Brad Bankhead
Forum Replies Created
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Brad – Final Post
All,
As I read and re-read your posts, I realize again how fortunate I am to be apart of such an amazing community of kindred souls. The insights that you’ve shared regarding partswork, both in your own life and the lives of your clients, is true wisdom. Like some of you, the greater awareness for me has been in my intrapersonal experience. You are right about how thoughtfully identifying those troubling or darker parts of ourselves can help liberate our soul-life. In fact, dark days as Erica spoke of, is the threshold for light. I’m seeing that in the second half of life, parts of us that have been neglected want to show up as an ally of Soul, particularly those parts of ourselves we thought to be childish. I think the soul may behave more impetuously than our adult selves would be comfortable with – you can test that theory yourself though.
You have taken this concept into your creative lives and taught me much. I’m currently thinking about those parts of us that fall vulnerable to predators, takers. Not in the sense that we play victim, we are smarter than that, but that we have learned to survive in egoic ways that maybe don’t serve us so well today. Lest I sound vague, I just returned from an al-anon meeting full of rescuers, perfectionist and life-fixers learning to take care, maybe for the first time, of their own soul, to finally “live the life that they would love”. So, what parts of us are vulnerable to narcissists and manipulators and what parts of us will join us on the Yellow Brick Road to HOME.
On a personal note, you may recall from an earlier post the metaphor of “the acorn in the pine tree” graciously given to me by Nature during a sit that has now manifested in me. I can’t begin to tell you how important it is to perpetually ask this question, “I’m I immersed in those conditions most likely to nourish my inner life? Do I have the right mix of resources to become? What yet do I need to add to the recipe of my life?” Friends, it takes it all, light and dark, heaven and earth, cold and warmth, sun and rain. I won’t get into details here, just want to say that I’ve made a major transition based solely on that revelation and that has made all the difference. Resources I didn’t even know I needed have appeared. The Natural World was born to guide and we get to lend a hand!!!
Blessings to you all, can’t wait to see you in March!
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Hi Elysa,
I think its cool that you can have that dual awareness of how you are showing up for someone in terms of your own parts and recognize your clients parts. This is very important particularly for those of us who are caretakers and enablers, as many of us are, because we are compassionate people. I too feel the awkwardness of introducing the NCC approach to new clients. Perhaps we could all talk about a short and simple introduction that becomes a standard for us that introduces what we do in lay terms. It seems to me this is a part of establishing the coaching agreement and framework within which we operate. I really like your use of natural space to address a sense of loneliness and isolation. Certainly if we can gently remind someone of their integral connection to everything it will be helpful as a resource them to support exploring those feelings. You also showed keen sensitivity to understanding that being in the natural world helps ease her anxiety. We all do our best work when we have some sense of calm belonging.
Thanks for your post,
Brad
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Hi Megan,
Good luck with your upcoming session. I liked your observation about shift in energy when your practice client talked about her business plan. I think learning to follow energy is a great strategy for following the gestalt that is forming for a client. And, that is certainly something that comes through via phone. And your previous experience of reflecting that shift in energy back to your client will be very helpful. I think energy illuminates direction and that will be important in business related coaching. Keep it up, a lot of us out here need that!
Brad
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Brad’s Initial Post
Hi Anna,
And thanks for the entree into not having yet utilized Partswork in a practice coaching session. I will join you here.
But I’ve spent a lot of thought time utilizing the framework for looking at my own life events and talking about it in an attempt to be helpful to to others. In fact, almost all my close friends and relatives have heard me talk about my experience with this concept in “my school”. I was talking to a close friend last week who is going through a very unsettling experience. I know that she refers to her strong supportive self as “a bear with cubs”. She is very much a caregiver, enabler and pleaser by her own admission as an adult child of an alcoholic. I asked her to describe how the mother bear shows up for others. She talked about protection and creating safe boundaries. I asked her to think about how she might employ the bear in her to show up on behalf of her own uncertainties. I asked what might it look like for the bear to provide safe and protective boundaries around herself. She related later that she had indeed permitted the bear to show up to stand her ground when someone was trying to take advantage in a situation. I’ve shared this ideology with others as well.Much of my own work over the past few weeks has been in visioning NCC in my second half of life calling. I must confess that this year feels like a wrestling match on that score. Recently, after a sit under my favorite pine, I noticed a single acorn lodged in its bark. I was intrigued and wondered what this might have to tell me. I remembered reading that all the DNA needed for a mighty oak tree resides in that small acorn. If the right conditions occur, it can become a seedling. Those right conditions are cold, damp, darkness for at least 45 days – not an attractive start, but as we know from our vision fasts, a necessary one. I realized that the acorn stuck in the pine bark didn’t have a chance albeit that might seem preferable to cold darkness. I realized that I needed to take a look at my own environment, is it conducive to my realizing my unique potential. Furthermore, Michael challenged me to think about that metaphor as it might apply to those I serve. Later, in ceremony, I retrieved that acorn in order to place it in the cold damp earth. As I stepped into my sacred circle, I looked down and there at my feet was a seedling oak – The promise of intention! Ceremony is indeed powerful. Be encouraged my friends, The Mystery can do incredible things with a little acorn (and YOU!)
Blessings
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Hi Michelle Pruden,
Thanks for reminding us that our clients contain the wisdom for directing their lives. I know this is true and a little intimidating as well because it means we contain the wisdom for our lives as well. I recognize a tendency in me to authorize everyone else, particularly people that I esteem, to have the “answers” for my life. This brings us back to the important work of resourcing our clients huh? I really see you integrating Gestalt and Partswork approaches in inquiring about parts that showed up in previous relationships (forming a gestalt) and how is that part showing up in this new relationship. Exploring that with your client gives him an opportunity to choose and perhaps create a more fulfilling relationship. This is major stuff given the data on how often people repeat unhealthy relationships. I think you are absolutely on a good track to identify parts and compare how they may show up. Thanks for the post.
Brad
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Hi Kairon,
This is really thought provoking for me right now: “The Soul is the center of the mandala as well as the whole mandala itself.” I’m reminded of Rob’s comment about the Soul as a wave of constant motion driven by current below and wind above. I’ve been studying lately the whole premise of non-duality or the recognition of oppositional thinking in our lives and relations. It seems that you are suggesting a more holistic approach (Gestalt) to Partswork. So while Partswork might help us give name and voice to those dynamics at work in us, we would do well to see ourselves as an evolving, developing Soul moving toward wholeness. It seems that some of our work with clients will be about reflecting where dualistic thinking is creating stress and discomfort. We can always meet our ourselves with greater levels of acceptance and compassion. Won’t we always be some of this and that? Thank you so much for challenging us to think bigger!
Brad
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Hi Kairon,
This is really thought provoking for me right now: “The Soul is the center of the mandala as well as the whole mandala itself.” I’m reminded of Rob’s comment about the Soul as a wave of constant motion driven by current below and wind above. I’ve been studying lately the whole premise of non-duality or the recognition of oppositional thinking in our lives and relations. It seems that you are suggesting a more holistic approach (Gestalt) to Partswork. So while Partswork might help us give name and voice to those dynamics at work in us, we would do well to see ourselves as an evolving, developing Soul moving toward wholeness. It seems that some of our work with clients will be about reflecting where dualistic thinking is creating stress and discomfort. We can always meet our ourselves with greater levels of acceptance and compassion. Won’t we always be some of this and that? Thank you so much for challenging us to think bigger!
Brad
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Hi Hannah,
Well, I’m convinced that you are at the head of the class with Partswork! It really seems to resonate with you in a very authentic way. I sensed that when we were in the session with Rob and following. I really like how your bring in the idea of “voice” attached to a part. That really helps me draw a connection – I liked your way of checking out “is this who I’m hearing now?” Then, I really liked the whole idea of who most likely shows up in various settings. That has a lot of potential in understanding ourselves in a communal context. Who most likely shows up in a group, with family, at work, in partnership, etc. . This is a great awareness to develop in improving relationships. Keep up the good work! We will all be blessed by it!
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Hi Michelle Pruden,
Thanks for reminding us that our clients contain the wisdom for directing their lives. I know this is true and a little intimidating as well because it means we contain the wisdom for our lives as well. I recognize a tendency in me to authorize everyone else, particularly people that I esteem, to have the “answers” for my life. This brings us back to the important work of resourcing our clients huh? I really see you integrating Gestalt and Partswork approaches in inquiring about parts that showed up in previous relationships (forming a gestalt) and how is that part showing up in this new relationship. Exploring that with your client gives him an opportunity to choose and perhaps create a more fulfilling relationship. This is major stuff given the data on how often people repeat unhealthy relationships. I think you are absolutely on a good track to identify parts and compare how they may show up. Thanks for the post.
Brad
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Hi Hannah,
Well, I’m convinced that you are at the head of the class with Partswork! It really seems to resonate with you in a very authentic way. I sensed that when we were in the session with Rob and following. I really like how your bring in the idea of “voice” attached to a part. That really helps me draw a connection – I liked your way of checking out “is this who I’m hearing now?” Then, I really liked the whole idea of who most likely shows up in various settings. That has a lot of potential in understanding ourselves in a communal context. Who most likely shows up in a group, with family, at work, in partnership, etc. . This is a great awareness to develop in improving relationships. Keep up the good work! We will all be blessed by it!
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Wow Megan,
Thank you so much for this – it is food for my Soul as well! I’m reading a book right now called the Divine Dance. It speaks so well to your points about our connectedness and the flow. It suggests that The Source is like a waterwheel that is continually filling and emptying the Divine within us. It is in stillness and the experience of our deep connection to the world around us (and in us) that we are filled with Gift to share with others. I’m always surprised at the realization that what we are gifted with is our gift to others. You are so “right on” in suggesting that your passion and purpose are not dependent on your ability alone to manifest – Soul in you is already knows the Dance. Just Dance.
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Hey Carrie,
I too am struggling with the incorporation of Partswork into a nature connected coaching framework. But, like you, I believe it has tremendous potential as a set of tools in many of our upcoming relationships with clients. I do think that you are on the right track in reflecting upon those identified parts of your own evolving Self, I guess maybe we can be a readily available laboratory for ourselves in developing our understanding of our parts and the interplay among them. I’m looking forward to next week and time with our community. I’m reminded how important it can be for us to debrief and discuss more often what we are exposed to in our face to face sessions. Maybe we could talk together about how to do that. Thanks for your post.
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Hi Kate,
Thank you very much for being so descriptive and thorough in your recounting of this coaching session. I do love the fact that you called yourself (and us) back the the all-important here and now. Also, I like the simple yet profound questions that bring your client into the present and your use of the sacred questions. I certainly sensed in your work in this session the long term relationship and the benefits of that. I think its just way cool that you’re already imparting NCC practices into your existing clientele. I look forward to that day when I’m that far down the road with people that I support. One more thing – using the imagination to access sit spot awareness is a great strategy especially when we are restricted from an outdoor experience. Thank you again for being so generous in sharing your experience and helping all of us.
Brad
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Hi Carrie,
I agree with you about the compatibility of gestalt and NCC, in fact, the spirit of the two are one experientially. Its just our need to describe things with words that makes them seem separate. I totally get your awareness about provider vs coaching. That’s where I need to remind myself that the soul of my client is all the provision and guidance they need. My job is to facilitate their trust and sufficiency within. Good for you for having that awareness. And, I believe your years of serving as a nurturer in a professional capacity will translate well into your coaching. The world needs you!
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Hi Elizabeth,
First, I want to applaud your grit and resiliency. If its true that a theme gestalt will continue to re-emerge, then we can let ourselves of the hook somewhat because we know what important will come around again. I also like how you are moving back and forth between your coaching experience and the reading. I find this “grappling” with the reality and concepts, while perhaps unsettling, is in fact our own process of developing new cycles and pathways for our own learning. I do like your strategy of coming back to what’s real for YOU right now as a way to model attention and presence – very simple but very cool!
I echo Kairon, be gentle with yourself, this is hard work and will require a lot of courageous risk which clearly you are up for. Keep up the good work of getting in there, learning and reflecting. Thanks for the insights, very helpful to me.