Amanda Newman
Forum Replies Created
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Summary Post
I think Gestalt is an incredible way of getting clients back into the present moment. It’s a way for them to challenge that future voice that’s speaking and allow them to come back into the present moment. I enjoyed learning that Gestalt means “whole” and because humans are so complex, it’s easy for us to feel like we’re not whole. Logically, it makes sense. Nonetheless, bringing someone back into the present moment, in a session or just a conversation, can be tricky. I like how Gestalt allows room for experimentation, integration and challenge. The fact that we have certain reactions to certain situations means that our brain is protecting us and because of this, we mold future experiences based on the past. Gestalt is a way for us to challenge those unconscious reactions, and bring us into the present to create a new way of being. Something that I wrote down that Derek mentioned, “Fully present with my own humanness.” This spoke to me deeply. Appreciating, living, being with our own humanness can feel so overwhelmingly gratuitous. We are able. We are alive. We are here. This is one of the reasons that Gestalt also scares me on a personal level because it’s inviting us to show up in ways that we never had before or have been avoiding. I enjoy playing around with the experiments while it also scares me to be “wrong.” Even though this is a fear (one of my parts talking!) I love the challenge and intrigue it’s brought upon someone who I’ve coached.
One way that I’ve created a Gestalt experiment with a client is focusing on their language. She was speaking in the future and I invited her to come back into present moment. I asked “what is something in your life that makes you feel connected to your soul?” Asking this question allowed her to take a moment of silence, and what was presented was an answer that grounded her back into the here and now. -
Hello all! So my first real experimentation with parts work actually happened unexpectedly. My brother was going through something really difficult and traumatic, bringing up a lot from his past. I told him about parts work before when I came back from Colorado and he was interested in doing parts with me. Nonetheless, this one morning he was going through something difficult and I felt as guide I had to invite the possibility of parts work.
So…. without asking for me to be his guide and creating a coach to client invite, I jumped in and asked if he’s be open to do parts. He said yes right away and him and I talked with his parts for about 40 minutes. The time truly flew by and I was in a tunnel with him. My mom was also there and at one point one of his parts spoke to her about what they were feeling. As the facilitator I reassured my mom that this is not the Soul of Jared speaking, it’s his Little Boy who needed to say this. I interviewed two other parts, all creating a hectic mental space for my brother because they all had not had a conversation before. Once we got to a close on the session, he told me he was astounded by how good he felt. He told me that he’s never done anything like that and would like to work on parts more. As his sister I was so glad that I could serve him in a profound way, but as a guide I knew I wanted to establish more of a guide to client relationship. Ultimately, I was really happy I could help him but I do know that when I work with him or anyone else I need to establish that coach – client verbal communication. Parts work is my favorite!! 😀 -
Summary Post
After my week of learning Gestalt and Partswork, I had an immense understanding of how complex we are as humans. Like Ben, I coached one of my really good friends after I got home and tried to bring in what I learned. Honestly, I felt too close to the situation because I’ve known her over ten years. Nonetheless, I think we both got a lot out of the session; her acknowledging and being cognizant that parts are there but me knowing who my ideal client would be. The friend in me kept coming out and I was very much in my head until something she said shifted my perspective. She was anxious and talking a lot about her story so I invited her to stand up and do a breathing exercise. My friend is someone on the go all the time. She never stops so in this moment I thought this could be a good way to get her back into her body, in the present moment. We took four surrender breathes as I invited her to feel the vibrations of her energy. Where were they? Did they move throughout her body? I invited her to notice her feet on the floor, etc. Amazingly (I was amazed with myself :)) she calmed her mind. Something I learned in that moment as well, if I’m getting very in my head, asking a client to do a breathing exercise and them complying also brings me back into my body and the present moment. I think it’s okay to feel out of touch at times because our bodies know what we need to do to become more present. After the session I even told her I was feeling a little disconnected from my guide role, and she had no idea! So much more to experiment with!-
^^^ This is my INITIAL POST 🙂
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Wow Ben, this is amazing! I really relate to what you say about being in your head. That is something I struggle with as a guide. I think it’s great that you were able to do an exercise that brought your client back into the moment and because of this, it brought you back into the body and less in your head. I also resonate with the slight struggle of the client being a friend. I tried coaching one of my friends and the friend in me kept coming out. It’s difficult when you’re close to someone to build that boundary around coach and client but awesome job bringing it all back to the client and allowing them to create a tangible perspective of where they were at. I think this is really powerful in the way in which we show up in different spaces and being cognizant of that as a guide.
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I’ve started dabbling with coaching with one of my friends from home. Although I haven’t been in a session with her where I establish coaching presence, I wanted to write about our “session” reflecting grief. She knows about this program and is open to me coaching her more one on one. However, a communication happened around her willingness to be coached by me so I just want to make that clear.
So our last “session” was a couple weeks ago, right after our grief intensive. We were sitting at her kitchen table and she was discussing her relationship with her dad (which I know well) and I was working on that fine line of being a friend and a coach. Nonetheless, I want to talk about this experience because I think we really touched into something. She was going on about her dad and by doing so got frustrated. So I asked her what was happening there. In her body, in this moment. At first she didn’t quite understand what or why I was asking her what she felt in her body. She somewhat laughed it off waiting for me to respond and so I asked her again. She told me she felt tense in her chest, her palms sweating and that the heat was rising from her stomach to her head. Then we sat with that for a few minutes while she somewhat laughed it off, but also noticing her body functioning in such a way.
After a minute or two I checked in with her and asked where she was. She told me that she wanted to block out that anger because it reminded her of her dad and with that, she did not want to be like him. Knowing what I know about her and her story, she is a problem solver, a doer. When I asked her what she wanted, her answers were external i.e. I want my dad to be a father figure. I heard her, and because she’s one of my best friends, I did struggle with not trying to justify her feelings or try to problem solve. Her and I struggled through family dynamics during an overlapping time so there’s a lot of story behind our history in the ways we’ve talked about our dads. Nonetheless, because this wasn’t an established coaching session, we didn’t get to that deeper need because of where we were headed. I’m becoming more open to finally having a real practice client and exploring my role as a coach. Better late than never!
I know she’s struggling with a lot of grief around her absent father, and so next time we connect and establish a real session, I want to bring up this experience to her. Where is she at now? Is what she wanted still what she wants? What has or has not shifted in her life? I think one of the overarching themes in my session with her was she doesn’t grieve the way she wants to because she feels she has to stay strong. So I’m curious about how we can work on letting her guard down and just being with the feelings that arise when she talks about her dad.
I believe nature connection plays a part in this because of the way she brushes things off and goes, goes, goes. It seems to me she’s not always in the moment so it was interesting to see how her mind goes into protection mode when talking about this heavy topic. Because she wasn’t nurtured by her dad, she feels the need to stay strong for everyone else. I’m curious what it would be like for her to surrender to the possibility of being out of this controlling state. Her environment has helped mold her into this strong person, but I’ve noticed that feeling vulnerable is something that’s hard for her. I want to help create a space for her where she can feel in her feelings without putting up the strong front guard. Learning from Kim, I believe I can do that by just holding space for her to just be in her emotions and grief, something that she struggles with doing. -
Wendy, I really liked what you wrote about all of the competencies being a work in progress. I definitely agree, that we are not perfect and there’s always room to improve and learn. I too would like to work on asking powerful questions because they allow the client to feel safe in what they’re opening up to.
Also, I definitely relate on the notion that we’re all going through a personal journey which allows us to create a deeper understanding of being a guide. With that, creates empathy within us and help build connection to our clients’ process. -
Reflect on your experience as a client in the “threshold”. How does that experience inform your coaching and why? How did Nature participate in your process and what does that tell you about coaching others? What ICF core competencies are essential for you to practice and build on to feel confident in that “place” as a coach? This is not a feedback session to your coach, but a self – reflective response
I remember going through threshold as a client during the June intensive feeling completely aware of my truth. I felt like I was passing through this divider, one side could hold me back and the other was pushing me through into the arms of my greatness. Given this experience as a client, being a guide has shaped the way that I see my clients go through an experience of igniting their soul, but because I was scared I wasn’t going to do it “right” I had missed the signs of where my client was at during that time. During this previous intensive, I questioned myself whether I was guiding my client into threshold or if I wasn’t finished with severance. I was very “in my head” at that moment in time, not knowing if I was doing it “right.” As the cohort discussed what had happened, I had realized that going through severance may not be so linear. This allowed me to take a step back and realize the shift from severance to threshold and what signs to look for when the client enters that ignition.
As a guide I want to focus on deep listening and asking powerful questions that aren’t too complex or wordy. I want to practice on powerful language because I get into my head too much about doing things “right.” I feel that I over analyze like that because I want my client to have the best possible experience I can give them. Given this fact, however, if I over analyze and think too much I’m not listening to my gut which really helps guide me to guide the client. Asking simple yet powerful questions are a competency that I’d like to work on because I think simplicity will take the pressure off of myself to get it “perfect” or “right.” It’s never going to be perfect because everyone is different, with different wants and needs and being able to allow myself space of experimentation is important on how I show up for my client. I think by deeply listening to where my client is at, understanding it and being able to guide them with simple questions can get them to a place of greater understanding.
During this past intensive I was also taking notes much more in the beginning of the week because of the fear factor that I would forget what the client had said. (I was given consent to do so) Even though by the end I still wrote down a few key words and phrases, I wrote much less than the first couple of days. I let go of my analytical mind and after the session I felt proud that I had deeply listened to my client without writing down the full conversation. I was able to refer back to them what they had said and key words which I thought were powerfully positive. I need to work on trusting myself and my gut because that is what leads the client into threshold and also to trust me overall. I also need to work on seeing my client where they’re at and understand that threshold is a sensitive and personal experience so I need to meet my client where they’re at through the process by not over thinking what I’m doing. -
Hi Taylor! I appreciate your post so much! I’ve noticed that parts work can seem foreign to people when you first throw it out there but once they understand the dialogue, it seems so much less challenging for the client to speak as their parts. I understand the struggle of picking up different parts who are interrupting. Something I like to do is to check in when I think another part came up. If the client feels like no one else showed up, I’ll relay what they said back to them. They could still say that it’s not a different part, but at least you’re being proactive in your listening skills and making sure that you’re on the same page with them!
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Thanks for sharing Ben! I think it’s amazing that you were able to create a language for your client that used the natural environment. Sometimes we are so in our own heads that words can actually feel disconnected. To bring the client into a soul driven experiment using nature is such an enlightening result of NCC!
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Ben! This was amazing to read. Thank you for being so open and honest in this space. I really align with what you said about you being able to invite the client to do an experiment and dabble with the idea that is could potentially not work. It really does take the pressure off when the client understands that you’re still learning and if the invitation doesn’t align with them, you can always try something else.
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Melissa this is so amazing to read! I think it’s a really interesting way to work with your client in a car because sometimes things aren’t the way we plan them. I think it’s interesting that you were able to do parts work and Gestalt while driving in a car. I’d love to know if you planned it that way or it just happened? Furthermore, it’s so wonderful how you were able to facilitate a dialogue or introduce a dialogue to the Nurturer and Soul. The fact that you were able to have this deep discussion with your wife, driving in a car is really interesting and opens the door to unconventional yet powerful guiding roles we can show up in.
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Ben, it’s wonderful to hear that you were able to establish trust with your client in a way that kept getting to roots that were deeper and deeper. I think it’s great that you provided your client with nature connection and guiding a conversation that led to multiple Gestalt experiments. It sounds like you were able to get the client past story and really into what they wanted and needed. I think by establishing trust and making the dialogue conversational, it allows the client to open themselves and understand their want and need.
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Wow Ben, this is amazing! I really relate to what you say about being in your head. That is something I struggle with as a guide. I think it’s great that you were able to do an exercise that brought your client back into the moment and because of this, it brought you back into the body and less in your head. I also resonate with the slight struggle of the client being a friend. I tried coaching one of my friends and the friend in me kept coming out. It’s difficult when you’re close to someone to build that boundary around coach and client but awesome job bringing it all back to the client and allowing them to create a tangible perspective of where they were at. I think this is really powerful in the way in which we show up in different spaces and being cognizant of that as a guide.
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Thank you for sharing Lisa! I can definitely appreciate how the therapist role and the coaching role are different in your space of work. I like how you differentiate the guiding role from the therapist, even stating, “we were in a therapy session I’d say this, but since we are in a coaching client session I’m going to say this..” I think that difference can be confusing to people who have never been exposed to a coach, and thus I think it’s great you give them a verbal depiction of how they are different.
From being your practice client in the past, I know how well you can do Gestalt work. Even if it’s not something that seems like this huge threshold, you have a great way of providing the space for the client to be and look deeply within. This is coming from my own experience working with you. I think giving your client the invitation to take some breathes with intention of x,y,z can open up the door to more Gestalt work.