[Deanna]

Initial Post:

Working with Trauma is my favorite module from the NCC course. Body-centered coaching and therapy makes most sense to me. In our intensive, I realized that I constantly sequencing trauma through my body without even consciously realizing it. I love expressing my body sensations through sounds, dance, sighs, and shaking. I am very familiar with expressing myself through my body, and I am so incredibly excited to continue to bring this into my practice with my clients.

I utilize the information from the Trauma intensive in nearly all my sessions. I typically open my coaching sessions with a resourcing practice, such as a body scan meditation or connecting the body with the ground. Starting sessions with a resource helps both my client and my self drop deeper into the present moment. I also love to connect my client’s with their body when they speak about a past story or mythic image. I ask them to express their story or deeper need through their body movement, and I mirror them. I have them sequence the trauma from their past by expressing their stories through the body (i.e. shaking, vocalizing, etc). I also really love asking my clients to find something in nature that reminds them of their issue, their story, or their want and deeper need. Connecting them with the metaphors in their external environment helps them sequence the trauma and see new possibilities for their mythic image. Recently, I have been involved in offering Ecstatic Dance events to my community, and I’m really interested in integrating NCC work with Ecstatic Dance. Ecstatic Dance is usually a self-guided journey, but I’m curious about bringing NCC into the group setting in the opening circle (pre-dance) and closing circle (integration). I offered a workshop a few weeks ago in which I led everyone through the four directions and stages of life through a dance journey, then they all went on a wander on the land. It was a powerful practice and I look forward to more!

[Deanna]

Summary Post:

Brain & Change 1 made a huge impact on my coaching sessions and my personal life. I realize that I had been conditioned to focus on the negative, or the things that I don’t want, for a large part of my past. I don’t think this is particular to me; I think this is very common for people in our society. Brain & Change 1 made me realize that focusing on the things I don’t want is not actually helpful. It’s importance to recognize what isn’t working, but it’s equally (if not more) important to focus on the things we do want, and how we need to be in order to get our want. Brain & Change 1 made me truly realize the power I hold to create my future. This module also inspired me to look more into Joe Dispenza’s work on visualizations and intention. I began practicing his mediations on cultivating gratitude in the body, then feeling gratitude for the thing I want, as if it’s happening in the moment. This practice has proven to work for me, and I’m excited to bring it to my clients. I have also practiced embodying my deeper need in my ecstatic dance practice, which has also proven to be extremely powerful. This work is truly inspiring, and I’m so grateful to continue applying it to my life and my client’s lives.

[Deanna]

@david.fontaine2

Hey David, thanks for your in-depth reply. It’s fun navigating this stuff with you!
I really like your idea of bringing light to the the old personality by asking the client, “how did those behavior serve you in the past?” I think this is an excellent idea, and I definitely want to ask this to my clients in the future! In asking this question, we are helping our clients change their narrative about the past. We are helping them re-wire their perspective on the memory, and re-wire the memory itself. So cool! Similar to how story-telling an uncomfortable memory while being in nature or a peaceful/enjoyable setting creates new positive associations with the past memory, and re-wires the memory. Thanks for bringing this all to my attention!

@gmlobito1

Hey Gina, thanks for your response to my post. I also really enjoyed reading your post about holding space for the man at the park. So many people are feeling exactly what the man was describing (including myself at times), so it’s really beautiful that you are so well resourced and equipped to hold space and support people in that way. I am also inspired by the space you held for that man. What a gift to give right now!
Thank you for your idea on asking the client, “what do you feel in your body?” as they loop. I think that asking the client what they feel in their body when they loop back to the memory or thought, then pendulating to the resource, is a wonderful way to help them sequence that stuck grief/trauma. Thank you so much for your insight!

[Deanna]

@david.fontaine2

Hey David, thanks for your in-depth reply. It’s fun navigating this stuff with you!
I really like your idea of bringing light to the the old personality by asking the client, “how did those behavior serve you in the past?” I think this is an excellent idea, and I definitely want to ask this to my clients in the future! In asking this question, we are helping our clients change their narrative about the past. We are helping them re-wire their perspective on the memory, and re-wire the memory itself. So cool! Similar to how story-telling an uncomfortable memory while being in nature or a peaceful/enjoyable setting creates new positive associations with the past memory, and re-wires the memory. Thanks for bringing this all to my attention!

[Deanna]

Initial Post:

The Grief and Loss module has been very relevant to my sessions, personal relationships, and life overall. I notice an openness in myself to being with my own grief, as well as grief in others.

I would like to share about a new client who has expressed grief around her “old self” and stepping into a new way of being. I feel that this context can apply for any of our coaching clients.

I met with this client for the first time about a month ago. She wants to launch her massage and bodywork business, and reached out to me because she is curious about bringing nature-connection into her work. We are doing trade with one another (lucky me)!

In our first session, she told me her life story. She teared and cried when she told me about the pain and suffering that she has been through, and the self-destructive decisions that she has made. She identified a lot of beliefs that are no longer serving her and that she is ready to step-out-of. She is clearly in a transition towards a new way of being.

I asked her if she saw anything in the landscape that could represent her “old self” and “new self”. She put together a pile of redwood debris to represent her “old self”, and t represent her “new self”, she created a new pile of redwood debris with a stick structure on top. She said that her new self still contained redwood debris because she is not leaving those experiences behind, but unlike the old self, her new self has structure. She realized that she needs more structure in her life.

Looking back upon this session, I realize that my client’s past experiences (the redwood debris) serve as nutrients and a foundation for the new structure in her life (the new growth). In the session, I saw my client pendulating between grief around her old ways of being, and empowerment over her new way of being. I held space for her grief, while also empowering her in her new mythic image. However, I see where I could be improved in this session. I remember feeling a desire to focus on her new mythic image, and looking back on the session, I feel like I could have given more space to her grief. My client is a very verbal person, and can loop on her thoughts, so I remember feeling slightly judgmental and impatient that my client was looping on her grief. I responded to her looping by focusing the session back to the new mythic image. However, looking back, maybe her “looping” was an indication that the grief needed to be sequenced. I understand that focusing her attention back on the new mythic image could have been a form of pendulation, but I’m not sure it worked well, because it was coming from my slight frustration and impatience (my own traumas). My client continued to loop, so it’s clear that something needed to be processsed. Going forward, I am curious about introducing other methods for sequencing the grief when I notice that my clients go into looping mode. This could include releasing through body movement, gestalt therapy, creating art on the land, or identifying aspects of the landscape that represent the grief. Going forward, I would like to continue working on the pendulation tool.

I am curious to hear what you all think about sequencing trauma from grief, and how to keep a balance between being with grief and moving forward. It’s definitely an art!

[Deanna]

Hi everyone,

It’s so sweet to connect with you all in this space. I miss you all!

@mariarosagalter

Reading your post gives me the chills. The session with your client is very inspiring to read. I love how you incorporated nature into your client’s story, and encouraged interaction with the deadfall. The simple interaction of moving towards, or skirting around, the deadfall was clearly a groundbreaking realization for your client. I always appreciate reading how you incorporate the external landscape into your sessions, because you seem to do so with such ease and trust. I am inspired by the thought that grief (the deadfall) can be “decomposed” and in-turn a source of nutrients for transformation.

@david.fontaine2

You wrote, “We can’t create a new way of being during times of distress.
There is pain to be processed.” This is a very important reminder. As a coach, sometimes I can get excited about discovering the new mythic image and new way of being, but I am reminded that the process of identifying the new mythic image is slow when grief is involved. Actually, I suppose grief is always involved when we step into a new way of being, but the timeline can vary depending on the grief and loss.

I am personally inspired to work with people who are experiencing collective grief from the climate crisis, and helping them process grief as a doorway for cultivating a nature-connected mindset and way of being. Your words remind me that my clients and I cannot bypass grief in order to step into a nature-connected world. It’s a necessary part of the paradigm shift.

@lesliewier

Leslie, it’s so beautiful that you hold that space for your friend. I am also working on my desire to “fix it”. For me, I know that wanting to “fix it” can come from a place of love and care for others, but I mostly feel like it’s a conditioned response to avoiding pain. I have also been reading the Untethered Soul (which has been blowing my mind by the way). In reading that book, I have taken a lot of time to observe my thoughts, and I have found that my mind has discovered a way to observe my thoughts as a way of avoiding pain! Tricky mind! So, I’m now working on observing while also allowing myself to FEEL discomfort. It’s a new experience for me.

[Deanna]

First, I have a question for us all: If parts are neural circuits, and we have the ability to shift and change our neural circuitry (neuroplasticity), then can parts be die? I know that Michael specifically said that parts do not die or go away, but I know that neural connections can die (if you don’t use it, you lose it), so this seems like a contradiction to me. Maybe the answer is that parts change/transform, but the part itself doesn’t fully die. Still, I am confused, because transformation requires death. I’m curious to hear all of your thoughts on this.

I have used partswork with clients and it has proven to be effective in many cases. However, when working with teens (ages ~15-17), I am challenged with partswork sessions. The teens usually leave the session with a better understanding of the different parts of themselves, but lack the “integration” of parts that typically comes from the end of a partswork session. They often still feel the parts in battle with one another. I feel my observations can be attributed to their brain development stage. I am curious how I may utilize partswork to benefit teens beyond simply gaining a greater awareness of the different parts of themselves. I am curious how I can possibly facilitate integration of their parts, without inputing my advice. Maybe the integration process takes longer for teens than adults, and I need to be more patient.

I do have one 17-year old teen girl client who can exhibit a lot of confidence in coming up with her own answers and listening to her intuition. Our recent partswork session was mostly successful, which I think can be attributed to her deep connection with self and intuition. In the session, she expressed wanting deeper connections with friends (specifically women) in her life. However, she felt held back from her desire to “hermit” and her fear of rejection. We explored three parts of her: (1) Hermit, (2) Shadow, and (3) Berry. We assigned each of her parts to a different part of the land. Hermit was a hole in the ground, Shadow was the thorns on a berry bush, and Berry was the blackberries on the bush. She spoke from the perspective of each part, and moved around the land to embody each one. In summary, we uncovered that “Shadow” wants to be received with love by others, wants attention from others, and pushes others away when she doesn’t feel love from them. “Hermit” wants to relax, but maybe relaxes too much. Hermit noticed the need for balance between relaxation time and social time (from “Berry” part). “Berry” wants to reach out to friends, and knows the value of having friends in her life, especially women friends.

In the end, my client came to a moment of integration between her parts. She decided that she can create better balance between Hermit and Berry, and that Berry can speak with Shadow to make her feel more safe around other people. We did not have much time from this point forward, so the incorporation of our session was not the best. In the future, I would utilize my time better to allow for a longer incorporation time.

[Deanna]

@mariarosagalter
Hi Maria, I really enjoyed reading about your session. Reading about your client’s issue was really helpful for me on a personal level, and reading about your response to his issue was insightful for my coaching. I see that you naturally collaborate with nature and flow through the coaching ceremony. I love that the session started out with your client being in a part of himself that was empowering and confident (his “lighthouse” part), and that he was able to work with the “voice” from there- a beautiful partswork pendulation example! I also love how direct collaboration with the land assisted your client in embodying his parts and uncovering internal wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing!

@gmlobito1
I love how Gus played a big role in making your client feel safe! I am curious to hear more on why you didn’t bring partswork into the session. I understand that the client was new, and I imagine that you wanted to focus on building trust. What specifically made you choose to not go into partswork, even if used for severance? I am curious how the rest of the session went after she shared her story. I think your ideas for bringing partswork into sessions would go well for your client in the future!

[Deanna]

@lesliewier
@gmlobito1

Thanks Leslie and Gina- I’ve really enjoyed this discussion! I am going to post my Summary, but I would love to continue pondering our thoughts on this forum (if it feels organic of course).

Summary Post:

I think Leslie summed it up with the words, “awareness is like an onion.” Our Gestalt section has shown me that awareness is powerful. Awareness leads to organic self-transformation. In other words, when we are not aware of our inner voices/thoughts/feelings, our limbic system takes the show. But, by simply being aware of our inner voices/thoughts/feelings, we are activating our prefrontal cortex, which causes our brain/body/mind to naturally resolve any issues (note for Cohort 20- you will be talking about the brain science in your next intensive).

As a coach, one of our main jobs is helping clients become aware of themselves and their inner voices. According to Gestalt, after bringing awareness into a session, us coaches can offer an experiment that matches the desired “want” or “deeper need” for the client. All of this work requires coaches to hold a strong space of safety, presence, and empathy, while also holding a barrier with the client (not getting emotionally involved). As someone beautifully voiced in our intensive, it’s like getting into the fish tank with a gold fish. You see, feel, and attempt to understand and experience their world, but you don’t become the goldfish. You maintain your separateness.

In a sense, us coaches can BE the awareness that the clients are missing within themselves. By gracefully pointing out our awareness of their experience, we can activate a client’s own awareness. This process of activating a client’s awareness sounds incredibly simple as I write it, but it can be challenging. My main challenge right now is maintaining emotionally engagement instead of involvement. I understand that emotional engagement requires me to be aware and present with myself in addition to full awareness and presence with my client. If I am triggered in a session, I must be aware of that, and take appropriate action to not let my triggered part drive the session. Partswork feels like a helpful tool for “taking action” when a part of me is triggered in a session. For me, the key will be to practice Gestalt and Partswork in every day interactions, so that I can strengthen my awareness, resiliency, and coaching muscles! The “Untethered Soul” book has been a very helpful tool for me, and I recommend it to anyone who hasn’t read it yet!

[Deanna]

@gmlobito1
Thanks for your insight Gina. I also notice that egoic tendency in myself, but it is subtle and I naturally tend to push that voice away, rather than facing the truth. So thanks for saying that, because it’s easier for me to become more aware of the ego voice when I know that others notice that. Also, I think it’s totally understandable that we want the client to “get it” and “wake up”; it think it points to our deep care for our clients (besides the ego). I personally think I need to work on simplly being present with my clients when they feel like they “don’t get it”, rather than jumping to trying to help or fix them. For me, I think the key is to explore that stuck/lost/discomfort (or whatever it is) with safety, because that may be the key to their awakening. However, I know that coaching focuses and attends to the “want” over the “not-want”. So lately I’ve been pondering how to guide clients in diving into discomfort while also attending to the “want”.

[Deanna]

@lesliewier
Wow, thanks for saying how the “I am I” barrier is like a “rite of passage” for new coaches. I feel like my experience is much more normal after hearing that, and I am also excited to notice that I am stepping into a new way of being as a coach. In just becoming aware of my natural tendency to mirror and empathize too much with clients, I have noticed a big shift in my coaching presence over the past week. Mandy told me the other day that when we become Aware, our brains/bodies naturally shift to resolve the issue. Simple awareness is key, and yes, definitely an onion!

Also, yes, I’ve been having the same issue with posting things. I’ve only encountered that in this particular forum.

[Deanna]

@gmlobito1
Hey Gina, thanks for your response. I agree with the implications of being emotionally “involved” vs. engaged. I also agree that emotional engagement and being in the “eternal now” are complimentary, and for me go hand-in-hand. I find that I can choose “emotional engagement” by choosing to be relaxed in the eternal now and unknown, and consistently reminding myself that my client is whole and has all their own answers within (not me). I definitely feel challenged in feeling this way with teens! I’m curious what part or parts of us feel that they want to be emotionally involved and “fix” everything for our clients.

[Deanna]

@mariarosagalter
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with your client. I am inspired to read how explaining trauma and its connection to their brain made your client feel so much hope and trust for herself. It’s clear that starting with the grounding and relaxation practice was critical for setting the tone of the session and guiding your client into “an open state”.
For clients who are not wanting to move in a session, but are clearly caught in their head, I am curious how small/micro movements might affect the session (e.g. touching the ground below their seat, wiggling their toes on the ground, feeling the air/wind against their skin, gentle swaying, etc). Similar to what @gmlobito1 said, “it’s tactile”. Also, I’m curious about brining awareness to the body sensations that are present, and awareness to how they shift or “move” with attention, even while sitting.

@david.fontaine2
David! I loved reading your session share! I am inspired in how asking your client to notice her feet while walking made such a big difference. I love how you took the somatic experiencing a step further, and asked her to find a place in her body that felt good or neutral. Then, you brought in the sacred wander, and she gained some seriously valuable insights from listening to nature. I love that you followed your intuition and took risks during the session!

[Deanna]

I am still processing the Gestalt material, so I don’t feel that I have fully applied the Gestalt “cycle of experience” in my coaching sessions yet. However, I have noticed that Gestalt has influenced my coaching and daily life in several ways. First, I have become more aware of contact boundary disturbances in my clients, myself as a coach, myself in daily life, and people outside of coaching sessions. Second, I have been questioning and exploring my “emotional involvement” vs. “emotional engagement” with clients and overall relationships in my life. Lastly, I feel that my awareness and practice of Gestalt theory has made some small, though significant, changes in my sessions with my 15-year old client.

My 15-year old client has been a challenging client for me over the last 5-months that I have worked with her. I sometimes find myself getting emotionally involved (instead of “engaged”), and basically losing myself in her world and triggers. I have struggled with finding the balance between being involved vs. uninvolved/distant. I logically understand the answer-emotional engagement-but putting this into practice has not been easy. However, last week I noticed a significant shift in our time together. I utilized Gestalt theory by pointing out moments of contact boundary disturbance. I did this as a friend would do- gently, lovingly, and authentically. She responded well. I felt our connection deepen, and I felt more relaxed and comfortable with her. Also, by relaxing into the session, I felt myself being more engaged in her world, but not taking it on as my own. At the end of our session, I felt a difference in my body- I didn’t feel so drained and exhausted. I felt good, connected, and grateful to be spending time with her. She said goodbye with a genuine smile, which I haven’t seen from her before. I feel our trust deepen for one another, and I look forward to more sessions together.

Since our intensive, I have been exploring how to be “emotionally engaged” vs. involved with clients as well as with friends and family in my life. I think a part of being “engaged” involves a return back to myself. I lose myself when I get deeply involved or deeply distant. In being present to myself, and tending to myself, I may be able to be more engaged with my clients and relationships in a healthy manner. I am working on an introject that says “I must give myself up for others, or else I am selfish”. I am curious if anyone else has dealt with a similar introject, and their tools for dealing with it in a coaching context.

[Deanna]

@lesliewier
“As a coach, if I am unable to sit in the present and the unknown, I rob the client of their autonomy.” Spot on. Thank you for reiterating this piece of insight. I also find sitting in the unknown really challenging as a coach. I often forget that it’s not our job to “figure out or fix things”, even if my client perceives my role to be that way. I believe that the part of us that wants to “fix” is coming from good intentions, but often forgets that clients are whole and have their own answers. Do you have any tools for dealing with the desire to “fix” when you are in a session with a client?

@gmlobito1
I am inspired in reading how you have applied our Gestalt training to your meetings in the police department. I imagine that people are highly triggered in those meetings, and I imagine being a facilitator can be really challenging, especially in staying grounded, aware, and present. It sounds like a great (and challenging) opportunity to practice Gestalt. I am now curious and inspired to apply Gestalt in other parts of my daily life, outside of a coaching context.