Kaity Holsapple
Forum Replies Created
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Initial Post:
The session I’ve chosen to share today was an impromptu 30 minute session that came about during a yoga intensive. One of the students, Melissa, was from the UK and having a lot of family struggles at home. She has an abusive husband and very unhappy relationship where she feels trapped. She has four children who are in boarding school. The whole family is reliant on her husband’s income, which has made it very difficult for her to imagine any way to leave the relationship. She has no money on her own and feels she cannot leave without compromising her children’s education and her own financial security.
Melissa came to me to talk during one of our evening’s off, as her home dynamic was getting in the way of her ability to fully show up during the training. Our relationship as coach and client had been reinforced through our work together at the training, as well as discussing whether she’d like me to just listen or offer coaching. When she said she would like coaching on what she was going through, we found some time to sit down and chat. We stayed mainly in severance for the session, with a little threshold. It was clear to me pretty quickly that she was bridging between pre-contemplation and contemplation in various aspects.
– Pre-contemplation: She had no idea how to remove herself from the dynamic. She felt powerless in her ability to provide for herself or her family. She continues to feed into the abusive dynamic. This is partially for her safety, and partially because she truly loves her husband regardless of his behaviors. She is very caught up in telling her story and attached to her identification as the “victim.”
– Contemplation: She is starting to awaken and realize that the relationship is not healthy. She knows she wants something different, but she doesn’t know what that looks like or how to get there. She feels stuck.
In terms of Brain 2, the largest point that stood out to me with Melissa is the part of the brain that chooses what it see’s. I could see that a change in perspective could be empowering and beneficial for Melissa, but she was pretty caught up in her way of perceiving and seeing things. It was difficult to even get to Melissa’s want or need, as she kept bubbling back up to her story. I asked if she could ever imagine herself feeling differently about the situation, she had a really hard time envisioning a different way. When I asked her if we could pause from the “story” to feel what was happening on a deeper level, she seemed to shift.
In that shift, Melissa eventually identified her want as feeling safe, secure, and empowered in her life. She had no idea how to get there, so we stayed with just feeling safe here in the moment. I shared a breathing practice with her, as she began to have an experience of panic. The breathing practice was and continues to be huge for her to remain grounded.
From my perspective and intuition, I felt Melissa could use a whole lot of grounding. She seemed flustered, airy, disconnected, confused, and uncertain. We brought nature in through grounding. I guided Melissa in feeling the earth beneath her, supporting and holding her. This seemed to calm her system down.
My largest challenge with Melissa was not give advice or projecting my “shoulds.” Since I’ve had experiences in abusive relationships, it was hard not to feel attached to her leaving her husband. I could feel myself wanting to project what I thought was best onto her. I noticed this in the backdrop of my mind and was able to stay with her without giving advice or being judgmental. Melissa shared with me that it felt good to no be judged about it.
In future sessions, I’d like to work more with this powerless dynamic. I’d also be interested in exploring which parts of Melissa are in pre-contemplation, and which are in contemplation or action. -
Summary:
Trauma is in the nervous system, not in the event. The impulse of the nervous system is either to contract (freeze) or mobilize (fight or flight). Our bodies naturally want to regulate themselves. As coaches, we can support our clients in finding healthy regulation and resourcing to increase the window of tolerance around traumatic responses in the body. If a trauma is activated during a coaching sessions, a vital tool to for our use is titration, where we move back and forth between the trauma and the resource.
Traumatic arousal brings the nervous system back into the same state and activation it was in during the traumatic experience(s). We can support our clients in realize where they are in the present moment is safe to help their system realize that the trauma was in the past, rather than in the present moment. This allows the event to sequence and move through rather than continue to be “stuck” in the nervous system.
The largest piece for me, as a coach, is to create a safe environment for my client to feel seen, supported, and allowed. We are supporting their bodies natural impulse to sequence, but in a healthy way that encourages more long-term balance in the nervous system.
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Summary post:
The brain and its’ neural connections change depending on the experiences we have. Beliefs, attitudes, perspectives, and behaviors all can change to support our wants and needs. The stages of change move us our of pre-contemplation, unawareness, to contemplation, awareness but confusion on what actions can be taken. Coaching helps us move into planning, then action, then maintenance to continue supporting high-road circuitry. This allows us to act with awareness, in alignment with our goals rather than react with unconsciousness in reaction to our conditioning and life trauma.
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Initial Post:
My client had the goal for overcoming social anxiety and making more meaningful friends. As the session unfolded, we identified her deeper need as contentment and gratitude, which led to a powerful threshold experience where her posture and baseline shifted dramatically. She went from collapsing in the chest to standing upright on both feet, and felt clearer and more level headed. During and after threshold, she intuitively tuned into her bodies natural resources.
It was cool to see the process of resources naturally arise in my client, and to use some of the tool’s Katie offered to strengthen her natural resourcing. Specifically, we used gratitude and describing objects in detail.
The major challenges that arose we’re in asking the right questions to get to the deeper need. Some questions were difficult for her to answer while others led us straight to the deeper need. I adapted by being flexible with wording and asking her to paraphrase and repeat important points.
She has a background in theater, so approaching threshold in a theatrical way really flowed and felt comfortable for my client. We acted certain things out, and I felt that our energy was feedings off of one another to create a peak experience. It also helped to have defined the need so strongly and clearly.
From that point, incorporation came naturally and had a lot of excitement and momentum behind it.
My major learning point from this session is how different each session unfolds based on my client’s comfort zones and personalities. With this client, we were able to enter threshold in a way I haven’t experienced before. With a different client I’ve been working with, threshold has felt more difficult and I’ve had to adapt it to stay within her baseline and window of tolerance. It shows me how important attunement is for a successful coaching session.
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My client is a 20 year old female with OCD, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. She is a phlebotomist at a local hospital. She is on medication for her mental health and working with a counsellor. We recently had a 90-minute intake session where we honed in on her main goal, which was to stop her mind from racing so much and learn to relax.
Our session began with just a grounding, resourcing, and centering to help reduce some of the anxiety that she was experiencing. I allowed her to set up in the space that felt most comfortable for her and to place me somewhere that felt comfortable as well. We then discussed some of what was going on in her life and her prior experience with yoga, counseling, and coaching. We honed in on her struggles with racing thoughts, and talked about what has helped her find relief from this in the past. We discovered that feeling the body as a container with her hands felt like the best resource for her.
She shared that she has struggled with her racing thoughts for a long time, since her youth. It seems like her brains default state brings her into hyper-vigilance and the low-road circuit. In that regard, it felt like there is some trauma that may come up and be beneficial to address. As far as change theory, I can see her just entering contemplation, but wanting to move forward with planning.
We mainly stayed in severance for this session and took a long time to weed out the want. I often mirrored her verbally and physically, and made safety a priority.
The thing that felt challenging to me was how to balance the planning and action in the change model without fueling the obsessive compulsive symptoms she experiences. I felt like there was a fine balance between accountability and being gentle when it came to this particular issue. There are still some questions I have for her in what the best was to do this is. We didn’t get there in our first session.
Threshold flowed, as we did some more body-based resourcing. She seemed to really connect with the body as a tool to ground and center. We built off of this together by deciding that it would be a good resource to try out throughout the week, and come back next week to see how it felt.
I am still learning how to balance and integrate all of the different models we receive in EBI, along with the models I have from Yoga Therapy, to make a cohesive and flowing session.
For future sessions with this client, I need to hone in more on the deeper need and build a plan from that deeper place. This session revolved around resourcing and self-care.
Change theory and neuroscience principals enhance my coaching as they remind me that everything is brain: all that we perceive, feel, think, and how we act. And it’s empowering to know that the brain is pliable and can support meaningful change in myself and my client. I also often think of the high-road versus low-road circuitry and how to guide my client into a higher, more supportive circuit.
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I have just re-read all of your inspiring posts and feel truly blessed to be a part of this cohort and EBI community. It is clear to me that each and every one of us has a different way we will impact and touch the world through restoring a connection to nature, each of which is powerful and beautiful. Mandy and the arts, Brian and children, David and adolescents, and so on. Each post felt so right person by person, and I feel really inspired by you all!
I returned home from my retreat in Costa Rica this Sunday, and it was a truly incredible experience. The evening before it began, I drew a card from my oracle deck… and you’ll never believe what it read! “Threshold.” This week blew my mind and heart open like any threshold experience would! And it felt beautiful to connect with students while integrating Nature connection into my teaching. If fit beautifully and felt right.
As my vision continues to refine, I feel more and more truth in how Yoga and Nature are one. They are not separate, but deeply ingrained within and through one another.
In conclusion:
Retreats feel like a very big part of what I wish to continue to give to the world. And I am dedicating more time in the next months to refine my private practice vision and begin working with clients. The timing of this question, like many of you have expressed, feels right for where I am in my vision work.Thanks again for your inspiring stories and visions – my heart feels full!
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As a pre-emptive to my answers below, I’d like to share that I still feel fairly uncertain about who my ideal client is. There are a few services I am looking to offer in conjunction with one another (yoga therapy merged with NCC, yoga retreats, and workshops), and I’m not sure if my ideal client is the same for each of these offerings. I feel a bit confused on whether the ideal client is the same for each of these, or is different. Any advice or input on this is much appreciated!
When you think about coaching and/or guiding others, who comes to mind? What is the population that most excites you, and why? How do you imagine working with them? Take time to consider all that you’ve learned during these Foundation Modules and express how you might work with your ideal client. What would be the common categories of goals that you foresee them working towards?
When I think about coaching others (in conjunction with Yoga Therapy), I immediately think of one of my current students. She is in her late 40’s, an empty nester, and loves loves loves learning about yoga and her body. I think she excites me so much, because she is excited herself! She is enthusiastic, ready and open to learn, and committed to integrating yoga practices into her life. She also comes to class with a lot of questions. When I’ve worked with her in the past, we’ve worked on some physical limitations (like kyphosis and shoulder pain), as well as how stress and lifestyle impact the body. I imagine working more with her through yoga and coaching for her goals for physical pain relief, emotional wellness, getting to know who she is now that her children have left the house, and learning how to redirect care for others towards self-care.
How would you like to collaborate with nature to support their awareness and success?
This is a great question, as a lot of our work together has been inside a yoga studio rather than in nature. Can nature collaborate if we are in an artificial setting? I’m not sure, but I do my best to integrate awareness, reflective listening, and sacred questioning. Actually going outside feels huge in terms of connecting to nature, wildlife, symbolism, and meaning-making.The integration of nature into Yoga Therapy feels like a huge refinement in my vision. I’m not quite sure how to build a bridge between NCC and Yoga Therapy, but the two fields feel complimentary and I really want to connect them!
This leads me to another question I have for myself and the group: I am considering bringing my work into a more “online” type of setting, where I would be skyping in with clients who are further away and working in person with clients who are closer. How do we integrate nature into a skype session? Does it still work, or does that take some of the potency away from NCC? This feels even similar to me in doing NCC work inside a Yoga Studio rather than in nature – I’m not sure if it feels cohesive or how I can make it work.
This isn’t a very intellectual post, but has helped me a LOT to somewhat “stream of consciousness” journal to you all! As you can see, I have more questions than answers. Especially after our call today, I’ve felt like I have so many questions on what it is that I want to do with NCC+Yoga Therapy, who I want to offer it to, and HOW I’m going to make it happy. I am sitting in the unknown while my vision comes into place, trying to bring it together piece by piece.
As I mentioned on the call I’ve been quite busy preparing for this retreat in Costa Rica. I will probably not be able to check the forum again for the next 10-days or so, but I will be back 🙂
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Summary post:
The threshold is an experience of allowing the client to connect to their deeper need in an experiential way, and in doing so, also connecting to the client on the level of their deeper need. It builds intimacy, requires trust, and results in transformation on a deep level. It is an experience of the deeper need as reality in the client’s present moment experience!
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Reflect on your experience as a client in the “threshold”.
I immediately think of one particular instance of threshold during our intensive in January. My coach and I discovered my deeper need and I wanted to affirm it in threshold by standing on top of a rock, dancing with the wind, and yelling “I am sunflower!” It felt a scary, and like I was moving “against the grain” of how I normally exist, to do such a silly, loud, thing and call so much attention to myself. My need was to allow myself to be big, bold, and to take up space. And actually doing that was really scary, and really profound. My coach held a very safe and light-hearted space for me to summon the courage and be big. As I stepped up onto the rock, I felt an opening and awakening. I allowed myself to do and be what my heart really wanted and it felt like I was leaning into myself fully rather than running away.
Thinking about it now, the feeling of going “against the grain” of how I normally live went with the grain of my Soul. And allowed me to realize that it’s not always about living in alignment with what’s comfortable, but living in alignment with what is deep and real. It’s like I’ve been in a river swimming upstream against certain parts of myself, and surrendering to the current feels like a big, scary, forbidden pathway. But in threshold, I allow myself to surrender to the stream. And in the process, I realize that it’s way easier to go with the flow of the water, of my Soul, that it is to constantly struggle against it.
My experiences as a client in the threshold often feel like a stepping into the unknown and into parts of myself that have been rejected. Each time I am entering threshold I feel subtle to obvious levels of courage it requires to step into the experience. But once I make the move, fear transforms into wonder. Awareness and connection open up and I feel like I am finally listening to lost parts of myself, to my deeper needs. In threshold, I listen to the need and take action on behalf of it. What could be more precious and powerful than that?
How does that experience inform your coaching and why?
This is deep work that we are doing. And I believe it is meant to “go against the grain” a bit. I keep saying that phrase, because I truly believe that there is a process of switching directions that may feel unnatural at first, yet afterword opens up into something more natural and free. Anytime we are switching habits or challenging deep core beliefs, it is probably not going to be easy. While some clients may feel amped up and ready to leap into threshold, other clients may feel afraid, ashamed, uncertain, or in disbelief of themselves. It reminds me as a coach to make and hold space for all of these experiences, no matter where on the spectrum they fall. And as my coach did with the experience above, to maintain safety, confidentiality, and lightness in my presence.
How did Nature participate in your process and what does that tell you about coaching others?
In my process described above, the wind spoke to me. The second I climbed up onto the rock, the wind grew strong as if encouraging me to move my body and be light. I feel Nature sends symbols like this to encourage me, lead me in the direction of the Soul, and connect me to my greater role in all of creation. This tells me that nature speaks to those who listen. She speaks in differnt languages for different people but is available to support and lead the process of transformation.
What ICF core competencies are essential for you to practice and build on to feel confident in that “place” as a coach?
I feel that coaching presence (with the client and with nature) and creating awareness allow Nature to participate more in coaching. In Threshold experiences, creating trust and intimacy is integral, as well as maintaining a coaching presence. Threshold is a peak experience that as a coach I want to really be present and open for. Creating safety feels huge, which is why I see establishing trust as an extremely important competency for this process. -
Rachel,
I really appreciate your ability to look at things head on, that might otherwise feel “taboo” or be completely avoided. It sounds like your ability to name and allow the attraction energy, as well as other somatic experiences, really contributed to your client’s ability to feel his own as well as your boundaries and enter the deeper need of feeling his power.
It sounds like the educational component here was important for his to feel contextualized, empowered, and tapped into a healthy ego.
I also love what you shared about understanding the spiritual process of threshold through a neurological and biological perspective. It sounds like you gracefully make these connections to allow your client and yourself to hold deeper understanding in the importance of this process.
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I really enjoyed reading your post, Heber!
Your insight on nature and taking a “wide angle” focus really hit home for me. I’ve been working with this concept with my clients and notice how things can shift from a sympathetic to a parasympathetic state through such simple methods, like wide angle vision or slowing the breath.
I also appreciate your story about your friend, who seems to have a lifestyle with sensory overload, like many Americans. I totally agree. I think that it’s challenging to feel relaxed, open, and connected when our environment is constantly overwhelming our brains. It would be interested to hear if wide angle vision helps your friend with panic attacks. From my personal experience, a change in perspective can mean everything 🙂
Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to hearing more about both of your friends.
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Daniel,
That’s a great question! I don’t remember the exact wording but it had to do with allowing her to shift from the doing mindset to the being mindset. She has had issues with making friendships for a long time and was left with an internal feeling like something was wrong with her. This was another aspect that continued to arise: “what am I doing wrong,” and when we got to the being questions, even “what am I being wrong.”
It took some coaxing to bring her mindset into a more positive and self-loving place. We talked about self-love and that allowed her to show up on a deeper level and tune into her need for contentment.
It was pretty awesome to see her pre-gratitude glow afterwards! She shared with me that she was starting to see the landscape in a different way as well, noticing more of the flowers, the sky, and the rock fixtures. This was a powerful session to facilitate!
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David, I love your idea of introducing these stages of change to your client. I think that could be really powerful. It has me curious, and I often think about this when integrating yoga and life coaching, about the fine line between when it’s time to guide and when it’s time to share a tool to support the client in a different way.
I have a client, different from the woman I posted about, who is very resistant to any introspection, so I usually mainly stay in the realm of offering tools and practices. Her daughter (she’s older) wanted her to come, so it’s not particularly her decision to be there. I know you want to work with adolescents who may be in a similar place or state of mind around coaching. I’m curious how to support individuals like this who are in pre-contemplation or even a resistance stage.
This stood out to me from what you shared about your client: “She told me, however, that even during the weekend filled with crisis she was able to integrate a lot of what we worked on in the first session and that she had never before been so grounded and connected to herself during crisis. Sounds like the ritual we set up was able to strengthen some new neuropathways!”
Amazing! I love how she can see changes within herself, even in crisis mode. It sounds like you were able to successfully guide her from low-road to high-road circuitry and really support her goal for change, even in the relapse stage.
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Brian, how sweet to hear you experience walking through the woods with the two little boys! It’s beautiful that you are narrowing in on who you really want to be connecting and working with. I think your vision in working with children will continue to grow and become clearer – from what you’ve shared, it seems like this is really where your heart is!
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Hannah, I love how poetic and real this is:
“The threshold seems to have its own direction and heartbeat, and the more I surrendered to its course, the more I realized that I was being swept up by a wave that I held no control over.”
It feels really relatable to my own experiences in Threshold. There is something bigger driving the experience, and you describe that feeling in a very relatable way.
I also really love how you describe threshold as a place of vulnerability and wonder, and your desire to “be the kind of guide who can hold space for whatever comes up, and has the intuition to interject or support when needed.” That is a powerful want, and I also want that for myself as a coach.
The final part of your writing that stood out to me was:
“I imagine that they may benefit from, like I needed in my process, being reminded that these symbols are real, and meaning-making isn’t a negative thing in this space; on the contrary, making meaning in the threshold is most of what it’s all about.”The recognition and affirmation of meaning and symbolism during threshold feels very potent. Some of my most powerful experiences have been driven by the symbolism of the earth, and having a coach affirm that meaning can drive away doubt and amplify the power of the experience.
Thank you for sharing, Hannah! It has been really powerful for me to read about your experience and I look forward to hearing everyone else’s! This is a cool opportunity to look at what threshold means for each person individually!