[Amber McCormick]

INITIAL POST
I met with my practice client to start establishing a longer-term coaching relationship. She had expressed that she has been through a lot of trauma in her life and she really wants to move past it. She can tell it’s holding her back in her business and family life. I also knew that she had worked with a therapist in the past, but didn’t currently have one, so we took some time to really tease out the difference between coaching and therapy. Through doing this, she was able to sift through what she is needing and was able to hone in on a goal/intention for coaching- to create more routine in her mornings and business because currently she can’t seem to get anything done because she’s scattered and jumping from project to project. This conversation went smoothly and felt really good and reassuring for me. It’s important to me that my clients have a clear understanding of what I’m able to provide them and in what capacity. It also opened the door for me to explain that I will recommend that we partner with a therapist if anything comes up that’s outside of my expertise. I am comforted knowing that we are on the same page as we move forward together.

Knowing that my client has had a lot of trauma, we started with discussing her connection to her body and resourcing skills. She already seems connected and in tune with her body so we moved into what resourcing is and I talked about what happens in the brain when we become triggered. Her homework assignment is to come up with a list of resources, so that if she becomes triggered by our work and we are not in a session together, she has a list she can turn to for comfort and grounding. Something interesting I found about discussing resourcing with her is how easy it can be to confuse resourcing with relaxing techniques. What I’ve teased out is that it’s important to remember that resourcing is about bringing attention to the present moment. She had mentioned that she uses gaming to calm down when she’s triggered. She said sometimes it’s a tool to bring her back to the present but sometimes it becomes dissociative. I’ve been curious around if this would be considered resourcing or not. I don’t think it is. While it is something that allows her to tolerate the sensations at that moment, it’s not bringing her back to the here and now because part of her is in another world (literally on the game). Where I’ve landed is that the resource should both make the current sensations more tolerable AND bring us to the present moment/engage our PC (the one in our brains, not the one for gaming, ha!). I’m curious to hear what others think about this. It seems like the difference between doing something to become more present and doing something as a distraction/avoidance. I imagine, this is something that could also vary from person to person. What do you all think?

Overall this wasn’t a very “coachy” session, but it felt really important to lay this kind of foundation for our work together. If anyone reads this and has other ideas that pertained to this session, I’d be more than happy to hear them!

[Amber McCormick]

SUMMARY POST

My biggest takeaways from this module:
– The PROCESS of change. It’s an ongoing process that takes time for true transformative change. We are changing beliefs, perspectives, attitudes, and behaviors. These are
deeply ingrained and it takes time to form the new neural pathways.
– The brain is part of the nervous system and the nervous system is throughout our body, therefore our brain is throughout our body- mind blown!
– From reading My Stroke of Insight- we are a feeling species who thinks (not a thinking species who feels)
– Continue to trust my gut in coaching!
– Anxiety wants to push clients into planning- help them anchor in contemplation before rushing into planning so they can really think about the options, what they want/need,
what will serve them, etc.

[Amber McCormick]

My biggest takeaways from this module are around the process of change and why it is so hard to create lasting change. The things that stand out to me most are:

-Change creates change in the brain that essentially creates a new person
-The part of the brain that is responsible for conscious decision making is significantly slower than the part of the brain that keeps us going. This offers so much relief and space for self compassion when we or clients “fail” in the process of change. It takes many iterations of actively CHOOSING the new path.
-The power of the pause- there is so much going on in the brain when our clients are processing. Rather than seeing this pause as time that I’m not doing anything, I see it as powerful processing time for my client. SO much is going on, processing, rewiring, and changing. I learned that honoring the pause is honoring my client and their process.

[Amber McCormick]

Leslie, I really appreciated your point about clients wanting to jump to planning because it helps with the anxiety. This is something I experience in my own life and I’ve seen it in my clients too. Your points about bringing them back to contemplation to really anchor into the change before planning is so important. Reflecting on my own experiences, the times I jumped right to planning (to calm the anxiety) are typically the times that were not successful for long term change. This is something I’m going to be more conscious of in both my personal and professional work. Thank you for speaking to it.

I also like the grand canyon metaphor and use that with my clients too. It’s such a great metaphor and is so easy to visualize, which I think helps a lot!

[Amber McCormick]

INITIAL POST: My apologies for being a little late to the game here! Establishing the coaching relationship and starting the session was actually one of the biggest challenges I faced in this session. Starting my session with my client was difficult because he wasn’t sure what he wanted to work on. He mentioned having a few ideas, but he wasn’t sure which to pick. This was our first time working together so I had the sense that having him put it all on the table up front would be a little too intense. Instead, I asked him to take a minute to drop in, take a few surrender breaths, and then one at a time explore the ideas that were coming to him. I asked him to pay attention to his body sensations and notice if there was one in particular that stood out. This worked really well for him and within a minute he had an excellent topic for our coaching session. While I encourage clients to come to the session with something to work on, I have run into this several times. I’ll definitely use this technique again in the future when it’s warranted.

My reflections during the session felt powerful and accurate. Sometimes I would use exact phrases, but most of the time I would paraphrase. I noticed that these reflections hit him deeply and allowed him to process his current beliefs through a new lens. After each reflection, there was a long pause where I could tell that there was a lot going on in his brain. The energy was slow and present and I could tell he was accessing the high road loop and creating change.

There was a beautiful flow to this session where the topic we were exploring was actually a behaviour I was modeling throughout the session. It was hard not to bluntly acknowledge this, but holding back paid off. I continued to ask powerful questions and guide him towards his own conclusions. I was able to identify an introject and, without naming it, I asked questions around his beliefs around authority, friendliness, kindness, etc. It was fascinating watching him tease out his beliefs around these words. Once he had named it, I asked him a few very direct questions to have him question his own beliefs- could these things exist simultaneously or differently than he described? I could feel everything drop when he had the “aha” moment. It was powerful and even though we were not physically in the same space, I could feel it. He quickly tried to move on to another topic after this, but I could tell it was an important shift in his thought patterns. I brought him back to this realization and had him form a mantra. My hope was that the mantra would be a touch point for him to engage neuroplasticity and help this new belief integrate. I would have liked to have done a meditation with him to embody it, but we ran out of time. For me, what was best about this session is that about a week later he texted me to let me know what a profound impact this session had on him. He was continuing to work on his mantra and I could tell it was a life-altering shift for him. It reminded me that these moments are exactly why I am here and doing this work.

One thing I learned about myself during this session was to trust my gut in following where my client needs to go. Sometimes I get self-conscious and worry that I’m going to push too hard, or be too forward, or bring them down the wrong path. I’m learning that typically my gut is guiding me down the right path and that my forwardness is usually when my clients have their biggest breakthroughs. I need to trust that I have established a safe space for my clients where they will tell me if I’m off track or not resonating with them (and they have in the past when this has happened).

[Amber McCormick]

INITIAL POST: After the intensive, I held a Resourcing Workshop for my network of (hopefully future) clients. I’m going to reflect on that experience from a brain perspective for this post. I ran this event last minute, so it was small, but it gave me a great opportunity to share what I had learned. The people who attended already knew me, so there was already a safe connection to me, however, they didn’t know each other. We took some time to do introductions and share a little about ourselves to create connections between those who didn’t know each other. In hindsight, I’m realizing I forgot to speak to confidentiality. Next time I hold this event, I will have everyone acknowledge the importance of confidentiality and have a moment of group commitment to that to deepen the safety of the container.

During the workshop, I spent some time talking about the brain and how it functions. I used the fist as a visual aid and talked in very basic terms about what each part of the brain does. I used terms like reptilian brain, mammalian brain, and prefrontal cortex. This was enough to give them some terminology without getting too complex. I also talked about what happens in the brain when we are stressed and why we struggle to stay conscious. My focus on this part was less about the specific parts of the brain and more about why we respond the way we do and really normalizing that for my clients. This flowed well into talking about resourcing, but felt a little clunky to me. I think a little more prep and practice will polish this nicely as I was using notes instead of speaking off the cuff. I’d like to find a few people with whom to practice explaining the brain science portion of my workshop. The practice will help me gain confidence in what I’m saying so I can speak without referencing my notes.

While I had planned to bring nature into the workshop, it came in on it’s own. I had clients make a list of resources, similarly to what we did with Katie, and nature showed up for all of them. It opened the door to discussing a little of the science behind nature and our nervous systems. We talked about the nervous system attuning to the baseline of our environment and we also discussed what constitutes “nature”. I continue to find this conversation helpful. It blows peoples’ minds when I introduce the concept that everything is nature. This seems to take the pressure off those who want to connect with nature but can’t get to the backcountry, whether it’s because they live in a city or have health complications that limit them.

Something I learned about myself through this experience is that I need to continue trusting my gut when creating programs and guiding clients. I was concerned that talking about brain science was going to be too technical and overwhelming. The truth is, the feedback I received was that it was incredibly helpful for my clients to learn about the brain. I think normalizing the experience around brain function was empowering. They walked away from the workshop with a list of tools to use when they are overwhelmed. There was acknowledgement that the brain is going to do what it’s wired to do, and yet, there are also these tools we can use to get back to the present moment and re-engage our prefrontal cortex. Knowing how powerful this knowledge was for my clients, I intend to build off it when I run this workshop again in January. People will be starting New Year’s resolutions. Understanding the brain can help them find self-compassion rather than beating themselves up too much when they aren’t successful at reaching their goal. It’s also a great opportunity to offer long term coaching to support their goals in a way that they are more likely to see the need and benefits of coaching.

Thinking about the content of my workshop, I would like to pull in more about neuroplasticity and how the brain changes. I would also like to talk more about brain waves and how nature plays a role in the frequency of our brain waves. I think this may get a little too complex and may be good content for a follow up workshop, or part of a course that follows the Resourcing Workshop. I’m still playing with this in my mind and welcome any feedback or ideas you all may have.

[Amber McCormick]

Thank you for this, Michael! I found the part about the Gaia waves so interesting. It’s definitely something I want to do more research on. Lately, I’ve found myself living two separate lives- one where my current home and full-time job are located, and one in the mountains of western Maine where I see my life and my NCC business moving to. I’ve been saying for a year and a half now that I need to get out of this area because the energy here jars me. I can literally feel the change when I drive to and from the different locations (independent of time of year, work, personal obligations, or moods). When I’ve talked to people about this, they tend to respond as if I’m sensing something that’s not real, or told that it’s something within me that’s unsettled, not the environment. It made me feel a little crazy, however I have felt this deep truth about my experiences, especially knowing my connection to nature. I’m thinking this may be what I’ve been feeling and I feel a little less crazy now, so thank you!!!

[Amber McCormick]

SUMMARY POST- My biggest takeaway from this module is the reminder that we are holding a lot for our clients, and while we hold all these parts (pun intended, ha!), it is up to our client which parts they want to attend to and we don’t need to do something with all of it in every session. Holding these ideas and pieces while I track my clients through multiple sessions and using what I am noticing and holding when it arises organically, rather than getting in my head and wondering how do I use this piece?, how do I bring it up?, what should I say?, etc. Attempting to “do” something with the information only takes me into of my head and out of presence with my client. Much of this reminds me of the lessons learned from Derek with his presence and just showing up and staying in the moment.

I am also reminded that we are still early in our coaching careers and that this is a learning process. It’s not something I can perfect immediately. Each person and each situation is different, and so, it will take playing with the tools with different people and in different ways to see what is effective and what might not be so effective.

I am also fascinated in how gestalt and parts work seem to be intersecting with much of what I’m learning both through EBI and in my own reading/documentaries/podcasts/etc. I’m excited to continue thinking about these ideas and seeing what else forms from them, as well as what other intersections and synchronicities may arise.

[Amber McCormick]

“Resourcing is an intentional engagement of our various strengths, whereas disassociation isn’t.” YES!!! I love this! And I think it’s spot on. Your comment about using our own internal strengths really struck me– what a beautiful way to help clients build resiliency and confidence! Thank you for helping me expand on this. It definitely has brought a lot of clarity.

For full transparency, I’ve often been the shy coach around the therapist conversation. This one was easy to have because she came to me and said she had been through a lot of trauma so the door was easily opened. It really wasn’t that uncomfortable of a conversation, so that will help going forward. If anything, I think having that conversation may have built some additional trust and safety between us. Since my initial session with her, I had a discovery session with another client and I found my flow with bringing the topic up. I shared about myself, then she shared about herself (I always give clients the option to go first if they want, but they typically want to hear about me first, which makes sense and I think builds a feeling of safety), then I share about my process. In sharing about my process, I’ve made it a practice to also describe the difference between coaching and therapy. That gives me a natural flow into casually mentioning that if anything comes up that’s outside of my expertise, I may suggest that we collaborate with a therapist. This has felt comfortable and has been appreciated by clients so far.

[Amber McCormick]

Hi Leslie! I’m really fascinated by this idea around shoulds pushing people to want change. Though we’re not focusing on the process of change in this part of the module, I’m seeing where this would be similar to someone being in coaching/therapy because they are court mandated, or required by a parent or spouse. In this case, there’s a little more personal motivation and attachment, but it seems as though the motivation would still be lower than someone who is ready for change. It’s much harder to change when we are doing something because we feel forced or that we should rather than because it’s what we really want (potentially little to no connection to our deeper need). This is something I’m going to sit with in my own life about the changes I’m trying to make and which ones are shoulds and which ones are an all in ready for change and how the process of change is effected by each of those starting points/intentions. Without sitting with this for an extended period of time, I’m realizing that I am not achieving the goals that I have that are “shoulds”. I’ve tried a few different ways to implement these changes and they still quickly break down. However, the goals that I have that I truly want, the goals that are connected to my deeper need, true self, vision, etc, those changes are occurring much more easily and more successfully. They feel less like work and more like, “hey, I’m doing it!”. Thank you for pointing out this theme. I’m finding it very interesting to sit with.

I see this presenting of resourcing to your clients as a wonderful way to offer them self-compassion and self-care. They are working in a time and industry where they are essentially mandated to give all of themselves at unhealthy levels. The resourcing seems like it is a great way for them to honor themselves, what they are doing for the world, and their needs. For me, it’s also bringing up the need for them to take care of themselves in order to continue serving others.

[Amber McCormick]

Thanks, Leslie, I’m glad my share was helpful. To be fully transparent, this is my second brain intensive (I did them out of order), so while some of it is new, there was a lot of refreshing too. I have also read and listened to several different audiobooks and podcasts over the years that talk about the brain and neuroplasticity, so that was also really helpful. Brain and change is so fascinating to me.

I’ve found that coaching has enhanced my trust in my intuition, though it’s a lesson I seem to keep learning. I’m very science brained and was raised to not trust my gut. Coaching has giving me many opportunities to test my gut and watch it’s accuracy. I usually share this by saying something along the lines of “the word that’s coming to me is ____. Does that resonate at all?” To date, I think I’ve only had one instance where a client said no, every other time it’s been a a significant part of our session.

[Amber McCormick]

Kim, what a powerful session! This is so awesome. Your story got my wheels turning for something I want to do with clients as soon as I have my Guide’s License. There is this AMAZING cave, 2 miles up a mountain near me. It’s a steep one, but the cave is really cool and powerful (so much I can do with clients there). I love the idea of using the easy stretches and rests as time for the deeper conversations and then using the rigorous parts as thinking/simmering time. I’ve played a little with giving clients a nature break in the middle of our sessions and the time to let things settle was really helpful and productive. It’s interesting to see this concept applied to a physical experience too. I imagine the physical movement also helps sequence some of the trauma that’s coming up (whether conscious or unconscious). Very cool session. Thank you for sharing!!

[Amber McCormick]

Taylor, like Matt said, I appreciate you speaking to the fact that sometimes clients aren’t a good fit. I know I’m late to the game in this response, but I’m also curious about how you guys parted ways once you realized it wasn’t a good fit. I also noticed the contradictions in the client that further made him not a coachable client. He wanted you to tell him what to do and then you said he reported that he enjoyed when you asked questions but that he got frustrated when you tried to explain things. This dynamic sets up so many hardships for trying to work together to make progress. Thank you for speaking to this. I think sometimes it’s easy to think that these mismatches are failures, when they really just aren’t a good fit.

I also appreciated your point about meeting clients where they are when it comes to nature. I often have people get overwhelmed when I say that I am a nature-based life coach. They think wilderness and it scares them. Or they think they live in the city and it’s not for them. When I explain that everything is nature, I can visibly see the relief. I think suggesting a walk outside is brilliant as a starting point for someone with depression. It sounds like you did a fantastic job navigating a tough client!

[Amber McCormick]

Ooops, it looks like my response to you started in a separate thread. Sorry about that!

[Amber McCormick]

I am! I think it was Mindsight that this came from but it could be The Unteathered Soul (I’m reading them at the same time). I found it fascinating that he described emotion (and I think mood?) as shifts in states of integration. The concept of balance on the spectrum between rigidity and chaos to find harmony and flexibility struck me as a core component of our work as coaches and guides. If our clients are at either end of the spectrum, they are blocked from integration and therefor blocked from growth. Reflecting on your comment about it being a bit like using partswork made me curious to explore the parts along this spectrum. Are all the parts in harmony/flexibility? Are some in chaos? Are some in rigidity? Is this the root of the inner conflict for our clients?

Yesterday, I watched the documentary Heal. The general point was that so much of our health issues are due to stress. This isn’t new news, but it struck me differently since our intensives and readings with EBI. The documentary talked about the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. It showed a graph of how we are supposed to move from sympathetic into parasympathetic when we relax. However, for one person they were interviewing, instead of transitioning into parasympathetic, she jumps back up into sympathetic, which means she can’t relax even when she is relaxing. This struck me at a personal level and I think it’s a big problem for many people. As I thought of this, I remembered this idea of being in a constant state of integration, unless these rigidity/chaos blocks exist. This led me to think about our clients. If they are in a state of rigidity/chaos, or if their sympathetic nervous system is activated, it’s hard to move them forward towards their deeper need. It also makes me grateful for the blessings of nature because research is showing that even just looking at nature can trigger the parasympathetic nervous system. I’m finding these intersections very fascinating.

Mel, I’m not sure I answered what you were asking and I went off on a bit of a tangent, but it felt related. I’m curious about more of your thoughts on it!