just keep going back to the joy I feel when I’m moving outdoors. And I want to bring that to others. And the ease I use that movement in the outdoors to work through my own issues. I really want to bring that to others.

My office mate and I were swapping stories today and she brought up that this weekend she finally mastered a simple yoga pose. Her face lit up and her whole body language changed. You could see the sense of accomplishment and ‘heck ya’ in her demeanor. After we talked she was humming and getting to her work in a much more positive way. It brought me back to the flow – Northwest tor refelection and North to Integrate her new found power in doing this. It also brought me back to the other learning that has stayed with me from the Coyote book, storytelling (chapter 6). We were sharing Level 2 stories which is how the subject came up. All in a natural way.

I really see something here…

[Kim Gilchrist]

Thank you for all your wonderful thoughts and feedback. Reading through your insights and own experiences is so helpful!
Nadine – thanks for sharing on the struggle. And how you got through it by stepping back and re-looking it where you are going is a brilliant way of approaching this. And hard too!
Sheri – sending my words back and your thoughts on sharing this back really made me stop and listen, thank you!
Matt & Melody – Just thanks for sharing your experiences. Matt – yes, the ritual within sports (specifically nature sports) is so compelling to me. The more I think about this, the more right it feels. And reading through how you see that in your rafting was such a good illustration.

Thank you, thank you!!!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Nadine – Absolutely need to do a session on the water together!

We are just entering into our beautiful weather season, one of the reasons I live in AZ. And I am finding it is such a peaceful place to be with folks. But definitely more involved time-wise.

Thank you for bringing up the point about trust in me as a coach. I hadn’t thought of the relationship with my friend like that needing to build that type of trust.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Amber – yes, I’ve done two coaching sessions on the water. The first was unexpected but came naturally, the second (the one I shared) was planned. Both good learning experiences and would love to share my observations/maybe figure out some ideas on this together. I’ll messenger you and we could talk through 🙂

[Kim Gilchrist]

Nadine – Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And Michael’s feedback. Great learning for all of us, even if it was an uncomfortable situation of you!

I too have a difficult time wanting to pull out of the story and focus on what is happening – now. Since we can’t guide through a past story and other’s parts in it, although this does influence this ‘now’ From what we learned and from the reading, that is very much the Gestalt theory that you work in the here and now. And, Michael’s input on staying with the story but then bringing it back to the goal of the coaching session through reflection can be a difficult one. We have to determine when/where/how to get to that point.

The empty chair exercise sounds like it did get your client in a more communication state with herself and needs. Just maybe not in a deeper need state. But if we go back to what Derek taught, that sessions may not come to what we think of as a completion but it may be a completion for the client. Are you going to meet with Karen again? Maybe taking what you started with the other person in the chair (after Angela) and taking that further?

Finally to your point – we’re not Gestalt therapists. But it can be one of our tools to understanding how to guide our client as just one part of our sessions. If we weren’t practicing specifically Gestalt would you have stayed with it or maybe brought in other tools? Just a thought.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Sheri – As I was reading through this, it brought up to me a session I had with Mandy since our last intensive. I’ve been coming to an understanding that I have too many priorities in my life – I created a mandala of priorities (borrowing the idea from Parts work – great exercise, but that’s an aside). It was online and she had me go through a Gestalt exercise where I visualized having my most supportive friends surround me and then I let had to let go of my priorities one-by-one (represented by balls in the air) and then listened to what each friend said to me after I let each of the balls go.

I share this as it sounds similar to what you were doing with your client. Mandy did need to keep me engaged as this was uncomfortable for me to face. She kept me verbalizing how it felt and we talked about what I heard in the visualization. So helping me stay away from the “I don’t know” by talking through what my friends said to me which, of course, was really how I was feeling.

And I share with you this strong interest in Gestalt. Understanding that what is happening/feeling in the now and then expanding this through experimentation(s) is my boiled down version of it which I see so much potential for taking clients through.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Melody – You have so thought this out! And in your response to Nadine you talked about how your ideal client has changed. I love the honesty of that. For all of us, it will be interesting to see how we grow and develop over time how our ideal clients may change – 1 year from now, 5 years, 10 years…

When you say “I want a business based on my authentic self that supports myself and my family beyond our needs/means in a sustainable way (no burn out/ or long hours, when I want to work) so I can help heal and nurture mother earth.” this really sums it up. The mantra I’ve been using over the last few months – stay true to my path and I envision an arrow – feels so right on with what you said. Knowing what will work for you first is the only way you can truly help your clients and ultimately the earth we are part of.

Finally, the fact that you acknowledge that you won’t always be coaching in-person is important. It’s important for all of us to understand that nature is so much more than what we traditionally think of. Nature can be what is around us just as much as it can be walking through the woods. I know when I describe what we are learning to do I talk about nature as outdoors and as ‘our office,’ makes me think that this descriptor needs to be a bit more encompassing. Ahhh, always more to think about!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Melody – I like how you point out that with nature anything can happen! It’s so true and such an important statement for us as coaches. It may be an Aha moment, or it may not be. Nature may help them to see the big picture or it may just be a nice walk/sit/time in the outdoors. That’s where we need to let it be what it is for each person. And, as Matt pointed out not to let our own agendas get in the way of what our client’s experience and need is! You are right, not everyone wants to hug a tree and we need to respect that.
I think it is really important to that you talk about the non-verbal cues as well. That may be as telling (or even more) than what they say. I had an experience recently with a friend who refused to respect my threshold space, let alone my critical space, when we were out paddling on the water. This has happened multiple times with this person on that day and other occasions. This time though, my mood and my body language did a 180 change. And even though I kept the conversation light, it was so clear that I wanted to get out of that situation! Looking back on that I see that was a real learning experience for future coaching sessions and what was really being communicated!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Hi Matt – Your statement about ‘the impulse to skip past or rush through the back story…to display coaching prowess,’ just makes me smile. Because I’m going to go out on a limb and say we all want to do this. We want to show that we’re listening and holding space and using our core competencies and, and, and…we know what we are doing! But taking the step back, that can sometimes be the hardest part. And still one of the most important.
I’m also pondering that question how to ‘stay in your lane’ as we all do play different roles and have different expectations from ourselves and those put on us as well that we live up to. So, I’m trusting in this way that I will treat each client the way I would want to be treated as a clients. And that I do hold the space for the client, I do let the client set realistic session goals and longer-term coaching goals, and always know that we, as coaches, should always remain neutral. Plus our agenda really isn’t important here!
You bring up some other really interesting points – I also like the idea of the ceremonial opening that is really owned by the client. Ivy did that during our intensive and I definitely tried (and have been continuing to try it) to use that with my practice clients. I am finding it helps to set the tone of the session in the client’s own way if they want to do this. The more I’m thinking about understanding each person’s unique back story, the more I can see how this can shape what this opening can be. Not to be putting my own agenda on it but to help guide them in it. Of course, this may become less of an opening ceremony and more of a ‘as we get more into the session-ceremony.’ Food for thought.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Hi Melody – That’s really cool to see how your practice clients went to the places that had the most importance to them! I see so much how that is important as we provide support. Just thinking of how I felt during our intensive when I changed sit spots toward the end finding a place that was more where I was emotionally at that time.
And, yes, I would like to hear more about the directions in shamanism. Looking forward to talking to you about that!