Hannah Grajko
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To summarize, I’m seeing the concept of partswork as such a profoundly complex and rich tool from the perspectives of myself, Mandy, and Rachel. It was interesting to me how we all had relatively similar notes of figuring out how to best elevate our clients to places where they could be empowered to find their own answers, and finding out how to best intuitively guide from our own personal soul-spaces. Allowing the process also feels like a common undercurrent in much of the above writing. It’s cool to see that we’re all working with the “same” concept, but it is manifesting in all sorts of different ways! Much like our coaching styles can help achieve transformation for our clients, and will probably all take different paths to get there.
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What steps did you take to establish the Coaching Relationship and focus the session?
I have a relatively close relationship with this client as it is (we lived together for a short time in a community house back East, and occupy some of the same social circles), and the session in question was the 4th of our hour and a half sessions thus far, so it felt like there was a pretty strong coaching relationship as a foundation. She is one of those clients that has a lot to say, and finds a lot of connections for what she’s feeling with other aspects of her life, so tangents are a thing in our sessions! However, I found that by creating a sacredness and asking her for a strong intention for the parts work threshold, she was able to come back to the focus and alignment of what her parts needed to communicate around a specific issue and the ways of being associated with it. I had her close her eyes and get really clear on the particular part coming to light. She sat with it for a while before we entered into a space of questioning and inquiry.
How did or could PartsWork fit into your nature-connected coaching session?
For this particular session, there wasn’t a lot of explicit nature-connection (except for the fact that my client was navigating through her own inner wilderness of experience and emotion). We have to have all of our sessions online because she lives in Oregon, so I’ve found that our nature-connected component has only so far come into play in between our sessions; she usually goes out on a wander with the questions and things we’ve talked about after a given session, and that has proven to be the best place for her to gain clarity and insights on her own. If we were in person, I imagine I would guide her to consider how the somatic experience of any of her given parts might correlate to an object in nature in the surrounding area at that moment. Even so, as we continue to work with her parts, I’m planning to invite her to bring her parts on a wander, and find some physical correlations with what she finds out there.
How did or could you collaborate with Nature and combine PartsWork and Coaching principles?
The experience for her was very somatic; she felt one of her most disliked and uncomfortable parts living in her solar plexus. With her committed and on-going yoga practice, she has been noticing how tension and pain show up there in correlation to the relationship issues she is having (confusion about how to deal with the anger of her partner because she is so repulsed by her own anger/anger in general). This came up a lot in our session, and when she came into her Virgo part (the angry part she wants very little to do with), she was very much feeling that physical discomfort. I invited her to stay with that, and to keep noticing what was happening with her own physical, internal “nature”. This was very eye-opening for her, because she was able to connect her physical nature with the emotional and cerebral sensations and thoughts she was having in a more intentional way.
What challenges did you face? How did you adapt?
Although this wasn’t the first time we had gone over what parts-work looks like, I still found it rather difficult to give what I thought was a fully clear picture of the practice. There were moments she would be a little confused, and I would have some difficulty in navigating how to explain something in a way that didn’t feel limited (because I find part-work to be such an expansive practice, though I know it is very helpful to start on a strong foundation!). I found myself sitting with the feeling that it may not be totally clear to her how we can best set up a situation where all pertinent parts can be heard in one session, but that that would come with more time and practice. There was a big part of me that had to let go to an attachment to “best practices” to some extent.
What flowed and how did you build off it?
Something that came up for her in a significant way was how one of her parts was taking up waaaaay too much energy and effectively draining other parts of the system. This was causing a major tension, specifically in her ability to make a decision about how to behave in a tender conflict with her partner. This realization slowly became clear to her when she began talking about things from the energy-hog part. We built off of it by getting really clear on the details: In what ways are you taking up too much space? What does that feel like to express that? Where does this show up in your body? What ideas do you have for creating more balance around this? Which parts can help you resource when you notice you’re dominating? The more we asked, the surer she expressed she felt that she could bring balance to this issue. It built up in such a clear and motivated way, and it was beautiful to witness.
What did you learn about yourself and nature-connected coaching?
It seems like I’m ever reminded of how this journey is that of my client’s, and that “my” ways of doing things feel more and more superfluous (and sometimes even detrimental). I noticed that the more I let her wildness go, and the less I asserted my own agenda, the more she was able to unfold and bloom. This is such a recurrent dynamic for me, and it’s really starting to become clear (with some clients more than others) that the less I hold on, the more my clients can open up to what is happening within them. I’m feeling like I’m morphing into a quiet and attentive tree in the woods who my clients can lean on, feel supported by, and be who they are without much obvious influence from me. “Less is more” feels right as I continue to practice.
How do the readings relate and interact with the face to face material and your work with your practice clients?
A lot of what I read in the Strachan piece rang true for so much of this session. I felt a lot of resonance with my client’s parts and the parts Mado describes as having. It was so uncanny that I actually sent her the PDF because I felt that it would give her some support, and she would just find it funny. The crux of her parts-work also harkened back to what Strachan writes about in the following: “One of Freud’s major contributions, along with determinism, was identifying the finite amount of energy available within the human system. At any given moment, some part will attempt to commandeer that energy and direct an action”. This was painfully obvious to my client, but she was so happy to have uncovered the dynamic.
What ideas do you have for how you might use PartsWork and nature-connected coaching in the future with your client?
Basically, Parts-work is my favorite, and if I have my way, I would like to invite all my clients to approach the approach I think the key for me is in helping my clients get really close to the parts that are arising, and then build the somatic and environmental connection to what we’re seeing. Obviously, I suspect that this will manifest differently with all my clients in various ways, but I know that having that optional structure to rely on is massively inspiring and potently transformational.
How does PartsWork effect or enhance your Coaching Presence and approach?
It allows me to make so much space for all the different and unique aspects of my clients, as well as hold respect for everything (and everyone) that comes up. It just brings such a deep level of empathy and understanding both to my clients from me, and to themselves. It feels like the ultimate practice of honoring what is while actively dissolving tension through allowance. Can you tell I like parts-work?
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Mandy,
Holy crap, I loved reading about your experience here! I’m totally struck by how it sounds like you totally surrendered to the forces moving through you for the benefit of your client. It appears to me that during your medicine walk, you were fully being guided by what needed to be communicated for your client, but were also able to have enough outside clarity and independent experience to see the larger symbolism and direction which directly translated to the coaching relationship.
You wrote, ” It has helped me so much to have something to refer to when I am reflecting on what’s happening for her and where we are headed. I can refer to the map and see how this is all coming together. And she told me that she has the map hung up in her room to help remind her of what she’s doing, where she wants to focus. For me, it’s as if I am able to surrender into the moment of the sessions that much more because I know we are being held by a larger process. And after our session ends, when I am in reflection, I can refer to the wheel or the stages of change and see where we are and what my client is working within a larger context”. I am so jazzed that this process has proven to be such a useful and worthwhile framework by which you can navigate the subsequent sessions of this long-term relationship!
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Kairon,
Thank you for sharing your beautiful experience with this client! I actually noticed a lot of similarities between what your client was going through, and that which Kaity’s client was experiencing. The tendency for someone to have unresolved grief, then enter into a care-taker role, then not be able to get the care they need later down the road, seems to be a common trajectory. I’m glad that you were able to help your client start to name this dynamic in her process.
You wrote, “After many sessions, I reflected that she had already given so much of her life to the people around her and that it seems like she is in a juncture where she wants to start giving to herself. I then asked a question, “when is the last time you received and became truthfully grateful?” She took a long pause and she said she could not remember”. I agree with your hunch that she feels like she is unable to dive into freeing vulnerability because of the pain and trauma of her father’s passing. While it could very well be conjecture, it sounds like a valid connection that could be explored by you and your client in a safe, supportive space.
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Kaity,
This was such an immensely touching post to read. I love that you saw right through the story of the puppy and what that truly stood for – the unresolved grief and trauma that was living in your client from the difficult passing of her father. It makes perfect sense that she didn’t feel that she could extend any more care outward for a living thing in that period because she had lost a significant care structure in her life.I also really appreciate how you guided the session right back to the body (where it sounds like just the place she needed to spend some time). You wrote, “We talked about her dad and she cried. We talked about the trauma of his death. We used the body to feel what was coming up. We worked with soul retrieval and healing the inner child that had been wounded from the death. But mainly, we both just cried”. What a beautiful opportunity for both of you honor what was up for her, and to allow both of your humanness’ to just be fully accepted. It sounds to me like she probably felt a ton of support and care coming from you, as well, which is something she was longing for in the first place.
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Wow, Kaity, what a rich and powerful experience to read! Thanks so much for sharing; I got a lot of value out of this post. Right off the bat, I’m struck by, as Mandy articulated, how well you tracked your client in the different stages she was going back and forth through in your time together. It seems really clear that you knew just where she was starting to edge toward contemplation, and where she fell back into pre.
Something that jumped out at me in reading your post was how much it seemed like your client really did need a lot of grounding. The fact that she even started to have a panic attack during your short time together speaks to this need vividly! It is great to hear that you saw this need and were able to get her into a place of resource so quickly. It sounds to me like she would benefit greatly from a toolbelt of ways to stay grounded and away from the airy confusion of precontemplation she seems to be experiencing.
Lastly, I TOTALLY feel you on the enmeshment potential that arose in this session. I applaud your awareness in seeing the possibility of getting attached to her outcome due to your shared experiences; that feels like the most important piece for you to have in order to still show up fully as yourself while not falling prey to the “shoulding” that could happen in this situation! Awesome post, my friend.
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Rachel,
I so enjoyed reading your experience with this client! I can totally picture you going on this open-ended and supportive exploration right along with her (that’s the kind of coach you are!). I found it so interesting that she had such an aversion to going into the emotional stuff after having “done that” in her year of therapy. I think you hit the nail on the head when you asserted that she “spent a long time with her therapist learning about her ‘issues and patterns’ and feeling shitty about them”. It would make a ton of sense to me that she was avoiding going into a more emotional space because she felt shame for everything that came up for her in therapy. I wouldn’t want to revisit that space again if I were her and that was my experience! But it sounds like you brought a profound acceptance into her understanding of these patterns, and I really believe that makes all the difference in creating intentional new neural pathways. It sounds to me that you are really helping her grasp on to a more sustainable model of change through the exercises you engaged in. This sounds like a session filled with “aha!” moments.
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Kaity,
It was so awesome to read that your client organically started using some of her own resources in the threshold! It just brought to mind that our systems are all geared toward health, and the arrival of your clients own personal resourcing (in what I’m just assuming was not initially pretexted by you as a guide) is a testament to the fact that we often have these – for better or worse – without even realizing it.
I love that once her resources arose, you used what we learned this week to reinforce and emphasize them, instead of needing to come up with a whole new set of things for her to use. It really shows your astute ability to remain present with your clients and whatever comes up, and not try to create a journey for them. Great post!
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Thanks for sharing your experience, Heber! It was great to get a closer view of how you processed the section of the intensive, and how you are working with it with clients and friends in what sound like some pretty tender moments!
I’m glad you brought up the point about how the use of nature as a resource is such a good one and why that is. It also struck me as a deceptively simple way to calm the nervous system, and I had wondered about the biological implications. I like your comment about being out in nature encouraging a wide-angle view, and how that can move someone away from arousal. I’m also thinking back to when, one day with Katie, we used all different “ways of seeing” (including deep and sharp focus on one aspect of a natural feature) to practice resourcing. I’m now wondering if there are many ways, both wide-angle and focused attention, in which one can find their particularly helpful mode of nature resourcing. Perhaps it depends on the individual? Thanks for opening the door to this question!
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Rachel,
This coaching relationship strikes me as such a rich one, but for you and for him! What a great opportunity to be so open and vulnerable with each other, and thus, further establish that trust which is so imperative to doing really transformative work together. Piggybacking off of Mandy’s post, it sounds like you were really able to dip into educator mode for a bit, and it sounds like the wisdom you shared with him really gave him some solid tools, and even permission, to go deeper into the practice of partswork.
A section of your writing which really struck me was when you said, “He’s someone who likes to act act act, and is wanting to slow down enough to ground himself and act from his center more. So I think a framework outlining that “pre-contemplation, contemplation, and planning” are all important steps will help him feel as though he IS taking the right step”. I love that you’re working with the client where he’s at, and giving him the tools necessary to move away from conditioned tendencies toward a way of being which is closer in line with the life he’s envisioning. It sounds like giving him this framework as a jumping off point may allow him to see his patterns a bit more deeply. Thank you for sharing! I’m definitely interested in hearing what has progressed with this client since these sessions a while back.
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Rachel,
This coaching relationship strikes me as such a rich one, but for you and for him! What a great opportunity to be so open and vulnerable with each other, and thus, further establish that trust which is so imperative to doing really transformative work together. Piggybacking off of Mandy’s post, it sounds like you were really able to dip into educator mode for a bit, and it sounds like the wisdom you shared with him really gave him some solid tools, and even permission, to go deeper into the practice of partswork.
A section of your writing which really struck me was when you said, “He’s someone who likes to act act act, and is wanting to slow down enough to ground himself and act from his center more. So I think a framework outlining that “pre-contemplation, contemplation, and planning” are all important steps will help him feel as though he IS taking the right step”. I love that you’re working with the client where he’s at, and giving him the tools necessary to move away from conditioned tendencies toward a way of being which is closer in line with the life he’s envisioning. It sounds like giving him this framework as a jumping off point may allow him to see his patterns a bit more deeply. Thank you for sharing! I’m definitely interested in hearing what has progressed with this client since these sessions a while back.
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Mandy,
Man, I so enjoyed reading this, and I totally echo Rachel’s admiration for how well you tracked your client through his oscillation between pre- and contemplation. I know in moments when I’ve experienced something similar with clients, I’ve found it to be really confusing – it’s like we’ve gotten somewhere new, and to take a step back can be jarring or unmooring as a coach (especially when we’re, too, still learning). Way to stay with him throughout that!
A section of your writing that really resonated with me was: “To me it seems imperative to include some education around how the brain functions, how we are wired neurologically, and how change happens so that our clients can understand where they are in the process. This helps them understand why they are experiencing the behaviors they are and it helps to normalize their experience to date”. I can’t agree with this more! Especially with clients who are new to the whole world of personal growth/development, or”rewiring your brain”, I’ve found it to be massively helpful to serve as an educator at times. In our practices which can sometimes feel subtle, new, or foreign, laying down some scientific evidence to validate what they’re going through can be really grounding for clients. Thanks for sharing this experience!
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Thanks for posting, Mandy! I read this article a few weeks back, and found it really sobering and motivating. I totally agree with your reaction to reading it. I’m happy to be reminded of the things she talked about 🙂
As a sidenote, I belong to her (the author’s) facebook group and mailing list, and have found a lot of intriguing info and insights into what other coaches are up to and how the business side of things can look. I recommend if anyone is interested in something like that!
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Rachel, what a joy it was to read about how you worked with this client, and how y’all had such a sweet crescendo threshold after laying that groundwork! It sounds like you both really put the time and energy into getting to see some of these parts from different angles, so that eventually, she could have this amazing moment of realizing the power she holds as an individual (apart from the Husband Tree). I loved where you said, “Our experiment was lovely – she approached this power tree by meandering along the roots and I got to make a step with my hands to boost her up into the tree where she could feel her own clarity and power radiating. It was a simultaneously wonderful experiment for me because as I danced around the tree below her, celebrating her shining, I realized I was living out my own experiment of what I hope to do as a coach! not become anyone else’s power, but rather give them the one step up they need to stand in their radiance”. Reading this, I’m struck by how well you seemed to blend the concepts of Gestalt (showing up fully in your personhood) with strong partswork; you got to celebrate her in a way that seemed so true to you, while she was able to be supported and go toward her power! Very heartwarming 🙂
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Mandy, awesome to read how you’re able to find a sense of flow with the session, even when things look a bit confusing (like a client not knowing which part is speaking!). I’m getting such a sense of you following your powerful intuition from what you’ve written. You said, “Through this process, I’ve witnessed myself being more and more in the allowing state as the coach, meeting what arises in the moment and moving with the flow of the session. I’m learning to listen on a different level, to hear different voices and tones as the client speaks, and to be super curious about the different parts that may be a part of the conversation”. This feels so much like the deepest possible listening that we’ve talked about all throughout the intensives, and it’s so inspiring to see that you’re grasping on to that deeper awareness and are able to share that with clients! It seems to me that these cues from clients can be so incredibly quiet and subtle sometimes, so it takes such a tuned-in state of being from the coach to be open to these signs.