[Kim Gilchrist]

Melody and Taylor – As I am reading your initial posts the thing that really sparks me is how unique we are all taking the long-term coaching idea to make it our own for our clients. That is so cool and so much a reflection of who we are as people and as coaches.

Mel – your approach to this with the directions and stating that “there is no end, it’s a process” really hit home with the learning/readings we just did in the intensive. And admitting that you felt you sold yourself short but learned from that to move forward is such a powerful step for us as coaches. This saying came to mind: Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. (Confucious).

Taylor – your thought out approach to this the with understanding that LTC is your bread and butter, puts you in such a good place to build these relationships. Having the contracts prepared, time-frames you want to offer and by being so ready you are really able to focus on the deeper needs & communication with the client is really what its about. The idea of the same sit-spot for client sessions so there is a comfort along with being out in/absorbing nature during this time is a great way to always have that connection.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Initial post – 6.10.20

I had a chance to meet with two practice clients in a joint session and talk through what a long-term coaching solution would look like for them. Something that they would be interested in as a long-term group vs. individuals which I thought was a really interesting approach and also much more aligned with where my business plan is heading.

The way I am looking at establishing the coaching agreement is to spend the first session(s) to get to understand and know the client. And to assess if a long-term agreement is a) right for them b) right for them at this time, and c) right for them for their overall goals. With my two clients we talked in depth about why they might find this right for them and right for them at this time. Both of them stressed how much they don’t want to be considered ‘broken’ but instead to be able to have an emotional/physical/intellectual/spiritual check point ongoing. Neither were ready to commit to too long of a term so we agreed to put an agreement together that initially is 3 months with the option to extend or cancel from there. What really started gelling for both them, as clients, and me, as a coach, is that we came up with this type of agreement together so there is more of a commitment.

The key learning for me on this is that needs to be boilerplate information such as the payment terms, language on cancelling/extending (e.g., 2 week’s written notice for either), expectations on the coaching plan, and so on. The way the agreement can then be tailored for each client(s) needs – a short-term 1-2 sessions to a long-term full commitment and what is in between – is so essential.

Then the group dynamic of it too, created an excitement for them. So we discussed that if they share sessions then the costs can be shared as well. For what they want to work on and the comfort level they had of sharing with and in-front of each other, we agreed it should work and we would try it. Within the agreement I will add in a clause for stepping out of it as individuals (if needed) and what they cause and effect that would be.

I do see there may be some bigger hurdles as we try to create agreed upon milestones for them together and as individuals. But that will be part of a future discussion.

We did all of this as we were doing a water-wander (a.k.a., paddling through a quiet reservoir). Since both of these clients love being out on the water, it was a very comfortable place to be and we were able to share ideas of how we could expand from here. It was being in a moving sit-spot which is another idea I want to incorporate into my business since that is such a natural place for me as a coach as well.

Reflecting on this overall, the long-term coaching aspect just makes sense to me. Since my business will be based more on teaching with coaching incorporated into this, it will be absolutely necessary to create & cultivate these relationships. It also is very similar to how I have approached my consulting business in which I very rarely take on short-term project but instead take on long-term and/or multiple elements to create a more cohesive result. In this same light, my students/clients will have more cohesive results as we look toward a more holistic, long-term approach that can be as flexible as it needs to be.

[Kim Gilchrist]

SUMMARY POST: I admit, I didn’t relate as well to the brain learnings! I did have Mandy go back through with me and hit highlights, ask questions. That really helped bring more understanding to me but I’m not sure I will ever be the scientific one!

I do think understanding how our clients (and ourselves) go through the states of change is so important. And how we can be moving along fine, then suddenly we’re back into one of the states. As coaches, guiding through this with our clients can be both rewarding and challenging. And for what I want to take out of this, I see how important the states of change and working within them will be.

As I’ve been re-reading this section, story and myth are so relevant. More than I realized when we initially were learning this. Makes me want to learn more now on the whys, wheres and how we work with this.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Nadine – Now that it has been a few months since you’ve posted your experience with Karen, have you had a chance to work with her again? Has she come to trust the decisions she is making and not judging herself? And, if not, have you had more time to reflect on how you helped her? It sounds like there is a real challenge with her to not get involved in the stories/myths that make up her life. I know this is something we have to always face with our clients but for some it will be more of a challenge. And she sounds like she has so many amazing accomplishments, that it would be potentially even more so.

I do really like the exercise you tried with her where you took her to her future self and asked her to look back to where she is now. It is a shame that didn’t work as well as hoped. For my yoga teacher training last month we had to write a letter to our future self and write a letter to our past self. There were no rules on how far in either direction. It was a cathartic exercise for me! It was also very interesting where each person put themselves in that situation. Maybe a modification/combo of what you did and that exercise could be worth exploring as a potential tool.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Ben – So am curious when you could see the connections with your client and her changes, did this change anything in the way that you guide her? Where you said “I could almost follow her growth in insight as well as emotions when her brain was working from the hippocampus. It was like it in perceptual memory, then moving into factual memory, and then had the ability to move into more of creating a story behind her work, then moving into integration.” Because like you, I think it is rad to understand where the changes are going on but am still wrestling with how to apply this in a practical aspect.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Matt – When I initially read your reply (oh so long ago now), I really appreciated your take on my father’s myths. It put it in such a different perspective for me. Reading it again now, I appreciate it even more. As a daughter, I just want to roll my eyes and say ‘really, really you did that??!! I was there I know you didn’t…’ But looking at objectively, I see where for him this becomes more of a way to be in the story no matter how fantastical it has to be to make sense in his mind. So this ties back into the idea of euphoric expanded connection, even if it is short-lived. Since I think of myths as growing into something over time, this made me stop and think that doesn’t have to be the case. It can be a myth in as easily as 5 minutes as 5 years. Makes me want to explore this now even further as a coach. Thank you!

[Kim Gilchrist]

SUMMARY POST: Wow, the timing on this seems so apropos with what we, as a world community, are dealing with right now. Trauma is so acutely around us as we have to social distance, change working and living patterns, and wonder every day what will happen to our health, family & friends, finances. And when we do come out of this, what will things look like.

We’ve all seen on the news lately where people who have gone into a hyper state where they are buying more than they need, hoarding and taking drastic measures. And, then there are those going into a more hypo state where they’ve shut down and are watching, waiting. I’ve definitely seen this in my local community.

So now is a time where we truly need to hold space for our clients and just people in general – those we know and those we don’t – to allow for the safety and security they need to get through this crisis. I keep reminding myself and saying to others that we have to accept and not judge how each individual goes through this time. As Mel said, we need to step with caution as people are in unknown spaces.

And as we get back to normal life, I believe that what we do as coaches will be a tremendous asset for people who will be dealing with this long after. Understanding, accepting, resourcing and being there to guide with them when needed.

[Kim Gilchrist]

First off, my apologies for being so late with this to everyone in the group! I could come up with all sorts of excuses – me getting hung up on the science of the brain so I didn’t do anything, the holidays were going on when this was due, life got busy, etc. – but none of that matters, I just didn’t do it until now.

Secondly, I did not meet with a practice client specifically on the brain side of things. But I definitely had observations since we did this intensive that are relevant to this area. And any observations I did ask the person(s) if we could discuss these as learning for this program. So I did get permission for anything noted here.

High Stress State – Recently I was in a group discussion and one of the participants started talking about the way she has been living, in a state of high stress where she is constantly in a fight or flight mode. This was all related to her corporate job and belief on what success should be. It brought to light what Michael had talked about with living in a sympathetic system and some of the biggest drivers of this in our worlds are money and success. About 6 months ago, she had enough, quit and walked away from all of this bringing her more into parasympathetic state. It made me think through where she’d been living in a high-range brain wave state but the person I know is now in a more mid-range and low-range brain wave state. We had a chance to talk a bit about her pathways to get where she’s at now. And admittedly she says it is very easy for her to go into that high-stress state again. Hopefully when the time is right, we can turn these conversations into coaching.

Dam vs. Grand Canyon – I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit from my own perspective. Just like everyone, I like the metaphor of the Grand Canyon and building new tributaries and/or changing the course of the river. But what I see in myself is the action of creating the new course and then working it so much I dam it up. Or maybe I don’t let it dig deep enough to become that tributary before rushing off to the next thing. Either way, there is a pattern formed of contemplation, planning, action, stop. Walk away and off to something else. I discussed this with a friend who has the same pattern of behavior as me. And we’re both realizing that each of those actions are things we thought we wanted but not enough to see through even if it seems so at the time. It really made me think of how if she (or me) was my client that this would be a starting point to work with focused attention/visualization techniques to either continue creating the new course or not.

Story and Myth – This one really hangs me up because of the word ‘myth’ but when I get past what it’s called, it really makes sense. I see this constantly with my father who loves to tell stories. But then creates these into myths to make them so much greater than they are and to justify where he is at in his life. Really most of it is around why he’s the last of his peer group, brothers and his wife still living. So, he uses these often times grandiose myths to make sense of it. We’ve had several deep conversations which are similar to coaching sessions to help work through his feelings of fear of moving on and guilt for still being here. I say similar since there is guiding but advice giving does slip in as well.

So after putting these observations down, I really feel the biggest takeaway for me is about the connectivity of it all – “brain makes the mind”, mind being neural activity, mind being consciousness, the higher thinking (cortex) to the emotions (limbic) to the reptilian brain, brain waves to allow and/or block changes and information – tying into how we change (neuroplasticity). Then understanding the neural patterns of our clients to help guide through the purpose of their seeking help.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Hi Sheri –
I really like that you are now starting your sessions with resourcing and putting the client in charge of what is right for her/him. It not only provides both the client and you with a baseline starting point, it sets your relationship up for having that as a go-back-to when needed! Such a smart and connected way to bring this into your guiding.

And, I like you, really appreciate stepping back to understand that trauma is a nervous system action/re-action vs. the trauma being in the event. Of course I kept swinging back to medical trauma as well. After thinking through this, it dawned on my that I associate medical trauma with shock trauma to the emotional state.

Thank you for sharing your experience with trauma & resourcing. Really helped to illustrate a client’s experience as well as sharing a very personal moment.

[Kim Gilchrist]

I had an opportunity recently to work again with a previous practice client (and a friend) on a more informal basis than an official coaching session. That said, as I saw where were going I asked him if he was comfortable with me moving into more of a guide role than a friend role. And reminded him that everything remains between us. So our conversation felt a bit like coaching and a bit like friends talking. I’ve noticed that this more informal approach/style has been working well with the folks I know.

My friend was definitely in a more hyper state with his overreaction to what was going on. His description of things and his attention to just repeating the story over and over in different ways was very telling. I let him go with it for a little bit but interjected thought starters to get him back to focusing. I also know with this person, the best way to get him somewhere is to let him come to the thought. So we talked about grounding from the root chakra and what that means. He then was open to ground and center himself on the earth. I asked him to talk to me about the trail we were on, what he saw/felt/heard/smell. It was like a light switch turning on – we could then really talk.

As we were talking I could see that he’s in the planning state of change. And circling around in there. It is a pattern I’ve seen in him. He’s not ready to face the actual trauma(s) that may have brought him to this and it is not my role as a guide to force that issue. So we stayed away from getting to far into the deeper need and instead created actionable items for the current issue. He was definitely in a better place for this action step!

For this time, nature played a bit of a backdrop to the session. But just by being out there, I feel like it made a huge difference. And this client/friend works in a high-powered corporate world all the time. But loves being out on the trails so just by being in the place where he’s most at home and at ease was a big part of getting to a new action.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Mel – I really like that you bring up using nature as a resource even if it just a visualization of nature. You also had brought that up in our recent toolbox webinar and such a good reminder that it is not only around us but in us. Especially when facing and dealing head on with trauma. We can help our clients to resource this no matter what the setting.
And how fantastic your client was able to apply resourcing throughout the session when she needed it. Have you had a chance to meet with her again to see if she has continued to use this tool?
I was reading recently about a new term ‘psychoterratic’ that is the psychological responses to place/nature put out by Glenn Albrecht. It just made me think of what you are saying when you talk about the healing and connection through nature. Not sure we really need a name but more an understanding of it and how to use it!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Summary Post
I’m still very much on the fence on parts work. While I see how this can help our clients, I actually like approaching it from a more casual standpoint. Letting the client walk through their story/session from the part (or parts) only if it is appropriate and without separating it out so strongly. My experience (be it very limited) has been more about recognizing there are parts, appreciating how they make up who you are and being curious to follow through if it makes sense. Having the parts talk to the soul and vice versa, seeing changes in behavior while speaking from the parts and so on hasn’t felt right for me personally or felt right for the practice clients I’ve worked with so far. Maybe this is something I need to continue to play with.

Listening to the parts work webinar, the idea that a part could be an introject and not a part is very interesting. I hadn’t thought of parts like that. And being aware of this for your client but letting them come to that understanding if that is the case is also opening a new way of looking at this for me.

Reading through the thread, it does seem that the idea of introducing parts work to our clients and then keeping the flow moving is a theme. As Nadine put it so well, there isn’t a single way to introduce it to our clients and we can either plan it or get to it organically. This is something I’m still struggling with the idea of – it’s easier when we’re working with each other since there is a familiarity already. Its more challenging when its a new concept. But as was also brought up in the webinar and in the forum/individual discussions, this can be introduced even before a session. More food for thought.

So for me, I’m going to stay curious and open to this but am currently finding that other tools we are learning may fit more into the style that I see for my coaching. Of course, like life, it’s all a journey to learn from!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Nadine – I always appreciate how straightforward you are and am sure your clients do as well! Even though you haven’t met with this client in a bit, you really have a clear picture of what would work for her. And how to put a plan into action that will ultimately help her get to her 5-year deadline. Even with that you are holding space for where she may be at after what the world (and she) has been going through so it sounds like you’re ready to be flexible with what you see as her plan.

As you noted in your reply to me, it’s about collaboration to gain greater commitment with our clients. So true! And a theme that am seeing throughout everyone’s responses.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Hi Sheri –
What a great exercise you did! It feels like Gestalt in that it was an experiment in the moment. And then obviously parts work with having the table conversation. And having the soul sit between the parts to really hear what these parts needed to express was just brilliant!

And hearing that this brought parts work home to you as well is very inspiring. Since we can’t really help our clients through parts work if we’re not practicing it on ourselves too! You really got me thinking about this as I’m working on my own parts as well and it is a truly difficult thing to do. More than I realized!

The homework you gave her makes sense to have her understand what Parts are taking action and in the conversation. I did that as well with my client but only during the session. So, it makes me know I need to circle back with him on this.

And not feeling like there needs to be a label on what the part is, just an understanding is so right on! So much less like homework and more self-awareness.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Hi Melody –
Just love how you flowed with the client. Noticing her cues – both verbal and non-verbal – to understand where best to go with her in this parts work. And that nature came together easily as part of this vs. trying to force how that fits in.
As I’ve been wrestling with the how to bring the soul into the parts work more gently (I keep going back to the soul being the CEO and acting like that!), reading what you wrote about the connection makes a lot of sense! And explaining how it works for you to the client definitely makes it less daunting. Looking back at the Intensive work it really struck me that we have to be willing to do parts work on ourselves in order to be able to help clients do parts work on themselves!
Thank you for sharing your insights on this.