Gina Lobito
Forum Replies Created
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@maria, my response cut off. here’ the rest of the sentence:
You assist in drawing out their inner wisdom and self discovery. Reading about your client’s “dismantling of feelings of shame and old stories” is powerful.
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@Maria
“We asked each speaker to offer wisdom as to how to approach moving towards her goal of having the home she envisions. Each offered compassionate advice and wisdom, which led her to identify her big need:”I need to get rid of a bunch of junk to make space in my life, both literally and metaphorically”; and her want: “I want to find a life partner and have a family. I want to make room in my home to be a more hospitable space for people.” This was the first time she had been able to clearly identify the longing in her heart.”you do a beautiful job of weaving in partswork, powerful questioning and recognizeing what tools/skills set to bring in during a session that offers the opportunity for your client to propel themselves forward. I am inspired how using partswork assisted your client to the create a new mythic image and recognizing the want and deeper need.
You assist in drawing out their inner wisdom and self discovery. Reading about your client’s “dismantling of
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@deanna
“Looking back upon this session, I realize that my client’s past experiences (the redwood debris) serve as nutrients and a foundation for the new structure in her life (the new growth).” I love how you gudided your client to use examples or nature to represents the old self and news elf., Within that recognizing how the old self provided nutrients for the new self structure You. also do an seamless incorporation of the pendulum exercise in your sessions. I feel your session is a nice example of weaving and building on the tools offered through brain change, recognizing trauma and guiding through grief as well as your own self reflection feeling frustrated when your client was “looping back” and recognizing what was being triggered in you in that moment(s). I too have experienced a similar frustration with client looping back into the a low road. While I feel your direction of bringing body movement to assist in somehing that has not completed sequencing, it also feels that it’s a good time bring to question where the client is in their body, what is felt in the body? Particularly if she is stuck in a mental loop. Bringing the awareness the feeling of the body, see wha that may allow to open up, perhaps it would open up an opportunity for movement…all and all I love hearing your about experiences with your clients and how you gudide/and coach them. I find your sharings very supportive to my own coaching and self awareness as a coach. -
For this post I will be reflecting on a conversation with a man at the dog park.
He began expressing his frustration with Government and county’s approach to the COVID pandemic and constant change to restrictions, then spoke about changes needed within law enforcement with regard to medical retirement. He also spoke about how hard it was to know that a friends restaurant had to close, and the small business are suffering. He felt that our leaders do not consider the economic impact and loss of the small business owners. “Nothing Makes Sense” His complaints span a wide spectrum and he would vacillate. He then began expressing his frustration with schools, feeling that “no-one is doing anything about getting kids back in school” and he shared his desire for things to go back to “normal”. He later shared that his child is 11 years-old and is autistic and his and his wife are feeling the challenges of meeting their son’s needs while schooling from home. It became more clear to me he was wanting a break or some sense of support with.If he was my client, I would remind myself the importance of holding a confidential and neutral space. Taking a breathe, and pause and practicing deep listening is fundamental before I chose to respond and reflect back what he is expressing. It become clear to me he perhaps is experiencing multiple types of grief complex grief due to the Pandemic, possibly secondary grief due to the loss of his friends restaurant, and loss of special needs school structure for his son, along with the loss of the structure he once had with his work and home life balance. He would look off to the in the distance and occasionally down at his dog and stated, “I just wish we could go back to normal.”
Although, I was not formally coaching him, I did validate what he was sharing, and it sounded like he was also experience, what some are calling, Pandemic Fatigue. He said, “Yes, I am tired.” I asked him what he felt he could do to bring a sense of normalcy and self care to his day? With ease, he stated, He was thankful for the dog park, and he could be outside and relax and just be with his dog. I said that’s wonderful thing to recognize for yourself. I watched his body, soften, and he took a exhale, as he allowed himself to become more present being at the dog park. I realized he just needed to vent and decompress because everything was just piling up inside he needed a place to release it.
This reminds me that often times, the simple act of just being present and listening is all someone needs at the time. Grief, will show up is multifaceted and is connected to far more than one may realize and be aware of. For this man, he just needed to give his frustration a voice. I recognized that was all I needed to offer was deep listening, and I was very much aware of myself when wanting to interject. I just would fall back into my breath and just listen and ask what he needs in this moment to feel supported? If he did not know, I would just let him know I am here walking with him enjoying the dog park. Sometimes the physical presence of someone is just enough. That’s what this felt best for this man at this time.
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“Her family typically does not understand and is judgmental when it happens, so she reaches out to me. Without judgement I tell her that she is loved and make sure that she is taking steps to be safe. This client also tends to experience sudden changes in mood, ranging from highs to depths of sadness. In this case, I would simply validate and normalize the roller coaster of emotions she experiences.”
Leslie, you express a beautiful example in guiding someone through grief while being mindful of not going outside of your scope of practice. You hold a space of being neutral, non-judgment, and supportive, and reminding the client that she is loved and making sure she is taking proper steps. You are also expressing your own experience of wanting “fix it” and being aware that there is nothing for you to fix, all of these experience from the client and yourself are normal. I am recognizing the power of being mindful and awareness from multiple perspectives. -
I recently met with a new client, where i could recognized an opportunity for parts work, but chose it was premature in our relationship to go down a partswork road. It was clear that we were still in a severance phase.
In a phone conversation, the client, who is also my dog walker, expressed it was important to her to be able to meet in nature, specifically outdoors (not zoom). She also requested I bring Gus, he’s my sheepadoodle. It was known to her that I often bring Gus with me when seeing clients face-to-face. We agreed to meet at the west end of a nearby park, that had a small trail of redwood trees and outdoor theater, lawn seating and elevated stone wall which defined the live grass stage. We both chose to sit on the stage. I had Gus hop up onto the stage, and he immediately greeted the client which brought her comfort and a sense of safety right of way. As I am writing this, I find it interesting to be exploring the self “on stage” with stage lights facing towards us.
Once the familiar greetings with each other and Gus were complete, I offered her a portable back rest to use for sitting and I invited the client to sit and join me in placing our bare feet in the grass to feel the earth beneath our feet. Without hesitation she excitedly placed her bare feet in the grass, I immediately, watched her body sink in and calm down. I explained to her that by placing our feet directly on the earth assist out bodies in grounding. I invited her to take few breaths together as we exhaled to let go of our morning, yesterday, what may be going on later in the day and to allow to just be hear, face feeling the sun agains her face, and the damp grass resting against her feet. We reset or established our relationship as a Coach/Guide and Client. I did remind her that I am a guide/coach through her own process and I will offer reflections through questions as well as bring awareness to possible themes and everything that is said remains confidential.Excited to get started, the client just started talking, expressing that she would like to be more in a state of doing instead of thinking. She recognizes that she is constantly thinking and “stuck in her head” She expressed how she’s busy running the dog daycare business, trying to keep the house running, and wished her family would appreciate a clean house in the way she does. As I continued to let her speak, she expressed how she grew up, in home that was once clean, but once her mother began working, the household become dirty, cluttered, unkept, to the point there were roaches in the home. She stated she had so much shame and embarrassment growing up, she would not have friends over. To this day, if sees a roach, she wants to vomit. She expressed the feeling of “shame” multiple times during the session, even when speaking about her own home, if it was not clean in the way she wanted it, while at the same time recognizing she’s afraid, since she’s running a business, she fears becoming like her mother.
In the interest of focussing on partswork, hypothetically, I could reflect back to the client that I noticed the expression of “shame” multiple times and ask the client what part of her feels shame. This could provide an opportunity for the client to speak from that part of her. I feel “shame” is more the expression of the part of her she feels is not able to be expressed fully. Perhaps, this exploration, the client could discovery the neurological pattern that has been set and created when her mother began working and aloud the house to become unkept and dirty and the emotions and feelings that developed during that time. I could ask that part of herself if it’s true today for her and her household? It’s could create the opportunity for the client to bring awareness to the present and set a new pathway, and allow the connection to that part of herself that would like to be epxressed more fully and give to her whole system in a more effective way. I would asked that part of her what it would like to speak to you. Depending the way the that part of the client responds would indicate how connected to that part of herself she is. If the client was exhibiting a disconnect, meaning speaking more in 3rd person, or breaking contact in some way, I could bring awareness to my observation, and provide an opportunity for the client to return to the 1st person, and perhaps an there is an opportunity to bring the “soul” in and explore if the clients speaking from soul to the other part of herself would bring clarity of the purpose or role of that part of herself and how to allow that part of herself to be more fully expressed.
I feel as a coach exploring parts work can enhance the experience in providing creating a space for a client to have a deeper relationship with the self while also creating the potential to leading amore authentic life.
Partswork as the potential to assist a client in setting themself free from potential limiting beliefs, or just an opportunity in collaborating with other parts of themself to adjust they way the client leads their way in life. There is wisdom in the parts of ourselves that we are not the most comfortable in using or listening to.
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Maria, thank you for sharing your experience with your client. It depicted a fluid example an opportunity to use partswork during a client session. I loved witnessing in your sharing the recognition of the inner light house and the physical act of sitting in the sun was your client connecting to his inner light. in your sharing you depicted a beautiful pendulation between moving to and from soul and the “voice” which lead your client to a deeper understanding of what this ‘voice’ represented for him and the role it is playing for him in his own awareness in wanting chose something different in his life as he moves forward in his business.
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@deanna. I recently had this pattern of wanting to make things easy for others brought to my awareness. I feel at this point, recognize there is a part of me likes when there is ease and simplicity, but also values when I am in service and celebrate when others transform their life. As I am writing this, doing for or “fixing” for others, feels more about myself wanting to thanked and acknowledge, kind of like hey, “look what I did for you” There is a subtle expectation of acknowledgement and sharing part of someones success. Ummm.That’s sounds a bit self centered and egoic…I feel there is also a part of me that just wants the client to “get it” and “wake up.” I had not realized that before, operating this way is so subtle and subconcious even. Um.. I am going to let this question unfold for me some more…I know there is something deeper here for me to draw wisdom from.
I stay in a place of “emotional engaged” and in the eternal now, I keep myself in a neutral state of being, allowing the client to do their thing,
Thank you for this question Deanna. 🙂
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@deana,
“emotional involvement” vs. “emotional engagement” I love this awareness. when getting emotionally involved in someones ‘story’ or life it can interfere has the potential for an adverse experience. It leads me to think about when I have found myself coming from a a place of emotional involvement rather than Engagement. I feel can set one up to be in a “fix it” mode as you described you are working with. I too share in working on that and moving away from “fix it”. I find engaging from a place when I have become emotionally involved, whether it’s coaching or in day to day life, it leaves the potential for an adverse experience and taking on the responsibility of others and ultimately then I can become someone to be blamed for their choices and outcomes in their life.
With coaching, I find emotional involvement can interfere with maintaining the ICF Core competencies and being successful in coaching presence, a co-creating space, possibly ethical issues can arise. I found when I observe myself becoming “emotional involved” I then become attached to the outcome, no longer neutral. Leave the potential for confluence to occur.
Recognizing when I come from a place of “emotional engagement” and can maintain self awareness, coaching presence, deeper listening and still express empathy and showing up fully for the client.
In any event, this awareness to “emotional involvement” vs emotional engagement” has brought up a lot for me to think about and recognize in my day to day and coaching. Thank you for bringing this topic up.
It also makes me think about Leslie’s response of practicing being in the eternal now, and how she expressed experiencing less stress by living in the now. I imagine “emotional engagement” and practicing being in the enter now would compliment sustaining stronger good coaching presence during a session.
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@Leslie,
“I’m curious, how has your focus on awareness impacted your interactions with the citizens you meet with? What changes or differences do you see in those interactions, if any?”
My focus on awareness supports me staying more present and more neutral. It also as supporting me to recognize when someone may have their own agenda, which has the potential to detract from the purpose and goals of the meeting (building community and education toward common goal). I find myself recognize when I might have the potential to lead from an emotional state while hearing criticism, then I can take a breath and return to center I can either address the person by finding the words to acknowledge and state, something, like thank you for the insight, that’s not the purpose of todays discussion. We can discuss your concern off line.
I also am finding the willingness of the citizens to engage more, by allowing the space to hear them, and also allow the meetings to evolve based on their questions and interactions. I am seeing changes. I recently, in a small interaction with a potential block captain, brought new awareness to her own prejudice she had of police and law enforcement. This potential for expanded perception and understanding of first responders, particularly law enforcement, especially in todays climate, excites me that change is very possible from from public perception as well as from law enforcement perspective. I am reminded of a pendulum, and it swings based on the emotions, and beliefs of society and the past that lives within people.
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@ Leslie,
“When I allow myself to be in the Eternal Now as a coach, I suspend that need to fix, that tendency to constantly be looking toward what comes next. The longer I stay in the eternal now, the more I am able to create space for silence, pause, and reflection. Thus, the more opportunity there is for curiosity and co-creation.”
I love this realization you shared, I too can resonate with the wanting to “fix” and look for “what’s next” thank you for recognizing the power of staying in the “eternal now” and everything else mentioned in the above exert from your post. The opportunity for co-creation is a beautiful process and feeling to be a part of, witness, and observer of the self and with another. As you are gaining more practice in the space of the “eternal now” how have you felt yourself change?
Gina
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While I have not practicing the Gestalt principle with a client, I have been able to practice them during a Community Meetings which I host through work. I currently am assigned to Crime Prevention Unit. Part of my duties is Community Outreach which involves fostering relationships between the community and police department and education. Holding these meetings can come with innate challenges of addressing the perceptions and expectations the public has for law enforcement. Often times, part of these meetings is education the public. Often times what they believe to be true is not based on fact or what is. Often times it’s mis-information or what perception of what Law Enforcement is or is not.
While conducting these meetings, I found it has been extremely helpful to put the Main two Gestalt Principles into practice: (1) Awareness of myself and the person(s); and Applying Long Pause.
The Awareness piece as come in very handy as I can practice as I recognize and Introjection, Projection; Deflection; and Retroflection may be occurring from a citizen or even myself. Being in a public service, I experience Deflection the most from the public. Wanting an external factor, in this case the police, to fix their problems, but not willing to understand what the role of law enforcement is. There some issues, such as homeless and transient, that requires certain things to be in place, such as housing, before Law Enforcement can admonish a person from public areas. There are many logistics involved which gives the perception that Law Enforcement is “not doing anything.” When I hear blanket statements such as this, it’s challenging not to take it personal. Putting into practice Awareness of myself as well as, in this case a citizen, is extremely helpful to me. In conjunction with a pause before responding, it’s an opportunity to listen, reflect back to the citizen their concern, then answer the question and educate and empower them about the process.
Where I get to practice awareness, deep listening, and build on a maintaining a strong presence throughout the length of these meetings, which often times run about 1 1/2 hours, I can see this is supporting me when I put these skills into practice during a coach session. The difference, would be to bring awareness to the client and create the dynamic and experiential component that Gestalt offers so beautifully. Instead of answer questions and giving answers as I would for a community meeting; with a client I would asking powerful questions and allowing (with the pause) the inner awareness and unfolding of the self to occur. As in these community meetings, wrapping up the end of the meetings, which often times leads to the agenda for the next meeting, I can apply this in a coaching session with a client, giving space for the client to close out the session together and live room for their agenda and potential contract until we meet in the follow up session.
Also, I found using the Gestalt principles is supporting me in moving within the stages of ceremony with more ease, and less inclination to control what happens, and just allow it to flow, and hold the space within the parameters and agreement set forth prior to the session commencing. This holds true, for the community meetings as well.
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Maria,
thank you for the questions. For me the inclination of moving the body is very natural, but also done with purpose. I enjoy feeling the earth beneath my feet, and brining attention to the sensation of cool grass, or dry dirt, roughness or smoothness of a rock…it’s tactile. I found when I invite a client into an exercise, it’s with the invitation and opens based on what they are presenting to me and expressing. Then I invite the client if they would like try an exercise with me. I am not drawn to any particular one exercise per se, so much as I am drawn to what presents itself and feels right in the moment; applying exercises to a client, well, I am reminded to meet me the client where he/she is at, not where I want he/she to be. Not, that you asked me to share my thoughts of your client; however, if the client wants to sit and talk… that’s where they feel safe an empowered and I hold the space for that, trust, if and when there is an opportunity to bring awareness to the body I do, but it would be in accordance to where the client is. I could even move myself and ask the client, hey do you mind, I need to move a little, would you mind walking with me for a moment why we continue…then the body is moving, the client is still speaking, but not because I was trying to impose anything. It’s subtle and and gets physical and energetic movement, without the client thinking about it…. particularly if you have a client that’s in the “head” more than in the body. It reminds of karate kid, Wax on …Wax off…He is learning through tasks, not realizing what he is learning and training the body… -
There are so many take-aways- from this toolbox, so much new information for me. One of the main take-aways from this session is I am reminded of the innate wisdom to heal and self sooth that is inherently within us and around us. As coach or client there are times we need a little reminder of our ability to support ourselves. Recognizing the resources that already exist within my life and the clients life is important piece to the foundation that supports recognizing where I am at within myself, preparing for a client and so forth. Also for the client to recognize what already exist for them self. Also, as David expressed during the webinar, it may be helpful to know what the clients resources are in preparation for working with the client. It may enhance the coaching ability and knowing what the client may be comfortable with. Resourcing and somatic exercises really stands out and is something I would like to continue to explore when working with clients. I found it supportive to recognize symptoms of trauma, and how subtle these symptoms may be expressed. Having the ability to guide a client to more self awareness through use of somatic exercises guiding them from limbic state to a cognitive state is very powerful. Remember that working with TRAUMA does not have to be big scary. Trauma already exist within all of us. Recognizing the trigger and having awareness of what is being experienced in the moment and just meet it, meet your client, and myself in the present moment. Remembering there is nothing to fix, we are already whole.
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James,
Thank you for sharing your experience with threshold and how sometimes that can be healthy or unhealthy. What a wonderful realization of the importance of severance process and ritual.. By remembering each component of guiding and coaching has purpose. I am reminded of how intuitive you are the patience you show clients during a coaching/guiding session. Just that there is nowhere to rush the client to, and you bring wisdom of your own experiences in addition to knew learning through EBI. It’s beautiful growth I witness as you becoming more confident in coaching and guiding client.