[Kent-Singing Panther]

Mandy, I love the idea of “parts cards!” I might have to steal that one 🙂

[Kent-Singing Panther]

Thanks for posting, Ivy. I have not been working with art as of late though it keeps coming to mind. Today I felt attracted to give a reply to your post and as I opened the forum it struck me that the picture you drew for me for our last talk was making sense. I wish I could post it here for others to see, but the point is that you had an attraction to create, and share, the drawing with me. Of course you had no way of knowing whether or not it would impact me but you followed your souls guidance and offered yourself as a vessel for something both within you, and beyond you, to speak through you. The post I shared with you is giving me some language to work with to decipher the drawing. Back to the drawing; I see those roundish green-yellow images as cells. The large one on the left I see as an energy/power/light/song both outside of myself and also within myself. The large cell is moving with the energy that is spiraling upward and creating a kind of vortex that is pulling me (the 3 smaller cells) toward the larger cell and we begin our dance toward the gateway of the Great Song being played in the Universe and I am part of this orchestra, as are you and all of us who are listening to the pull of the song!

As I re-read the post I sent you and look at your drawing, I feel a deep, deep gratitude. The changes within me are happening at a cellular level. The power within me is unifying with the power outside of me in ways I may not be able to comprehend, but trust that it is happening. Nature is transforming my story and the story that will follow me. I am cell in the greater story being told and in the greater song being sung! What an incredible truth to sense, feel and know within me!

[Kent-Singing Panther]

My client has been like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly over the last year or so. She has approached me several times in the past simply thanking me for being me because it encouraged her to seek out who she really is. The past 6 months or so have really taken a turn for her in ways neither of us saw coming. First, she believes that she had a deep, kindred soul connection with a man other than her husband and it really frightened her. She was terribly distraught with feelings of guilt and shame for having such intense feelings toward this individual; feelings she does not have toward her husband.
This incident created a catalyst for the events that are unfolding now as she is in the midst of pursuing a divorce; not because of the relationship with the other man, but because she never really knew herself. And it was that unknown self that made the decision a long time ago, to marry her highschool sweetheart. Now, as she describes what she calls “signs from the universe,” she sounds like a different person; an alive person who doesn’t want to live a false life anymore.
Since I’ve known her she has been very gentle, quiet, and sweet, but now it is like she is on fire! I love seeing the light in her eyes and hearing the roar in her voice, but there is a sense of sorrow at the same time. Sorrow because a family is becoming undone, seemingly out of the blue. Few people besides myself hold the confidentiality of this situation, and so the rumor of divorce is very surprising to the couples family and friends.
The choice she is making to leave her husband has understandably been difficult. She doesn’t want to leave him, or their children, broken. At the same time she believes it is the right thing for her to do and she cannot tone down what her soul has been saying. She struggles a bit to determine what she would like coaching on for this session…there is just so much going on.
Sensing a lot of confusion within her, I tell her it’s okay that she doesn’t know yet and that I want to celebrate this new fire she feels in her soul. Conversation goes back and forth from her head to her heart so I ask her to be still for a moment, take a few deep breaths and focus on what sensations she is feeling in her body in the moment. She describes a sensation of having almost a light, tingling sensation all over her body. I ask her to continue to feel that and see what happens. She describes and increase in the sensation and reports that she “feels like I’m on fire or something.” She describes a feeling of having rapidly increased energy, almost to a point of euphoria. I reflect her words, emotions, and I tell her I can see her energy rise up like a Phoenix. I celebrate with her, this new found passion and fire that has always been within her!
I sense in this state of euphoria that she is beginning to transcend the moment so I ask her if she is willing to spend a moment sensing what is around her; her feet on the floor, body in the chair, hands on her lap, sounds in the room, etc. I told her I felt honored to witness such a powerful experience and be a part of this celebration of rediscovery!
In the past her and I have discussed “peak experiences” and through some deep questioning she recognized how she will often desire, and depend on, those experiences to get her through her current struggle(s). I acknowledged that it is perfectly normal to desire those experiences and that they often provide powerful catalysts to the next stages of awareness. I begin a line of questioning in relation to how these powerful experiences and “signs from the universe” came about. My effort is to help her discover which beliefs she is holding on to and which she is letting go. She begins to describe several “signs” from what she gives various names to, i.e. “Universe, God, Creator, Mystery.” From her past I know that she tended to Protestant Christianity, though religion is something she has been questioning a lot. I get the sense that in her descriptions of these signs and experiences there is very much an element of predetermined destiny and possible self-deception; that a force is giving her all of these signs and making her feel that she should divorce her husband. I question further to help her determine whether the decisions she is making, or wants to make, are coming from within the soul or from a belief that there is a force orchestrating her choices. I shared some of my own experiences of the times I would go around looking for a “sign” and would even make them up because I was so desperate for an answer. My experience resonated with her and she admitted that she has waited for another sign rather than making her own choice. This leads her back to talking about the very real possibility of divorce.
The word divorce landed very hard. Her demeanor changes; her eyes and head lower and confusion sets in once again. “I don’t know, I don’t know” she repeats. I can see when she’s speaking from her heart and when she’s speaking from her head, and she’s going around and around. I ask her to pause and sense what divorce is like in her body. She describes a tightness in her throat and chest. I ask “what choice do you want to make right now?” She paused and said, “I need to wait.” I asked her how that choice felt and she said she felt “at ease.” There was no tightness or tension in her throat or chest, however, she then went back into her head and I stopped her and asked if she was aware of what just happened. She seemed slightly puzzled so I reflected what I saw happen; that when she said she need to wait, there was a sense of ease that I could also see on her face and in her demeanor, but as soon as she began talking into the future that ease left and was replaced with more head talk and “I don’t know.” She immediately knew that was the case and even seemed excited about becoming more aware of how claiming her choices makes her feel at ease versus thinking about all the possibilities, and worrying about everyone else’s feelings, which causes sensations of anxiety in her body.
At this point we had reached the hour mark and so I asked her what she was going to do with her desire to “wait.” I asked her how she needed to BE to wait and suggested that she take some time to wander in nature and allow nature to help her during this period of the unknown. I shared some tools with her for ways she can keep grounded and open her awareness. She connected with a tree trunk and talked about how the tree’s roots were like her past and that it’s painful to dig up those roots. The branches of the tree she described as the future; that at the same time it’s beautiful but also causes some anxiety because she can’t see all the way up. The trunk holds these two states of mind together and she felt easy and comforted seeing herself as the trunk. I encouraged her to open up all of her senses to the trunk; she touched it, and pointed out all the intricacies she could feel and see. She smelled it and put her ear to it. Finally she wrapped her arms around it and shed some tears…”I need to be this tree trunk right now and I feel strong. Whatever the wind blows I know I can handle it and my strength comes from my freedom and power to choose.”

[Kent-Singing Panther]

Works for me. Taco Tuesday?

[Kent-Singing Panther]

Zak and I won’t be in until later Sunday evening and flying out Friday.

[Kent-Singing Panther]

In summary, I think what I’ve garnered the most from this module is the feeling and act of taking control of my life. Now, “control” is a tricky word, but for me I think it means responsibility and intent in regards to my basic needs/desires being grounded in purpose. For most of my adult life I have taken “control” by deliberately setting out to unlearn all the gunk that muddled up who I really am. In a slow, quiet way I questioned everything in my life and it has been my relationship with nature that has help me carve out my truths of which I can never give up. But little of that taking control had to do with vision or intentionally building anything for the future. Now my time has come for my authentic self to step through the threshold of my purpose and begin to align my purpose with my needs and desires. For the longest time I’ve felt so detached from who I am and what I do (meaning job/providing for family). I’ve even gone as far as thinking I am lazy because I wasn’t working hard enough to make more money to provide while my wife works too much to provide. Sure I’ve had times of laziness, but much of it was actually fear and some depression too. I thought to myself “if I were living close to the Earth, I would be working as hard as I could to provide for my family by hunting, gathering, growing and reaping, etc.” But I find myself living this stale, indoor life in a story that I just allowed to happen. Sometimes I think it’s a miracle that I even “found myself” in the midst of living an average American lifestyle. And that is precisely why I want to be a NCC; because I’ve learned the value of nature connecting right where I live, day to day, little by little, letting go of the old and composting the junk into something new! And I know there are many others, just like me, that feel the same way and need support. I want to be that support and I want to give my energy to that purpose, and I NEED that purpose to provide for my needs and the needs of my family.

[Kent-Singing Panther]

Wow Hannah, what a beautiful opportunity for growth for you and your client. It was awesome read how you rose up to the challenge of keeping laser like focus on your client and holding space for her after you noticed your own inner resistance as seen in this statement you made, “When I have such a big, intense, cathartic session like this with someone, I’m just reminded about how right this work feels for me. I also learned that there is a pretty big part of me that is sometimes resistant to being okay with or holding space for jumbo emotions that arise in my clients, mostly because I can start to make it about myself, and wonder how I can make their experience better or have more healing. But I realized (and I suspect that this will be a long-term tension within me) that it is their journey, their pain, and their work to resolve it. When I make it about me, that’s when healing could potentially be thwarted. It’s not about me! What a relief to realize.” That is one of the things I love most about doing this work is just trusting the process and taking my own shit out of the equation. I show up as I am for my client because this is their time and it’s not about me…a relief indeed 🙂

[Kent-Singing Panther]

Mandy, it sounds like you weaved in Gestalt really effectively with your coaching! I especially liked this statement and shouted “YES!” in my head after I read it…”It felt like I was stepping from the role of nervous new coach into the part of me that is a guide and to just showing up with my humanness. I felt for the first time in this setting a real leadership coming from me, which I think I will use when I step into the role of facilitator with the guiding and rites of passage work I’d like to do.” I love it when something “clicks” as it seems like what happened for you, and did so just by being your human self 🙂

[Kent-Singing Panther]

Rachel, the dance of your life is in, and beyond, your physical movement. Your fluidity and ability to dance freely and take risks permeates through, and into, your coaching. By your description of your session I can see you dancing with your client; moving with them, yet also guiding the next step to help keep them in rhythm. I greatly respect your intention and approach with your client; taking the time to ground yourself through the drum and song. I so appreciate how you are able to balance a sense of “getting to business” type serious nature to coaching, while maintaining a lightness throughout the process. I think that is a part of your power; like “we’re not gonna mess around, yet we’re going to enjoy this journey together.” And I adore this statement you made as it also rings so true for myself!…”I just love this. I love trusting the unknown and in this container of coaching and healing I am finding more and more confidence in it. which is also permeating my whole life, which I love.” I think I’ve said it before, but your love for the unknown was something I touched on during the last intensive, and when I named that for myself I felt like I really took up my own power in that moment.

[Kent-Singing Panther]

LOVED your post, Rachel! Man, so much energy in your words and your perception of threshold. I especially enjoyed this statement, “It feels like my favorite place to play, like this is how I play with the universe, by engaging in the unknown and trusting the larger organism to have our best interests held. It’s like dancing, with wild everything. I often feel a huge amount of love coming through me when I’m coaching someone in the threshold, and as client I may feel any wild number of sensations or emotions. And yet, as best as I can, I trust that whatever shows up is meant to.” And even more specifically, “engaging with the unknown.” What an awesome place to be. I had a similar revelation speaking to that during my significant session as client; there I was in fear of a certain unknown, but then it hit me that I am who I am because I LOVE the unknown! I love mystery and the truth that I am a cell in a much larger body that is living and breathing me to life! I am seeker who has been tracking the unknown; not to reveal it or name it, but to experience it and dance with it. And I love that you and I can play in this space together, yet have our own experience and speak our own truth of it.

[Kent-Singing Panther]

Kaity, I know whatever comes together for you will be amazing. Blending your passion for yoga, helping others and NCC is/will be restorative and transformative! Thank you for your honesty in working out your thoughts and vision.

[Kent-Singing Panther]

Brian, I think you’ve known your vision for some time but have now come to realize it! Your stories/experiences all seem to point in the direction your heading and I have no doubt of your ability to find the way to work with the really young kids and their parents. That in and of itself sounds like a very unique opportunity to give to your community. The clarity will keep coming!

[Kent-Singing Panther]

Hannah, whether you think it or not it sounds like you’ve got a good grasp on who you want to work with and what you want to do. Your post felt really grounded to me and I can totally envision you working with women in a really powerful way.

[Kent-Singing Panther]

David, I really value your vision of helping others enter through their own rites of passage. That is definitely something I wish I had when I was younger. For someone (especially a younger person) to work with someone like you in this regard is truly life changing. And your gentle, yet strong presence, humor and heart are traits that are, and will be, attractive to those who need and desire the vision you have.

[Kent-Singing Panther]

Mandy, I felt genuine excitement in my body reading your post! Not only for you but for me too! I relate so much with what you expressed and I appreciate the detail you shared and the other folks doing similar work. The creative expression coaching is also something I think I will be working with others on in teh future, but for now it’s still something I’m working on personally. Hey, maybe you can coach me 🙂